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20 New Year Promises You Should Never Make Your Husband

Hey penguins!

This is my last post of the year.

While waving goodbye to 2012, I’m reminded of the legendary New Year Resolutions my friend Amrita made towards the end of one of the last few years. She took something in some New Year’s Eve party (I’ve naturally forgotten to ask what) which compelled her to write a love-spiked letter to her husband with twenty resolutions for the New Year.

Photo by Ilse

I think you’ve guessed that those twenty promises went down as the twenty biggest mistakes of 20xx (whatever that year was).

Keeping Amrita in mind, here’s the last bit of relationship/marriage wisdom of 2012:

Girls (wives), however drunk you get in the New Year’s Eve party, don’t make any of these 20 promises to your husband for the New Year!

I’ll never let you do household chores anymore. Your career is already stressing you.
I’ll buy the grocery myself. I understand you’re exhausted after a day’s work.
I won’t play “Who can find the most faults in her husband” with the girls. You’re the best husband in the world.
I’ll spend more time with your family. I’m grateful they brought you up.
I’ll have my mother visit us less often. I don’t want you to feel bored.
I’ll visit my mother less often. You need me more than she does.
I’ll sell the TV. It’s such a time-waster.
I’ll add up the proceeds with my savings and buy you a Play Station 4. You need to unwind sometimes.
If you’re late, I’ll never again call up all the hotels in town. If you’re cheating, it’s my shortcoming, not yours.
I’ll never try to find out exactly how much you earn. You’re entitled to keep that to yourself.
From now on, I’ll take more interest in real estate and stock markets. I’ve come to realize that these are crucial parts of life one should know about.
I’ll improve my driving skills and help you on our weekend trips. You too are entitled to a nap during the drive.
I won’t bore you with stories of what my best friends bought for their birthdays. I respect your patience.
When it comes to my birthday, I’ll never demand any gifts from you. Love resides in the heart, not in the wallet.
I’ll never throw a tantrum if you forget our anniversary. What’s in a date?
I’ll not nag you for giving up smoking. While it breaks my heart to watch you invite lung cancer, I don’t want to irritate you into a cerebral attack either.
We’ll watch more sci-fi and action movies. I’m bored with romance and family.
We’ll dedicate a weekend per month to watching football. I’ve just realized it’s the next best thing on earth after shopping. Which reminds me…
I’ll never drag you along on my shopping trips. I realize that it doesn’t provide you enough intellectual stimulation. And last but not the least…
By the end of 2013, I’ll quit shopping. What’s in a bit of bling?

With that, I’m off to my year-end vacation.

See you in 2013!

The First Kiss

Ah the first kiss. Kissing for the first time in your life is always wrapped in anticipation, excitement, embarrassment and maybe even a bit of anxiety. The first kiss is something you’ll never forget-the first-kiss day, the first-kiss location, your first-kiss clothes, the first-kiss time of the day and even the first-kiss weather (hopefully also the first kiss partner) are things that you’ll preserve with great care in your memories.
However the first kiss can be downright awkward. And hilarious. Here’s what Hollywood has got to say on it.

“The first kiss I had was the most disgusting thing in my life. The girl injected about a pound of saliva, into my mouth, and when I walked away I had to spit it all out.”-Leonardo diCaprio

Photo by Piez

“This girl said “Yes” when I wasn’t ready. I kissed her lightly and got so dizzy I had to sit down.” –Antonio Banderas, speaking of his first kiss.

I can imagine. After all, practice makes perfect, and kissing is no exception to that. Yes, if you were thinking (like many do) that kissing talent is like green eyes-either you’re born with it or you’re not, then I have to tell you-you couldn’t be more wrong.

I remember I was thirteen (like most girls) when I kissed (or was kissed) for the first time. The guy was 2 years older than me (he recently got married). It was during the lunch break in school on a hot summer afternoon. If you ask me how it went…well let’s just say my experience was not too dissimilar to that of Leonardo diCaprio. I hated the poor boy for that and avoided kissing him as much as possible thereafter. (A recent poll throws up “too much saliva” as the main turn-off in kissing. How embarrassing!)

Photo by Playingwithbrushes

Here are some quick facts about first kiss.

1. There’s no such thing as “kissing by instinct”.
2. Your first kiss is NOT going to be your best kiss.
3. The best way to ruin your first kiss is to try something complicated like a French kiss.
4. Another good way to do that is to plan too much for the event.
5. If you are a (shy) man/boy: The first kiss will not fall on your head. You have to make the move.
6. A third excellent way to ruin the first kiss is to go crazy thinking, “What do I do with my hands?”

The last battle of kisses (like all other battles of the Universe) is a men vs. women battle, as reflected in the following (juicy) quotes.

“A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth – and endures all the rest.”-Helen Rowland

The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman.-Henry Louis Mencken

Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.-Remy de Gourmont

What’s the story of your first kiss? Do leave a comment to let us know.

And have fun with this cute video while you ponder.

30 First Date Do’s and Don’ts for Girls

A guy has just asked you out for a date and you don’t know what to do? Here are 30 tips to prepare you for the event.

1. Don’t go out on a date unless you’re ready for a relationship now.
2. Don’t go out on a date out of courtesy, i.e. if you’re not really interested in the guy.
3. Don’t go out on a date with a guy you know very little about. I don’t need to tell you how dangerous it can be.
4. Don’t wear something too revealing. You know what it signals.
5. Don’t wear too formal/gorgeous. You don’t want him to assume undue importance. ;)
6. Wear something you’re comfortable in. You don’t want to shiver all evening in your attempt to be sexy on a winter date.
7. Don’t wear too much makeup. That’s crass.
8. Don’t be ~~fashionably~~ late. No, it’s not fashionable at all (Not beyond the first 5 minutes anyway).
9. Don’t be nervous. He asked for it. (I hope. :P)
10. Smile.
11. Maintain eye contact. No one likes overly shy girls anymore.
12. Have a creative plan for the evening. The restaurant is not the only place you can go. Your favourite play, an exhibition or that antique coffee shop could be great for dates too.

Photo by kevindooley

13. Don’t suggest any of these before he asks. You’ll come across as overeager.
14. Don’t suggest an exuberantly expensive option if asked. He might insist on paying for everything in the end.
15. Don’t be shy if he tells you to choose the dishes and drinks. Go ahead.
16. Don’t drink too much. You don’t want to forget his name. During the date, that is.
17. Don’t leave your drink. You don’t know him. I don’t want to scare you but suffice it to say that it’s not advisable.
18. Don’t dribble food down your front. Okay I’m joking. :D

Photo by faith goble

19. Your objective is to have a great, engaging conversation. Steer towards that with everything you say.
20. Don’t ask him about his past relationships. Not the best topic for a first date.
21. Don’t mention any of your past boyfriends even by mistake. “Hey! You know this dish was XYZ’s favorite.” No, you don’t want that.
22. Don’t ask too many questions. No one likes all the attention on themselves. Have a relaxed, natural conversation.
23. Don’t ask too much about his work. You don’t want to look like a gold-digger.
24. Don’t ask about his parents or family. It’s too early and you’re not your mother.
25. Ask about his hobbies and interests, his taste for movies/books etc. This kind of topics help people open up. You’d strike the best chord if you can make him enjoy talking.
26. If he asks you something about yourself don’t ramble.
27. Do offer to split the bills. No, honestly.
28. Everyone doesn’t have the same beliefs and attitudes. Your actions can be misinterpreted. I know it sounds crazy, but to be on the safe side, don’t hold hands on a first date. (I had once run into the biggest trouble of my life by holding hands on the first date. Surely enough disaster to fill fifty future posts.)
29. Don’t kiss (If we’re talking about India, that is). Not unless you want to come across as the most desperate girl on earth.
29. Most importantly, have a good time. Don’t look at the date as a stressful test that you have to pass. Focus on enjoying yourself.
30. Good luck!

The Gold Digger* dialogue

Gold-digger says: What do you do?
Translation: Are you earning enough to satisfy my material demands?
Gold-digger says: Where do you live?
Translation: I’m hoping you live in a posh area.
Gold-digger says: Tell me everything about yourself. I want to know you better.
Translation: I want to get a clearer idea of your work and how much you’re making.
Gold-digger says: (On being complimented on her looks) Thank you…yes, this dress looks good on me.

Translation: This dress is expensive and you’d better prepare for starting to fund my standards.
Gold-digger says: (In a party) Monica is looking gorgeous in that dress, isn’t she?
Translation: Buy me expensive dresses like the one Monica’s wearing.
Gold-digger says: Do you know a new shopping mall has come up in such-and-such place?
Translation: Let’s go shopping and you’ll pay for everything.
Gold-digger says: I’m bored.
Translation: Let’s go shopping.
Gold-digger says: My stupid old landlady is making my life hell asking for the rent again and again.
Translation: Give me money.
Gold-digger says: My car is giving a hell lot of trouble of late. After all it’s sure old.
Translation: Give me money.
Gold-digger says: I love you (after being presented with an expensive gift).
Translation: Now you can have sex with me.

Gold-digger says: Shut up! You’re not too old for me. I love the person that you are.
Translation: You wouldn’t be earning so much if you were 10 years younger, so I’m happy that you’re 10 years older than me.
Gold-digger says: You’re so sexy, baby!
Translation: You’re ugly but your wallet is not, so I’ll stay with you.
Gold-digger says: I love you like my life. What are we waiting for? Let’s get married.
Translation: You’ve passed all my tests of financial muscle power. Now I want to hook you for life before you realize my intentions.
Gold-digger says: I can never love anyone but you.
Translation: You’re richer than even I’d expected. I want to marry you.
Gold-digger says: I’d like to meet your family.
Translation: You’re richer than even I’d expected. I want to marry you.
Gold-digger says: Well…I enjoyed last evening but I think we’re very different people.
Translation: You’re not as rich as I’d have wanted so goodbye.

* A gold digger, according to www.dictionary.com, is “a person who dates others purely to extract money from them, in particular a woman who strives to marry a wealthy man.”