Relationship – Page 5 – Love in India

“Should I Break Up?” The ONE Question You Need to Ask

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. Over the last eight months or so we’ve spent more of our time together fighting than doing anything else. Something seems to have changed, but I don’t know what. Sometimes I feel I never understood him to start with and this relationship has been a colossal mistake. Should I break up?

Photo by Love is the key

Pooja from Thane is not alone. All relationships hit lows, and we’re often kept guessing which ones can be worked out and which ones can’t.

“Should I stay and work it out, or should I break up?” If you’ve ever been in a relationship, that question has probably crossed your mind more than once. Today’s post is an exploration of that question.

Fortunately, there’s just ONE question you need to ask yourself to know exactly what to do. That question is:

“Is this relationship giving me what I need from it?” You stay only if the answer is, “Yes.”

But what does it mean to “get what you need from your relationship”? Here are the top four indicators.

#1. Is communication easy? Even during fights?

One of the surefire signs of a fulfilling relationship is ease of communication.

All couples fight.

During fights, do they call you a “&*^%”, “^$$#”, “****”?

Or they catch you completely off-guard every time by throwing your shortcomings – which you confessed to them at a vulnerable moment – back at you in a cruel way?

Do they shout their lungs out?

Or they catch you completely off-guard every time by citing incidents from the past which apparently annoyed them, but they never told you at the time?

Fighting, and making your displeasure clear to the other person is natural. It happens in every relationship. You fight, but even when you fight you don’t have any problem understanding each other (even each other’s displeasure).

But if you feel manipulated, baffled and accused in completely unexpected ways all the time, there’s a communication gulf between the two of you. Somewhere you don’t understand each other, each other’s language, each other’s thoughts, expectations and needs.

If you don’t understand them, you’re most likely not fulfilling them.

#2.Does their vision of the future look alarmingly different from yours?

On one of those rare occasions when you’re not fighting and yet talking, they announced their dreams of living and working in different countries throughout their career.

Your heart sank.

You remembered how you whispered into each other’s ears your dreams of settling down back in your quaint little hometown, in the initial days of your relationship.

Photo by Gizo

This isn’t sounding like the old him/her you knew. Somewhere along the way the needs and wants from life have changed – their, or yours.

A relationship is not about one of you fitting into the other’s journey. It’s about figuring out your journey, and finding someone who shares it. More or less. So, if you have very different needs from life as of today, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.

#3.Whenever you’re alone with your partner, do you wish other people were around?

Communication has broken down, and you’ve come a long way from each other. Emotionally. The alone-time you both so looked forward to is now something you both dread. Alone-time now looks like nothing more than an opportunity for Apocalypse-time.

You don’t have anything to talk to each other about. If you try, it ends in an argument.

You’re judging each other all the time, waiting for signs in their behaviour which validate your newly formed set of negative expectations.

If you prefer being with others more than with each other, it’s time to assess things very carefully.

#4. Are you always critical of each other?

His mannerisms come across as obnoxious to you. He looks at you and thinks, “I could get a so much more beautiful girl.”

Worse – you compare each other with others. In your mind, of course.

Even worse – you try to change them. You well-meaningly suggest how they should become a better person.

And before you know it this has led to yet another nerve-racking fight.

Forgiveness thy name is love. All of us have flaws. But if you’re in love with someone you’ll look past them – even find them cute. And so, if irrational displeasure at almost everything your partner is and does has crept into the relationship, it’s more a sign of the relationship wilting than some real new shortcomings you both have magically developed.

There are dozens of signs – small and big – to look for, when it comes to deciding, “Should we think things through once again?” Over to you…

5 Women’s Day Gift Ideas for Your Special Woman

The web is abuzz with preparations for the upcoming Women’s Day on 8^th March. (And Love in India is no exception. If you haven’t ‘Like’d my entry to the Indusladies Women’s Day Blog Contest 2013, please consider doing it now. Thank you. ;))

Photo by movementh

Women’s Day is not like any other Day. The idea of Women’s Day took shape in the beginning of the 20^th century from events around the burgeoning labour movement of that period. The first ever National Women’s Day was celebrated on Feb. 28, 1909 in the US by The Socialist Party of America in honour of the Feb. 28, 1908 labour strike and protests organized in New York by garment workers in which women played a pivotal role.

Consequently, Women’s Day has come to stand for political and economic freedom for women. It’s a symbol of women’s identity, equality and empowerment. Women’s Day therefore, is not a day for your regular chocolates and roses. I believe the gifts you give to your special woman on this special day ought to reflect your belief in the strength and power in her womanhood.

Here are a few ideas I had.

#1. Women’s books

Feminist literature is always a great choice when it comes to Women’s Day gifting. One of the first books which come to mind in this category would be The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf, a compelling treatise on how the modern times have come with increasing pressure on women to conform to a rather limiting and rigid standard of physical beauty even as women’s political, legal and economic freedom has increased more than ever before. If your woman has a taste for a tad weightier philosophical non-fiction you can try The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer – another smashing best-seller from the 1970s – a passionate exploration of women’s sexuality and its possible repression by our current consumerist society.

Or you can go for something of a more general interest like the celebrated fictionized monograph on space for women as writers A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf.

#2. Movies

Something we all love. Why not celebrate this Women’s Day by gifting (and watching) DVDs of movies which talk about endless struggles through history of perfectly ordinary women who emerged extraordinarily strong and capable as they fought for themselves and what they believed in, at the cost of everything – sometimes their own life. If you’re looking for ideas, the wildly popular fictionized real story of a single mother and fierce environmental activist Erin Brokovitch is a good place to start.

My personal favourite however is North Country – another reality-based account of the long battle (and a landmark victory) of one of America’s earliest female miners against her employer on charges of tolerating a range of sexual abuses meted out to women workers by their male colleagues.

A relatively recent release in this genre is Made in Dagenham. a 2010 movie on the valiant protests of women workers of 1968 in the Ford Dagenham car plant against gender discrimination at the workplace.

If she’s a fan of vintage movies, Silkwood is the pick for you. It’s Meryl Streep’s portrayal of Karen Silkwood, the brave metallurgy worker at a plutonium plant who dared to protest against the blatant violation of worker safety measures there and was deliberately contaminated, psychologically tortured and maybe even murdered as a result of it.

#3. Something special

Throughout history, sexuality has been used as an instrument of keeping women repressed prisoners of their own bodies – with tools as varied as sexual molestation inflicted by a stranger to forced pregnancies imposed by her own family. As a result, legalization of birth control and abortion marked a turn in the history of women’s liberation in this world – by putting women in control of their own bodies. The relatively newly invented women’s condom takes this control one step further, which can be a radical and very thoughtful symbolic gift for your special woman on Women’s Day. If you think you’re up to it, these Women’s Day special female condom deals on CupoNation, which I were invited to check out, can come in very handy. The apt slogan – “celebrate womanhood by taking care of yourself” – perfectly sums up my view on this.

#4.Women’s handicrafts

We feel proud to be the fortunate emancipated daughters of centuries of battle for liberation of the fairer sex. Women today have more legal, political and economic freedom than ever before.

But which women?

Photo by PhotoRipple

Only the women you and I know. The women at the bottom of the pyramid continue to remain the worst victims of the patriarchal social values and consequent loss of freedom, especially in our traditionally inclined culture. On this Women’s Day, show your solidarity to the women’s cause by supporting these women. Gift your special woman a work of handicraft/ethnic clothing/decorative items/homemade snacks produced by rural women’s cooperatives and self-help groups. You can start from any of the Indian state emporia. Or you can try out the produce of non-profit organizations trying to help downtrodden women in a productive way like Village Women Craft or Sadhana.

#5. Something original

Finally, the creative stuff.

You want to show her you value her as an individual? Write her a letter telling her what makes her special, not only as a woman, but as a human being.

If you’re a traditional household (in case you’re married) take up some of her usual responsibilities – by cooking a surprise dinner for her for example.

Tell her to take a day off from the daily grind and do exactly what she likes Commit to managing the rest on your own. Go crazy (if you aren’t already).

Do you have any other ideas for celebrating this women’s day with your special woman? What are your thoughts? Let me know by leaving a comment.

Orange Nights

“To laughter that can awake the dead.”

Afternoons seem unbearably long these days. As I proceeded to fill today’s with cajoling the living room bookshelf out of its antique torpor buried in a cosy quilt of dust, I chanced upon an equally antique, long-forgotten copy of The Second Sex . Mites have devoured the ‘w’ and both the ‘d’s, nibbling on a few ‘t’s and the ‘n’. The 1988 you beyond that faded scrawl on the first blank page is still remarkably clearly visible.

Or so I felt.

It was our third show of “Orange Nights” in the HDCM auditorium. When you met me backstage I was sipping a cup of hastily made tea – every cell in my body craving energy as my heart brimmed with the exhilaration of having delivered another successful show to the campus community.

I don’t remember if I’ve ever told you how thoroughly you bored me that evening with your hackneyed suggestions of how I should stop studying Statistics and become a professional scriptwriter or stage actress instead – until you pulled out that book, wrapped in matt-finished handmade brown paper with lyrical scribbles all over for garnish.

Since then I’ve lead my life as away as I could from this exquisite bunch of dangerous thoughts which you – in hindsight so ironically – planted in my heart. Never looking back, never regretting anything.

I ran into it though – a year and three months ago, to be precise.

I was somewhere in between half-real delirious dreams and consciousness as I lay in that alien white berth with metal railings reeking of delicately preserved hygiene. My jangled senses racked with bits and pieces of the world around me – whiff of disinfectants, the prick of needles, Sonu’s bawls, hushed whispers in known, unknown, half-known voices, “suicide”, “jumped off”, “crazy”, “God’s miracle” … and in the middle of all this were the unspectacled lanky ruffle-haired you of that faraway night – smiling at me holding a small oblong package wrapped in brown paper.

But poor Sonu had not seen that night – our first night. When my innocent little baby came sobbing to me, showing me those messages from your mobile you’d exchanged with that lady over the last two years, he hardly knew how selfishly I loved you.

“I’m sorry Mona,” you’d pleaded. “You changed.”

“I’d fallen in love with a talented independent free-thinking unique woman. An embodiment of life whose laughter could awake the dead. Not a mentally middle-aged quintessential housewife who can’t think beyond her husband’s lunch and her son’s impending Board exams.”

Somewhere I’d got it all wrong.

I wanted to be the perfect wife for you. I’d loved you with my everything. I wanted you to think I was the best decision of your life.

Remember how you used to marvel at my stoic refusal to complain about your mum’s never-ending rant against me and my “uncouth” family, day after weary day?

“My love for you is not ordinary. I vow not to force you to choose between the two most beloved people of your life,” the ideal wife had explained to you. Do you think the “independent free-thinking” me would’ve survived those days with her love for you intact?

I was a star performer in my company – as long as the family needed the money more than the time, before the priorities reversed and I didn’t bat an eyelid before kissing the job market goodbye. What do you think the “talented, unique” me would have done, Arnab?

As you spent your evenings slogging your way to becoming one of the most respected sales leaders of the industry, I put more of my focus into Sonu’s deadlines than I’ve ever put into my own.

No, I’m not the “independent free-thinking unique embodiment of life” anymore, Arnab, I’m the ordinary quintessential eternal foundation of life. I’ve made a sacrifice countless women all across history and geographies have made so that you could see this day.

So that my son could see this day.

The perfect mother and wife in me never bothered about the exquisite imperfect real woman that she’d so carefully put to sleep so long back.

Until she became a useless burden to you.

Until she greeted death face-to-face and came back.

Until today.

No, I have neither shame nor regret to have given my everything to the people I love.

What I do regret though is the fact that in the process I’ve forgotten to be myself, love myself, celebrate myself.

Almost. :)

No I don’t consider my life over.

I’m 45 years young. The adult years that lie ahead of me are as many in number as the ones that lie behind – only wiser and richer in experience.

You and Sonu remain as focal to my existence today as you were yesterday. Only one more character has been promoted from the sidelines to the lead in this final act – myself.

Let me once again remind you of what you’d told me that extraordinary night – I had it in me to be a writer. You know what? I’ve decided to take that seriously – twenty-six long years after you said it.

What you’re reading is my first attempt at proving it.

Happy Anniversary.

An entry to the Indusladies 4th Annual International Women’s Day Blog Contest 2013.

Kissing Goodbye to Freedom: The Moral Police and Public Display of Affection in India

It was a moment of solemn beauty.

The sea a hundred bawling shades of grey. The moon and black chasing each other across the fickle sky. The sporadic drizzles pecking the mutinous waves down below.

I was speechless. Just thankful that it’ s all happening. I don’t know when it was –but I guess right after I’d pecked him lightly on the cheek – when my reverie was shattered by the distinct sound of throat-clearing behind us.

There he was –short, dark and carrying a colossal round paunch and an even more colossal smile of conceit – the omnipresent (OK with the exception of where he’s needed) Indian policeman.

He had apparently known it all along – what we were up to. He’d been keeping a “close watch on us” ever since we parked the car, you see.

“The people who live on this road are the most important people of Mumbai,” he warned. “ I’m entrusted with making sure no one disturbs their peace of mind. And you, sir, are doing just that with your obscene acts. So I’ll have to fine you. Rs. 4000.” And with that he pretended to pull out some papers.

“But we don’t have so much cash on us. Will Rs. 500 do???” My multiple brained academic star of a husband blurted out.

***

I’d later shared this story with a friendly taxiwala and this is what he’d got to say, “One bakhra like you per day, and the b***ard’s achieved nirvana. You should never have even offered more than Rs. 50.”

Welcome to the world of haggling over bribes. But I digress…

You know who I’m talking about – you’re all familiar with him – the fatherly neighbourhood policeman who always has an eye out for youngsters running a risk of going astray. That well-meaning gentleman who always shows up at the right time and place to teach you ~~the price of~~ a lesson or two on the right way to behave in this country.

What makes him so powerful? So omniscient?

Welcome to ~~the scar on the face~~ Section 294 of the IPC of 1860, which deals with obscenity laws in this country, and is generally used by policemen for earning those few extra bucks for their hard work of harassing innocent young couples. Here’s how it goes.

Whoever, to the annoyance of others,

(a) does any obscene act in any public place, or

(b) sings, recites or utters any obscene song, ballad or words, in or near any public place, shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to three months, or with fine, or with both.

Now that’s what I call the death-knell of individual freedom. And that’s because of those three little highlighted words in there.

What is ‘annoyance’? In the maddening motley of noodle straps and noodle-nourished necrophilia, spaghetti and spirituality, premarital abstinence and preposterous abuse that is India, how do we define what is ‘obscene’?

The spine-chilling aspect of this Section however, is the ‘others’. If ‘annoyance’ of some unqualified group of ‘others’ could be the legal basis for determining the degree of criminal offense committed, we could just as well blissfully repeal our legal code altogether and defer all legal decisions to “the majority”.

To take an example – I’m sure a great majority of Indians would consider love marriages “annoying”, if the sheer proportion of Indian marriages that are arranged is anything to go by. Does that mean a “love marriage” is a crime as per the IPC?

We’ve all (I hope) heard of those magnificent things called “individual rights”. The legal code stipulates what falls within and outside of these rights. If the majority finds the exercising of any of these rights offensive, I should think it’s their business to learn to deal with it.

Our law however leaves “obscenity” and “annoyance” to extortion. Did I say extortion? I meant interpretation. Unfortunately for the common man the only significance of that tiny room for interpretation is the brilliant scope of extortion and harassment created within it by some resourceful government servants (read police-people).

As a totally irrelevant and insignificant aside, I’d like to mention that we were already married when the Worli sea face incident occurred.

Repeat – We were already married when the Worli sea face incident occurred.

“But why do you think telling that to the police person would’ve made any difference? He accused us of performing obscene acts in the public, and whether we’re married or not has got nothing to do with it – isn’t that so?” My poor guy enquired innocently.

“Oh that’s only inside your logical little brain dear. This is India. Marriage is the ultimate license for any act of affection between a man and a woman – obscene or otherwise.” I sighed.

Apparently my instincts had not lied.

It is inconceivable how … the expression of love by a young married couple, in the manner indicated in the FIR, would attract the offence of obscenity and trigger the coercive process of the law.

That’s what Justice Muralidhar of the Delhi High Court had to say in his judgement, dismissing obscenity charges brought on by an FIR filed against a married couple caught kissing in public, in 2009. Incidentally, the police overlooked to name any “annoyed” complainants in this FIR.

Married? Unmarried? Legal? Illegal? Seen? Obscene? The jury is still out on the question of legitimacy of Public Display of Affection (PDA) in its varying degrees and contexts. But here’s something that’s certain – as long as the laws remain antiquated and unclear, and the police remain free of a stipulated code of permissible conduct while dealing with possible offenders at the scene, harassment and extortion of young innocent couples by the force responsible for upholding the law, are here to stay.

The 5 Main Challenges of an Inter-Religious Marriage and How to Overcome Them

About two years back I’d written a post on intercaste couples. Recently someone asked me whether there are any challenges specific to inter religious couples apart from the ones already discussed there. Let’s look at that in today’s post.

Photo by Sephiroty Fiesta

What’s religion?

Unlike a caste, a religion is a way of life. A religion has far deeper and broader effects on how you lead your life, how you think, how you perceive others etc., than castes. The challenges of inter-religious couples are therefore a lot more complex, running a lot deeper. After some research and analysis, I could finally boil down the often not so easy to define range of possible challenges of inter-religious couples to these fundamental five.

Lack of support from friends and family: According to sociologist Lynette Clemetson, the relative lack support that inter-cultural couples might receive from friends and family in the initial period of their relationship, can give rise to trust issues between them later which makes the relationship difficult (Clemetson, 2000). The same is applicable to inter-religious couples also. I’d suggest you take time to understand each other fully, gain confidence in your commitment and only then introduce each other to your families, so as to earn more of their support.
Challenges understanding each other: As you know, a religion is a way of life. For example, I’m a Hindu – I’m used to seeing idols worshipped every day in my home. If you’re a Christian this might come across as blasphemous to you. Religion shapes everything from lifestyle (consider the strict vegetarianism practised by Jains), to philosophy of life (think Muslims having their own legal code). Two people coming from two different religious backgrounds, thus, need to make extra efforts to understand each other. Fun activities like picking up a children’s book on the history of each other’s religions, or participating in religious holidays can be powerful first steps in the lifelong journey of overcoming such barriers.
Patience and acceptance: There are always moments in an inter-religious marriage when differences in beliefs are probably really irresolvable. Such situations are inevitable. It’s not always easy to think outside the box you’ve lived in since birth. Being conscious of such a possibility and having the patience to accept differences and yet love each other for who they are is crucial for success of the relationship.

Photo by Marriage Bureau

Children: The most challenging aspect of inter-religious marriages is probably handing down beliefs systems and life philosophies to children. However all religions have the same values and spiritual aims at their core. It’s the practices and traditions which differ. You need to inculcate this basic understanding in your children early on and help them see each of your religions as just one more way to spiritual enlightenment. If you as an inter-religious couple can do it right, your children have the potential to grow up as more aware, more conscious people than children of same-religion marriages. The inter-religious family will also help them develop a truly open outlook of the world and treat human beings as human beings, irrespective of their caste, creed, race and religion.
Parents: Some of you might think this should’ve been my first point, but I’ve deliberately moved it to the last. On the basis of my own experience I believe that in terms of gravity, outside challenges to a relationship can never even compare to the challenges any couple faces between them, to make their own relationship work. So far as your parents are concerned, you’ll convince them. Here are a lot of strategies to get that in line: Convincing Parents for Intercaste Relationship.

Are you in an inter-religious relationship? Do you know someone who is? What’s your experience of the joys and pitfalls of such a relationship? Make use of the comments section to let others know.

“Does He Like Me?” Heed These 7 Signs

She’s reached her limits. After the deadly dose of ten excruciating helpings, her nerves just won’t take any more of it.

Any more of my Valentine’s Day posts, that is.

She – the mingleness-aspiring single – has threatened to break up with Love in India, if we continue to ignore her existence in the way we have (she alleges) over the last ten Valentine’s Day posts (or two weeks).

Photo by Staydazzled

With that gun pointed at my head, I’ve quickly decided to tackle the question she keeps asking me but I didn’t get a chance to answer as apparently I was “too busy chatting up the Valentines”. The question is:

“Does he like me?”

Without risking any more of her patience, I’ll jump right into the answer.

Talks to you without any reason: Does he keep pinging/texting you but it always seems to be “for no particular reason”? Most guys feel a little shy and nervous around the girl they like. This makes them beat about the bush when they’re talking to her. If a guy seems to really like talking to you, but it’s never “about” anything, watch out.
Gets nervous around you: Next time you’re around him, ask yourself – “Does he like me?” and look for the answer in his body language. Have you noticed how he behaves? That shifty look and blushy smile? Those longing eyes which won’t stop staring at you if it seemed you were not looking? Shy attraction, coupled with an inability to be open and relaxed usually means he might have something going for you.
Concerned for you: He shows a lot of concern at the slightest sign of any trouble for you.
“You didn’t come to college today. Are you alright??”

“What? You lost your notebook? I’ll keep mine photocopied and give it to you first thing tomorrow.”

If he’s one who doesn’t hesitate to involve himself in your troubles just to help you out – he definitely has a thing for you.

Tries to find out if you have a boyfriend: He likes you, so he’s shy around you, so he won’t ask you anything directly. But watch out for questions like:

“What do you like doing on weekends?”

“Oh you watched that movie in the theatre? Did you go with your friends?”

“What are your future plans?”

While innocent on the surface, the translation of these might read a bit like this:

“Do you have a boyfriend who you hang out with in the weekends?”

“Do you have a boyfriend who you go to movies with?”

“Do you have a boyfriend who you’re planning a future with??? L L”

Look no further and ask no more, “Does he like me?”
Asks you how to get a girl: Once he’s started to lose is shyness a bit, he tells you that he’s looking for a girl. He describes the attributes of his ideal girl, which – needless to say – match perfectly with yours’. He even asks you if you know someone who would fit his bill.
If a guy is telling you to find you a girl for him who’s just like you, rest assured – he’s fallen for you.
All his interests seem to match yours: Whenever you mention some interest of yours, he usually echoes.
“Oh Tom Hanks is my favourite actor too.”

“What a coincidence! Before you mentioned it I would never think someone from our generation could be as mad about ghazals as I am!”

Photo by chicago red cross

If it seems all his interests are miraculously aligned to you, he’s probably quite into you.
If you flirt with others…: There’s this guy you’re really good friends with. You often hang out with him. But whenever you mention him to Mr. Mystery, he falls silent for a moment and then changes the topic. If you’re wondering why, here’s the answer: He’s jealous. Now do you really need to ask again – “Does he like me??” ;)

Okay, Miss. Mingle-minded single? Does that make sense? Would you come back and tell me if they worked? The comments section’s all open for you.

I’ll go try to calm my nerves now. The break-up threat was really a scare.

Valentine’s Day Card Workshop 7 – The Tajmahal of My Love

Here’s #7 – the final one in Love in India special series of DIY Valentine’s Day Cards, which are exquisite, original and all take less than 10 minutes to make. I call today’s card “The Tajmahal of My Love.” You’ll find out why.

Things you’ll need:

1. Heart-shaped post-its of two different colours. (alternatively, ordinary post-its of two different colours)

2. Scissors.

3. A pencil.

4. Glue

5. Coloured pens (Optional, for decoration)

Valentine’s Day card 7 step 1: Take 2 sets of 3 heart-shaped post-its each (of two different colours). Or make heart-shaped post-its from ordinary post-its as shown in Valentine’s Day Card Workshop 2.

Valentine’s Day card 7 step 2: Take one of the sets and draw the tail of a smaller heart (inside the boundaries of the heart-shaped paper). It’s not necessary to draw the entire heart. Now cut along the line so that each of the 3 post-its in this set have a slit in the shape of the tail of a heart.

Valentine’s Day card 7 step 3: Fit one post-it from the other set into each of the slits (don’t attach with glue). Then mark out two points on the joint spine, equidistant from the two ends. Then draw two lines parallel to the two shoulders, through this point. Repeat this for each of the three pairs.

Valentine’s Day card 7 step 4: Write your favourite love quote on each heart. They should remain below the lines you’ve drawn. In the hearts with the slits, they should also remain within the (imaginary) smaller heart whose tail lies along the slit. Like this:

Valentines Day Card 7 step 5: Make eight strips of coloured paper (you can cut these out from other similar post-its). These would serve as the pillars of my Tajmahal.

Valentines Day Card 7 step 6: Make little folds on both the ends of each strip and put glue on them.

Valentines Day Card 7 step 7: Now get to work building your Tajmahal, attaching the floors (the heart-shaped panels) with your pillars. Each heart will have two pillars attached to it, and only in the portion above the shoulder-lines you drew on each of them. This will ensure that the pillar don’t interfere with the quotes. Make sure all the quote-ed sides face the same side in both the sets.

Valentines Day Card 7 step 8: Let me see how dextrous you are with your fingers as you now fit the un-slit hearts into the slit-ed ones. J This is how it will look from the top when your Tajmahal is done. Note how there’s no hint of the quotes when you look at your Tajmahal from the top. More about that later.

Top View:

Bottom View:

Valentines Day Card 7 step 9: Present your sweetheart with your Tajmahal and tell them, “Go on. Blow up the palace of my love.” All your feelings will be tumbling out in the form of your quotes when they blow it up.

Like that? No? Let me know in any case by leaving a comment. :)

Valentine’s Day Card Workshop 6 – My Heart Beats for You

Here’s #6 – the last but one DIY Card in Love in India special series of hand-made Valentine’s Day Cards, which is always the best gift you could ever give your sweetheart.
Like all of my DIY projects, this one shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes of your time.
“My Heart Beats for You”– that’s what your sweetheart will say when they receive this very special gift from you.

Things you’ll need:

1. Heart-shaped post-its of two different colours. (alternatively, ordinary post-its of two different colours)

2. Scissors.

3. A pencil.

4. Glue

5. Coloured pens (Optional, for decoration)

Valentine’s Day card 6 step 1: Take four heart-shaped post-its ( I leave the colour selection to you – they can be of same or different colours, or a combination of sets of two…go nuts ;)). You can also mheart-shaped post-its from ordinary post-its as shown in Valentine’s Day Card Workshop 2.

Valentine’s Day card 6 step 2: Fill them up with your favourite love quotes.

Valentine’s Day card 6 step 3: Make 6 strips of coloured paper from post-its. These will serve as the muscles and arteries which hold your heart together. ;)

Valentine’s Day card 6 step 4: Make little folds on both the ends of each strip and put glue on them.

Valentines Day Card 6 step 5: Now string your heart together, attaching the valves (which are nothing but your love, I mean the heart-shaped post-its with your quotes on them) with the arteries (the strips). You’ll first choose a base heart, and then stick the six strips (here onwards called pillars) in such a way that you can attach three other hearts to it – one on each side – to eventually create a 3D heart.
So here are two pillars stuck on to the two rounded peaks near the head of the base heart. In addition there are two pairs of parallel pillars on each of the sides of the base heart.

Here’s what it looks like:

Valentines Day Card 6 step 6: And then … yes you’ve guessed it right – put glue on the fronts of each of the pillars and stick on a heart on each pair. Like this:

Here’s your final beating heart.

Valentines Day Card 6 step 7: You must be wondering why I have left out the folded ends of the pillar strips. They’re there, so that if you want, you can put glue on them and stick your beating heart on to a greeting card as a decoration. Like this:

Hey! Don’t judge me by the artistic expressions manifested by the greeting card. It’s just a sample. ;)

My Valentine’s Day 3: “I Give You Time Till Valentine’s Day Midnight to Come Back”, Anwesha’s Open Letter

Oh Yes. Valentine’s Day.

I’ll never forget our first.

Here I was at home, getting my morning fix of local news, when this huge bouquet arrived. You should thank your stars that it was me and not my mom who opened the door.

There was no note, no name. I have to admit I felt secretly happy, even though I was already in a relationship with you at the time.

But that was not all – a CD collection of my favourite singer, along with a note arrived around mid-day. It was an invitation to a candle lit dinner, complete with directions.

In the hierarchy of forbidden pleasures, few can match that of a woman in a committed relationship receiving non-boyfriend non-husband attention. I decided to go ahead. ;)

If there’s anything called a trauma of exhilaration, I got a taste of it that day.

I reached the restaurant and there you were! Wearing the shirt I gave you last birthday and my favourite smile, it was my prince, who’d planned an elaborate Valentine’s Day for his princess – complete with all the surprises a girl could ask for and then some!

…

It’s real that we’re not together anymore, is it? I don’t even know what went wrong. I have tried my best. I know I’m always there and I’ll keep every promise I made you, even if we never see each other again. Whatever you do, please – please be happy.

Maybe…just… remember me sometimes. Maybe when you’re asleep, sometimes dream of what could’ve been, if we’d tried.

I know I can handle the challenges you were afraid of. And if you know me or my love at all, you know that too.

You remember those pretty verses I used to write for you which always made you laugh? Here’s one I wrote last night.

Dono ankhon mein ashq liya karte hain
Hum apni neend mein tera naam kiya karte hain
Jab bhi palkein jhapke tumhari,
Samajh lena hum tumhe dil se yaad kiya karte hain…..

Outgrowing my feelings for you is hard to do it seems. ;)

On this Valentine’s Day I want you to know that I’ll be waiting…till 11:59: 59 PM today. If you ever loved me, show me now. But if you don’t, I’ll understand. I’ll understand that it was my mistake – I was living in a reality of make-believe. That all that happened over the all those months were mere figments of my imagination – even your love. That’ll make it easier for me to close this chapter forever.

Valentine’s Day Card Workshop 5 – Chains of Love

Here’s #5 in Love in India special series of DIY Valentine’s Day Cards. Their speciality is that while they’re all exquisite (which you’ll get in many DIY sites around the web), they’re also original and most importantly – each take less than 10 minutes to make (which you’ll not get anywhere else ;)). Today’s is called “Chains of Love”. Here’s the final version.

Things you’ll need:

1. Heart-shaped post-its of two different colours. (alternatively, ordinary post-its of two different colours)

2. Scissors.

3. A pencil.

4. Glue

5. Coloured pens (Optional, for decoration)

Valentine’s Day card 5 step 1: Choose heart shaped post-its of two different colours. Or make heart-shaped post-its from ordinary post-its as shown in Valentine’s Day Card Workshop 2.Take 4 of each. Each set of 4 post-its is used for making one chain link. So we’re choosing 8 post-its for making a basic 2 link chain. If you want to make a longer, more gorgeous chain, you can choose any number of post-its as long as it’s a multiple of four.

Valentine’s Day card 5 step 2: Make 8 equally sized coloured strips of paper. These would serve as the links in the chains of hearts.

Valentine’s Day card 5 step 3: Put glue on the two ends of each strip and use them to connect two heart-shapes each. You now have the basic units of the two chain links.

Valentine’s Day card 5 step 4: Decorate each chain link with your favourite quote on each post-it.

Valentines Day Card 5 step 5: Complete the first chain link by connecting the first post-it with the 4th, with the help of a connecting strip.

Valentines Day Card 5 step 6: Complete the next chain link through the first. You now have a complete chain of love.

Valentines Day Card 5 step 7: Fold up the entire thing. It will make it look like a clumsy compilation of quotes to the person receiving your gift. I’m sure you can imagine their surprise when they open it up and see your gorgeous chain of love.

Valentines Day Card 5 step 8: Alternatively you can create the two links separately and use them as love bands to be worn around the wrist.

Like that? No? Let me know in any case by leaving a comment. :)