If you’ve been following Love in India’s romantic messages for a while, you’d know that we’ve already talked about inter-caste marriages and inter-religion marriages. Another of the most common questions I get asked by readers is “I have a girlfriend/boyfriend. How can I convince my parents of a love marriage?” I thought I’ll put my thought together on that today.
Photo by midgetmanofsteel#1. Convince your parents of your love marriage by making them meet him/her: The first step to convincing your parents of a love marriage is making them meet your girlfriend/boyfriend. Don’t even go into any discussions with them before making them meet your special someone. The purpose of this meeting is to establish to your parents what a perfect husband/wife he/she will make for you. Coach your girlfriend/boyfriend accordingly before this meeting (Disclaimer: I’m not talking about putting up a fake face to your parents. I’m only emphasizing that they need to put their best feet forward when they meet them).
At the end of the day your parents want your happiness. If you can use this meeting to impress upon them that he/she is a perfect match for you it’ll be easy for you to convince them of a love marriage with him/her.
#2. Convince your parents of your love marriage by creating a mutual relationship: An even better thing to do however, is to introduce your girl/guy to your parents as a friend of yours, at least a year before you plan to marry. Help them know each other and familiarize with each other. Later when you bring up the question of marriage with your parents, you’re talking about someone they know very well. Hence convincing your parents of a love marriage with the person they know so well and for so long would be much easier.
#3. Convince your parents of your love marriage by giving them a reality check: Nothing is as convincing as reality. In order to convince your parents of your love marriage, give them real life examples of happy and successful “love marriages”. Don’t forget to also throw in a few examples of people you know whose marriages were arranged and have turned out to be unhappy. ;) Cite these isntances, stating how being in a relationship with someone for some time before marriage is essential to judging mutual compatibility and consequently, to creating a better chance for having a happy life together. Which brings me to the most crucial point…
#4. Convince your parents of your love marriage on the basis of compatibility: Explain to your parents the importance of mutual compatibility and understanding in a marriage, which essentially needs to be gauged (to the extent possible) before taking the final decision. Compatibility goes much beyond castes, horoscopes, food habits, family background and financial capability. It depends on personality types, beliefs, likes and dislikes, attitude towards the relationship etc. And these things can never be even gauged without spending at least a year or two in an active relationship with each other (which you hopefully have, with your significant other). And no, the modern arranged marriage which involves fixing the date of the marriage first and spending a year dating each other next doesn’t count. This is based on the obvious fact that the time a couple spends together in a relationship before marriage is meant to aid the decision of whether to get married or not. If that decision has already been taken, any amount of pretend-dating doesn’t count.
#5. Convince your parents of your love marriage citing crucial mutual emotional needs: Different people have different emotional needs from their partners. It takes some time to gauge whether a person’s emotional needs are going to be satisfied by another person. In an arranged marriage context, there’s no way of knowing this, since the degree of emotional closeness that is required before someone can find out whether the other satisfies their needs or not, is impossible to attain before such a marriage. You need to make them see this in order to convince your parents of your love marriage.
A friend of mine was a free-thinking romantic ball of fire before marriage. She happened to have her marriage arranged to a financially well-established, dependable but rather practical and unromantic guy six years her senior. Soon after the marriage it became apparent that if he were chalk, she would be cheese. No wonder she totally changed as a person, shut herself up emotionally and is living in a mental prison ever since. Do your parents want that for you? I’m sure not.
#6. Convince your parents of your inter-caste love marriage: Of course, in some Indian families the hardest of marriages to earn a parental thumbs-up on is an inter-caste marriage. Along with all the usual challenges of convincing your parents of a love marriage to the girl/guy of your choice, this once comes with its own set of hurdles – like age old traditions, strong stereotypes held by many people, and above all, your parents’ fear of social ostracism should they allow you to marry someone from a different caste (particularly, a so-called “lower” one).
It’s not easy, to say the least.
Here are some tips and strategies thousands have benefited from, which you can also use to cope with the situation: 5 Tips to Handle Intercaste Relationships.
But what if your parents are stubborn and just won’t give in to your tricks and strategies? Here’s what: Help! My Parents Are Not Agreeing to My Marriage!
Have you ever tried to convince your parents of your love marriage to your boyfriend/girlfriend? What was the experience like? I’m eagerly waiting to read about your experiences in the comments section.
Hi,
I love your this article, actually I have a basic & small problem with my relationship. My Mom doesn’t like girl friend name. Whenever I start discussion about my girl friend to my Mom ! My always dislike like her name & her too. I don’t understand what I don in this case.
Well..for starters you can ask her why she puts so much emphasis on a NAME? I’m sure ur mum understands that there’s nothing in a name that says anything about the person it is carried by. If not try to explain the same to her. Also ask her if she doesn’t like your girlfriend as a person also. If she doesn’t then u need to go for a period of negotiation while making sure all three of u spend some time together so that the two ladies can get to know each other more. :)
I don’t wanna discuss more here on comment ! Give your mail id that I can mail you my full story & problems.
Hi Vivek,
I have a girl friend (intercast), we love each other like anything. We are worried about the future consequences. Both the families are against intercast. Pls help me.
Mail ID is:
Kolkarsachin84@gmail.com
Thanks,
Sachin
My parents are not understanding me mom and dad both . My uncle anti both are asking them to marry me whrere im asking but mom and dad said her family is not good thay will interfere in our business . Plzz tell me what I do
People sometimes have dislike for certain names & trust me they have a reason behind it. Though I am sure she also understands that there is no practical reasons behind it but in such cases our emotions/heart always overshadowed our brain. Talk to your mother & try to find her reason & than you will have your answer yourself.
My advise to all who are facing reluctance from there parents is – Pour them with love, care, affection & respect. Do all these so genuinely & to an extent that they feel proud to have you as a son/Daughter & you will see a significant change in their opinion. never threaten, blackmail or reject their opinion.
hi bro my name is also vivek…… try to call ur gf with another name infront of ur mother
hey friends…..
i have a big problem. my parents thought is very old.
and i fall in true love.
my parents never agree for this.
i can’t convence them.
what i do?
Same problem here too…..me too dont no wat to do nw:-(
If u hav any idea plz say me k….
Well, there is no such problem in my case..!!
The ways you mentioned are pretty good. :)
He he.. :) Thanks for commenting Dhruv. :)
Hello,
This is good. First time my parent are against inter-caste marriage. But now they are against my girlfriend. They know her and her family since many year. And they have negative thoughts about her and her family. Other people/Society people also tell to my parents that don’t establish relationship with that family. My parents also don’t want to meet her and her family.
I am disturbed and and confused. What to do ?
Thanks
Dis article is certainly very helpful, but iff parents have a very orthodox mindset ??? i mean when d issue is about d marriage of their own kids its all about honour, respect in community etc… n all trivial, totally (actually) negligible things which have now become very important, because its about their son/daughter… then they become too adamant & whatever means their kids try, it all seems to be falling on deaf ears…
I’ll be blunt Swapnil – if a young person’s parents’ honour and respect in the community is more important to them than their child’s happiness, the child should take their own happiness more seriously than their parent’s honour.
That is to say – of course the first step of proceeding towards a marriage is to try to obtain everyone’s blessings. Your parents are after all, well, your parents. Your first natural assumption of course is that your happiness is their first priority. In the unfortunate case that they have reservations against your choice of partner, you should plead with them, negotiate with them and convince them.
If, however, your first assumption is proven – rather unfortunately – wrong, you have to take a very long hard look at your life and your priorities and ask yourself what makes you happier – to make a life-changing sacrifice to see your parents happy, or to take a plunge into the life of your choice with the person of your choice irrespective of everything else and then hope that everything else will fall into place?
Always remember, you have that choice.
can i have ur email id please
Hi. I love my parents alot they are my life. But from the past three years some one came into my life and became my life. Now three are there for me to live i.e., dady,mom and him… I cannot any of these three. My parents they wont agree for love marriage. I cant even expect what will be their situation if I take this matter to them. I cant lead my with other anjana i want my entire life with these three. Plz help me
i am on the same situation now bf let me go as his parents as him to be in arrange marriage one month from now he will be engage. thinking of it is already killing me…
i almost want to die please help me whatyo do to remove the pain
hii
iam keerthana…i too in ur same situation…plz contact me..keer.sana@gmail.com
hey,
i am in a relationship with my guy since 1 nd half years… v r planning to tell dis at home nd get engaged. but he has to search job still.. be4 all dis my mum got to knw i m in love nd she created hungama.. the whole family of mine doesnt like me gettin into love.. i dunno wt to do. i m hurt seeing all dis.
Your situation is sadly all too common in Indian families, angel. However, be very sure – you can’t have a happy marriage in the midst of financial instability right at its beginning. Right now the top priority is for your boyfriend/you to get a job to support the two of you, so that if need be you can make the decision of getting married against your families’ wishes. Until you’ve done that, I’m afraid, you have to bear with it. Try this for ideas on dealing with stubborn parents: Help! My Parents are not Agreeing to My Marriage!
All the best.
please help me too. though me n my bf are from same caste they r not accepting us. they have a bad impression on my bf and they wont allow us to marry and blackmailing me. i cant leave both my parents and my bf. coz i love them all so so much. Pls help !! iam really undergoing very bad pain and situation, coz i cudn’t talk to my bf because of my parents emotional blackmails.
I want to marry a guy and I inform my parents for this but they said no because of caste and different culture , and dad was telling me that he will do something bad if I will get married to him, now I am so confuse that how to convince my parents,
Starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-caste marriage was not a good idea. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your boyfriend to impress your parents the right way so that their resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents (I don’t know if they can meet, given the different countries, but they can talk over the phone and chat on video maybe?)
Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
Let me tell you something Pooja – you can’t always have it all. Life is all about making conscious choices. By making a choice maybe you’ll give up something for something else, but you’d take back control of your life in the process. That’s what the article you’ve commented on is all about.
And emotional blackmailing? You really think you’re being fair to yourself when you give in to such distasteful tactics used by your parents against not a random guy on the street but their own child? I believe it’s every son or daughter’s duty to give their parents utmost importance in their lives, ’cause our parents are the only ones who’d love us selflessly and put our happiness above everything else. But not if that assumption isn’t true. Your parents clearly don’t value your happiness much. If they did they wouldn’t act in the unfortunate way their acting. Since it’s clear that they’re not hesitant to ruin your life just to have their way, don’t be hesitant to choose your life over their happiness. Please. You owe yourself this much.
Let me know what you decided. All the best. :)
All the best! :)
hi,
my problem is. my family know about my Gf past afaire (long past).
but now all is over and now we are in love . how to convence . i told that i dont have problem about that. i dont want to lose family n her too.
Hi pooja, I went through the same situation, where my parents were not agreeing for my boyfriend who is of different caste, and even younger to me by 4 years, also with lesser qualification than mine. And worst is somebody from my family told about my relationship to my parents.
The way I faught might be wrong, but would like to share. I stopped talking to my parents about my boy friend. They wanted me to marry and whenever marriage talks started, I just said that ‘I will just marry Him’…thats it..I didnt forced my parents to say yes, vice a versa, I never said yes also for any of the proposals.
My father said the same that he will commit suicide and all, but then I said, fine I wont marry anyone else also..This happened for an year and more,,Then a day came that they asked me my final decision, I said I will marry only that guy, THen they met him, liked him and things automatically shaped. THe only positive part of my case is I stay away from my parents in different city, so do not have to face them.
Even one of my friend did the same thing. She stays with her parents and did the same thing. She behaved normally at home, but only when marriage talks started, her answer was only that guy she loved. Parents got fed up and agreed finally.
you just need to give them time to accept this situation, you have to be calm..and the most important of all is, you guy should be supporting you in such decisions..
All the best..!!
my bf did not do the same thing he let me go, he did not fight for me.
now im picking the pieces of me… i dont know where to start
ur really great dimple ,my gf dint even open her mouth in front of her parents at last she is ready to get married with a financially well settled guy leaving my 8years love
dimple ji mere sath v yahi ho rha h mein to caste me hee shadi krna chahti hu fir v parents ni maan rahe kyuki unka ghar chota h bas itni si baat par wo ni maan re h mene unhe smjaya to kehte h ki chali jao ghar se or kr lo shadi
i m so tnsd muje v sab salah dete h ki shant rahu or bas tym tym par unhe smjati rahu apka mater padhkr lga ki sach me aise wo maan jaege
are yar thumhare papa ko bolo ki une thum khush chaiye ya nahi. Chaiye to tum uske sath hi shadi krni padgi .tab o nahi mane to une direct bol do ki shadi krungi to usise krungi nahi to kisise nahi krungi.ghar per hi thumare sath rungi.or try krte raho o ek na ek din jarur manege.or asa koi admi ho jis adami ko apake papa ache mante ho unki help lelo.jrur tum succes hogi.me god se pry krunga.
Hey there!
I am an mbbs from a good govt.college. I worked hardest in life,i found a girl of my choice,she is my batch mate. I took 2 years to decide whether its an infatuation or real love. I came to an end that i actually love her and by no means i can live with any other girl in this life. Means we are 100% compatible,she also realises seriously.
I made mistake! I told my parents straight that i have a girl as friend and i like her,i want to marry her.
God.my parents were so much in tension and depression that after a year they are in shock.
My friend’s dad is also against us the same way.
Now the situation is,we both are preparing for our post graduation exam and far away from each other but neither she nor i can live without each other. & yea i respect my parents so much that i once said yes upon their demand of not marrying a girl from other caste,whatever else i can do in life.
Actually my parents did a lot for me in life out of poverty but THEY ARE LIKE DEMANDING IN BACK TO LEAVE MY GIRL FOREVER AND MARRY A GIRL FROM MY OWN CASTE,which is impossible to me.coz i see life only in a girl,the first and perhaps the last in my life.
But the fact is i don’t need anything else.
If my friend has to marry other guy in parents pressure or due to my deficit,i cant stay home any longer,i got a passport,i will have to leave india.coz losing her is like losing my core values..and everything i own!
Your story is really touching, R. It’s incredibly heartening to know that true love such as yours exists in today’s world.
However it’s equally disheartening to know that whatever is shameful, coercive and anti-freedom about the Indian culture is not only limited to our uneducated masses, but are equally wide-spread among the educated elite (you’re a doctor for God’s sake!).
The short answer – if you’re unable to “hurt” your parents, don’t get married. Remain single all your life. I’m sure they’ll be happier to see you unhappy and alone than happily married to the love of your life who’s from a different caste.
The long answer:
Starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-caste marriage was not a good idea R. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your boyfriend to impress your parents the right way so that their resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents (I don’t know if they can meet, given the different countries, but they can talk over the phone and chat on video maybe?)
Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
Let me tell you something Pooja – you can’t always have it all. Life is all about making conscious choices. By making a choice maybe you’ll give up something for something else, but you’d take back control of your life in the process. That’s what the article you’ve commented on is all about.
And emotional blackmailing? You really think you’re being fair to yourself when you give in to such distasteful tactics used by your parents against not a random guy on the street but their own child? I believe it’s every son or daughter’s duty to give their parents utmost importance in their lives, ’cause our parents are the only ones who’d love us selflessly and put our happiness above everything else. But not if that assumption isn’t true. Your parents clearly don’t value your happiness much. If they did they wouldn’t act in the unfortunate way their acting. Since it’s clear that they’re not hesitant to ruin your life just to have their way, don’t be hesitant to choose your life over their happiness. Please. You owe yourself this much.
Let me know what you decided. All the best. :)
hope my boyfriend did the same thing to me. i love him so much, but hes now gone
Hi ,
We are in relation from last three years and now her parents are not approving this relationship. She is being tortured and harassed by her mom and uncle (mothers brother) saying they kill her or her mom will commit suicide. They also fixed her marriage . Please help us!.
Will you please help and advice, we both are in a very bad state of mind as we cant even able to speak to each other.
Regards,
Anish
8421322172
Anish you need to contact the Love Commandos. Call them immediately on 09313784375. They’re a voluntary organization which helps young couples get married in case their families are against them. It even provides them temporary shelter, legal advice etc. When you contact them they’d tell the two of you to meet one of their commandos at a pre-planned location and you can get married soon with their assistance, safely away from your families. If it’s impossible for her to leave her home because she’s locked up, you can ask help from commandos regarding that too. Locking up an adult person and restricting their freedom is definitely not legal, and action can be taken on the basis of that. But since I’m not an expert on the legal technicalities, I strongly suggest that you talk to the commandos once before you involve the police or any such thing.
There is no need to waste any words on how to “convince” such “parents” who threaten their children with crimes. This is not a moment for negotiation, or paying any heed to emotional blackmailing. This is a moment for action. Your girlfriend has to be strong. If young people like her continue to cow down to ruthless oppression by so called “elders”, she’d only sacrifice herself, nothing else. We need to change toxic practices like these and people like you and your girlfriend only can take the first steps.
Please check this: What to do when your parents just WON’T agree to your marriage
My prayers are always with you Anish.
The most common source of problems in relationships is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after about 5 years, and wondering where the love went.
It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that may fade, while love is a promise that has nothing to do with attraction. Love is a promise to do 4 things.
1. To accept everything that you know and do not know about her now.
2. To accept her regardless of what happens in the unknown future as you both age – for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health for as long as you both shall live. Even if she is disfigured by an accident or crippled by illness, you accept her.
3. To forgive her later. Since neither of you is perfect, you both depend on each others’ forgiveness.
4. To encourage her to improve. This 4th one gives purpose to your relationship – otherwise it will get boring.
If you are both ready to make and keep these promises to each-other, then you are ready to love. When you keep them, you demonstrate your love for each-other. After you formally make your promises at your wedding, you complete or consummate these promises with sexual intercourse. Every time that you subsequently have sexual intercourse, you reinforce your promises – it is truly a wonderful and mutually satisfying experience.
If you have sexual intercourse before making your promises, then you show her that you are capable of justifying forsaking her for a younger, shapelier rival when she gets older. If you are able to restrain yourself when your attraction for her is at its highest, then you show her that you are capable of resisting the rival that will inevitably come.
Can’t agree more Jeff… The key is not to take any decisions or make any commitments before you’ve been seeing each others for long enough..
Hi. I love my parents alot they are my life. But from the past three years some one came into my life and became my life. Now three are there for me to live i.e., dady,mom and him… I cannot any of these three. My parents they wont agree for love marriage. I cant even expect what will be their situation if I take this matter to them. I cant lead my with other anjana i want my entire life with these three. Plz help me
Can i your mail id plzzzz
go to free counselling page
Hi Sir/Madam,
Waiting for your advice,
Regards,
Anish
Already replied ANish… do write at sulagna@loveinindia.co.in if you have further queries.
Hi Sulagna,
Nothing worked yet… can you give some idea or if can you try to speak to her.
I provide you with her phone number.
Regards,
Anish
I’m sorry to hear that Anish. It’s been some time since you messaged. Let me know. :(
Hello, there is age difference of 4 years between me and my partner. He is younger to me and because of this his parents are not ready for marriage. My parents have agreed and now forcing to marry soon. He needs some time to convince his parents.
stucked up badly..!!!
Well Dimpal, first of all – congratulations. :) Being an Indian woman, you probably realize how lucky you are to have at least one set of parents supporting you. :)
As for the other, in your case I think you should give it some more time. Don’t give up on his parents right now. Talk to them for some more time. As far as Indain parents go, castes and religions and gothras are much harder obstacles to cross, so my feeling is your case still has a chance. :)
I’ve written extensively about the topic of convincing parents. I’m sure you’ve read it. Here are all my articles in case you’ve missed any of them:
How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage – 6 Steps
Impress your Girlfriend’s/Boyfriend’s Parents Before Discussing Marriage
What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
Do let me know how things go.
All the best.
Hello mam.. I read all your articles and all the replies and sugesstions you gave them.
but ma’am i have a similar problem. iam 19 and my seewtheart is 21 and i dont have a carrer now. i want to make a career or even a decent job so that i can marry her.. ma’am i want to tell you that today when i sit to study my mind goes into these problems and iam easily deviated from my work into depressing thought.. she is marwari and they do marry their daughter at early age.. ma’am plzzzzzzzz reply and plz find a solution which i can follow so that i can live the life of my dreams..
Abhishek. Relax.
You’re thinking too much too soon.
You’re both very young. THis is NOT the time for thinking about marriage etc. Those are at least 5 years away for both of you. If you waste your time worrying about the distant future right now you’ll:
1. Sacrifice your peace and happiness
2. Neglect your studies – something you’re already doing
3. Won’t get any closer to a solution.
Instead just tell yourself, “I’ll think about marriage when the time for it comes.” If your girlfriend worries too much tell her, “That’s too far away in the future. We’ll find a way when the time for it comes. Right now let’s just focus on our relationship and our studies.”
Use these intervening yeears to know each other better, to gauge your compatibility. At the same time prepare yourself for the future by determining yoru career goals and working hard to acheive them.
These are the only two things that will get you closer to what you want in the long run.
All the best. :)
I am from philippines and i have a boyfriend from kerala.our relationship is still 5 months.but i am scared.the more our relationship getting longer ofcourse the more it is painful when the time comes when he is about to marry by his parents choice.i love him so much!but i am really scared for one day he will give up on me for the sake of his parents.
now i am thinking.but i know its hard to distance myself with him.were living together and only me and my boyfriend and his bestfriend knows about it.only the 3 of us.
should i continue my relationship with him?
My heart say yes but my mind says no
I think mam you are right.. thank you for your reply. But you know what i really want to make my career but sometimes i dont understand why am i facing these problems. actually i really have my mind burden with my past experiences which are not letting me stand on my feet and that to is harming my professional life. I really don’t know whats happening. and mam when i get to a point when i can marry. then at that time please give me some ideas how to convince my parents and her.. thank you.
I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. HEre are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes you happy – neither what makes yoru mother happy, nor what makes your girlfriend happy.
All the best.
My age is 23 years & I am in a job far from home. I love a girl of my age & she loves me too very deeply. My parents don’t want me to engage in any inter-caste marriages because of society reasons. They liked the girl only as my friend. I had a good relationship with her family also. My mother always had a good faith in me that I am not going to do marriage without her choice. I don’t wanna feel her bad also. But I also can’t live without my love & she also.
How should I convince my parents for the same.?
Anshul, “my mother always trusted me to marry as per her choice” – you probably understand that that’s an impractical and unjust understanding of parenthood, as I’ve said many times in many posts.
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes you happy – neither what makes yoru mother happy, nor what makes your girlfriend happy.
All the best.
Hi,
I am a 24 year girl and is a working women in an MNC after my B.Tech. I am in a relationship for more than 2 years.
He is also of same age and is working in a privatised bank as a Corporate Team Lead and is doing his Part Time MBA.
Problem is with my parents.They don’t like me to get married through a love relation.They are saying that love marriages won’t become success.
Only arranged marriages are successfull.And they don’t like me to get married to a person of other caste,of same age,and who is not having a less income than me.
We both are Christians but of different caste. I am jacobite and he is Catholic.But actually our beliefs are all same.Believing in same God and Holy Bible.Even arranged marriages are happening between these two castes.
I am sure that he will get a better job after his MBA.And his family background is better than mine also.His parents are fully supporting him.They just want to
see him living happily.I have talked with his mother several times and they are even ready for a register marriage.His parents even came to my home to discuss about this.
But my father is strongly against this and he just want me to marry a person of elder age,same caste,and of better job.And he is saying that if i marry a person from other caste and if it is a love marriage,it will badly affect my sister’s future.
He beated me on my face and said some abusive words.He told me that if i marry him he will kill him and go to jail and won’t allow me to live happily.
Due to his abusive words which i never expect from him and due to mental and physical pressure, atlast i said yes to their wish.
I was in a mentaly down stage to accept any thing and every thing whatever my parents say because of the mental shock from the threats that i faced from my pappa mentally and physicaly.
But on the very first proposal when some boy came to see me, i realized that i cannot live with anyone other than my boy even parents are against me.Parents changed my mobile number several times but still we are in contact.
As our job locations are near, we see each other majority days.But my parents is thinking that i have changed my mind and have no contact with him.Now 7 families came to see me.But nothing worked. :) What i feel when i see some boy in matrimonials is that he is my enemy.Parents opens some 3 or 4 boy’s profiles and tells me that these boys are good.And they tell me to read the profiles and to see the photo and will ask “do you like him..?” How can they say that, that boy is good by seeing just one pic and profile..And when somebody came to see me, by just half an hour conversation they tells that “Oh that family is good,mother is good ,father is good,Boy is good…” and so on… i cannot understand the logic behind these thoughts…
Now i am in a strong mind that whatever happens i won’t mary any other boy.But i want to convince my parents to make them happy to accept my relation.Now what can i do? Is there any suggestions?
Rinu,
Thanks a lot for pointing out the utter pointlessness of trying to come to a decision about spending your life with someone on the basis of a few tangible info and a few hours of interaction (at max). That’s how lopsided our thinking is. And no one calls out this elephant in the room. :D
Anyway, coming to the point – I really, really appreciate your strength, your ability to stand by what you believe. I strongly believe parents who are ready to sacrifice their children’s happiness for things like “what would people say” and “caste mismatch”, don’t deserve sympathy.
Let me tell you something – no one will commit crimes or commit suicide or any such thing.
We’ve all heard those anecdotes of parents locking their daughter up in the home for stopping her from contacting her boyfriend, and getting her married off forcibly.
Almost everyday some honour killing (killing of couples for daring to marry against family’s wishes) incident or the other is reported in the newspapers.
Newspaper reports of young couples committing suicide over parental disapproval of their relationships also keep coming at a steady rate.
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-02-23/vadodara/31090180_1_suicide-goods-train-couple
http://www.indianexpress.com/news/runaway-couple-in-suicide-pact/1120788/
http://zeenews.india.com/news/uttar-pradesh/couple-commit-suicide-by-jumping-before-train-in-up_850521.html
Tell me, how many incidences of parents committing suicide over children’s marriages have you heard of?
I can tell you – zero. That’s because they don’t happen. Blackmailing children out of marrying someone they love is the most heinous act of betrayal and oppression a parent can cause a child. I strongly believe such an act nullifies any responsibility a child has towards appeasing their parents. That’s because by committing such an act your parent has made it clear that your happiness matters little to them, and their “honour in the society” matters much more.
As for convincing your parents – I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy. It’s a great thing that your bf’s family is so open-minded. I’m sure that’s a source of strength to you. :)
I hope you’ve known your boyfriend for long enough to take a good decision on marriage. Do check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
i wana do love marriage, bt my parent’s are nt agreeing wid me.
and specially 1 thng i wnt love with arrange marraiage with our both families.
plz hlp me
plzzzzzzzzzzz
As for convincing your parents, I understand it’s a tricky situation. I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
I hope you’ve known your partner for long enough to take a good decision on marriage. Do check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
Hi,i really liked ur tips,but can u give some specific tips for my situation. I’m a doc, in love with an engineer,who’s a gujrati guy.his family has no problems regardin him wanting to marry me but wen i tol my parents about his parent wantin to come over n talk regardin d marriage(had already tol them bout my bf 8 mnths bk,tho they havent met him),they opposed sayin dat he’s from a diff.community,how will u adjust,wat if they later torture u for dowry(his family doesnt want a penny),we dont hv relatives there who can enquire bout their family background,concentrate on ur career(m currently preparin 4 PG Entrance exam)and at the end wen i persisted that i like him,they tol me to wait a yr or 2.m already 26yr n want to get married by nxt yr.only prob is dat he lives very far(tamil nadu)from my hme(assam).so he cnt meet me very often.
Smita, if you’ve read a few of my articles you’d know that I’m a staunch advocate of absolute individual freedom when it comes to marriages.
But in this case your parents do have a point.
1. Upbringing and culture do affect people at levels much, much deeper than what meets the eye. Castes are not a real thing, but culture is. The only way to know if such differences can be concerning in your case is to take more and more time before you come to a decision on marriage. As a thumbrule, if you’ve known each other for less than two to three years, don’t think about marriage now. It takes time to knkow people, esp in a cross-cultural context like yours.
Do go through this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/interracial-marriage/. It will help you prepare mentally for the challenges that may arise due to the cultural differences.
Also check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/. It’s meant to guide you to take the best decision on your marriage at the best time, and after considering all relevant factors.
2. Your parents also have a point wrt the guy’s family. This is India. A guy’s family might do a volte face after marriage. Guy and guys’ family trying to extort dowry after a passionate love marriage is not a phenomenon entirely unheard of in India.
In order to guard against this you need to be independent. It’s great that you’re preparing for PG. But are you also doing a job in a hospital? If not, you need to take it up now. Your parents are right – going and living with your husband’s family without having strong (financial) ground beneath your feet is a risky proposition in today’s India.
I’m not telling you to not marry the love of your life. Of course you’ll marry him if you think it’s right. Tha’s the most natural thing to do. But in case you alienate your parents in the process, it’s all the more important to be financially secure before you take this decision, so that in case something goes wrong you are safe.
ALl the best and keep me posted. :)
Hi.. I m 20 in love with a guy who s is 30 yrs old in my profession. We r of same caste but different cities..We love each other too deeply. His parents knw abt me n have accepted me. However they want us get married straight away which isnt ppssible for me since m too young n my parents r unaware of it. Also i m sure my parents will oppose for our relation.. Also because he s too elder to me.. Never in my family has a love marriage or anyone eloped ever. What to do?? Plzz help.. I m in big crisis
Leah you’re right. You ARE too young. You need to explain this to him calmly and clearly.
You have a life. You have your goals. He’s an important part of your life but not your life itself. It’s very important to understand this as early as possible in any relationship. And it’s great that you understand it at this young age.
As for talking to parents about your marriage (that’s still at least a good 5 years away, if you want to be safe), I have written a lot about the topic. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes you happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your boyfriend happy.
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
hey i love a girl i am frm belgaum i need a help need a solution plz help m ya…i love a girl she frm my same college we bth love each othr alot but the problem is once her bro saw while roaming on bike in her house they r nt allowing fr coll also so i decided to tll my parent the problem is she is 2 years bigger tan m but we bth love each othr alot so plz tll m how shll i convince my parents plz help m ya….
I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. HEre are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your girlfriend happy.
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
hey hie ! as my problem is that my lover is 10 yrs elder then me but my mom dad know him as my good friend and even they know that we like each other but now we want to get engaged . i m so confused how to start the all procedure of telling them . as i am pursuing MBA and my lover live in dubai as he is NRI . i am so scare of parent’s reaction. please tell me what will be easiest way of telling them
Your parents have a point. Your age gap is indeed significant. Make sure you’ve been together for sufficient time before taking a decision on something as important as marriage. Here’s something to help you: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
As for convincing your parents, I have written a lot about this topic. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
Thnks a lot maam.. This is in reference to ptevious post of mine. The problem is he s a well established doctor of.age 30 n i m just a medical student of 20. His parents want him to settle as soon as possible. But my parents on other hand r totally unaware of all this. His parents have given him ultimatum.. Marry me indtantly or break up with me. I dont want to marry so early in life. How do i ask him to convince his parents to wait for some more years?
Well the only thing explanation he needs from you is that you don’t think you’re ready for marriage right now. It’s a perfectly valid life choice. (In fact I’d advise any Indian girl against marrying at 20.
It so happens that the girl he fell in love with is 10 years his junior. That’s all the more reason not to rush things, because you already have the age factor which is a potential point of incompatibility. So you have to be doubly sure before you take a final decision (namely, that of marriage) on this relationship.
Indians are closely-knit family-oriented people. It’s perfectly understandable to take advice from one’s parents before taking a huge decision like marriage. However I hope your bf is not being completely controlled by his parents so far as his marriage decision is concerned. He’s a 30 year old doctor for God’s sake!
Pls help..I am in a big problem..
I will be an army officer as a lieutenent in indian army in a year..and I love a girl very much..and we hav been in relationship for 3 years..and we can’t. Live without each other..
.but d problem is that my parents and her parents both are against love marriages..and age doent create a problem as we both are born on the same day same year..the only problem is that her fathers sister has also gone for love marriage and he doesn’t talk with his sister till now..and he will not allow us to marry..and my gf also can’t go against her father..pls help..
I understand it’s a tricky situation. I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
Hiii my name is sibbu nd my age 23.. my partner 2 year smaller than me.. nd my prblm is that my mother not liking my partner… pls solve my prblm.. nd me nd my partner belonging near about not only same Nagar+mohalla
Hey i in relationship with a guy who is of different caste when r relation was of 6 months my parents got to know about him through my phone bills n my dad warned him n his parents n told that if he tried to talk to me he ll do police complaint against him n my dad has a good contacts with police bt still dat guy loves me n was not afraid of luving me n now we are in a relationship for 4 years and planning to tell about us at home. Plzz tell me how should i convince my dad as he doest not like him
Smiley, I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy. You need to make a choice and stand by it.
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
hi …
m in a relationship vid a guy fr 2 years m studying…in final year, a medico…..n he is a banker…v both belong to different castes …gud thing z my bf has convinced his family and dey have no problem …even i have met his family ..dey all know me well…but my parents are against love and inter caste marriages ….i hv talked to my mom several times but all in vain …my father is stubborn types plus the fear of society n ol….moreover i hv an elder sister yet to get married…she doesnt supports me at all…fr her pyar vyar bs 4 din ki chandni he …i tried to convince her too bt she also doesnt understand my situation … nw i am in huge trouble my bf family says..a year has passed n hvnt convinced my parents …dey hv bcum impatient.. …dey r trying to convince my bf to marry some odr girl n dont ruin my as well as his life….bt v both hv planned our lives n cant afford to live without each oder…please help me out…
You’re halfway there Shaly. You’ve got your bf’s family going for you. That’s an advantage. :)
But also, about your bf’s parents – well, you need to talk to him about this. You have been together for 2 long years. You’re both financially stable. What more do his parents need for a great match? Why is he not able to make them see that it’s you – his girlfriend – who he wants to get married to, and marriage won’t make any sense to him if it is with some random person, hence getting married soon, “to whoever”, like they suggest, is a ludicrous idea?
As for convincing your parents, I have written a lot about this topic. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
It’s unfortunate that in spite of being young your sister is still stuck in the 18th century in terms of her thinking. I know “new generation” conservatives exist in India today, and I really don’t understand them. Anyway, treat her as carefully as you’ll treat your parents.
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
Hi,
I need your help in convincing my girl’s Mother.
I came to know about this(Pavvi) girl(same cast) through matrimonial site in Oct-12, and I contacted her & said I’m interested in you. After somedays her parents asked me to visit them.
In Feb-13, I visited their native and I told them that I’m interested in your daughter and you can talk to my parents. Mean while this girl was constantly in touch with me over the Phone and we both shared our thoughts on our likes/dislikes, interests, hobbies, etc… And later one day she proposed me and said she is willing to marry me..!! That time I was on top of the heaven, the most happiest person in the world..!! Some more days were gone talking each other over the phone..
My girl has one elder sister(is a widow) she stays with her Mother only.
After 1 month I asked my girl again about her Mother’s opinion and I came to know that
our Kundli did not match and her Mother don’t want to proceed further. Now both her Mother and her elder sister are against this proposal.
Then one day I met her personaly and asked her opinion, she said she still loves me and willing to marry me only if her Mum agrees.
So to convince her Mother I went to her native but i could’t meet them. Few days later I called her Mother on phone and explained everything about our Love relationship
and asked them to support us. But that went in vain. Then I met her girl’s aunt and told everything. Her aunt is really good at heart, she welcomed me and said, she’ll try her best to convince her Sister in this regard. I don’t know what to do next?
I’m planning to meet her mother once again during this weekend and will try to convince her…
——————–****——————-
One thing I would like to tell you, after she proposed me, oneday we both went to her home-GOD temple. Their we both prayed infront off the Idol sitting together. Its a custom that after praying if a Flower from right side of the idol falls down then God is Okay with our WISH. You believe it or not, that day, flower from right side of the idol fell down. And she was very much happy and that day she promised me that she will marry me only, and said she won’t leave my hand in any situation whatsoever it may be.
——————–****——————-
Please suggest me how can i convince her Mother in best possible way.
Millions of thanks,
Ramesh
Hi Mam.. Im a south indian boy and i met a north indian girl during my mba summer internship..after 3,4 months we were in love.. we got along well.. but as we know our parents are rigid and we are from diff castes we broke up… but we were in regular touch for three years… recently her parents are looking for matches… we both like each other and we think that we can be happy together than with someone else… she likes me but confused about cultural diff etc… can you please suggest us how we should approach our parents… we just dont want to blow our chances by doing something hasty… i have read your previous post ” how to convince…” but for meeting her parents other points doesnt look viable in our case… thanks
Hi mam,
Mam i was in reltn for mre than 4 yrs….we love each other alot…bt whn i told my dad abt my relatn he made us apart…he s nt ready due to status,area of his livng wth his family & his study..as he s graduate..also by knwng abt me my dad health s gtng affectd i m able to convince mre also due to it.i m vry much cnfusd tht wt to do as my dad & my love bth r equally important for me!!!!!
I love a girl who is younger than me by 14 years, and on this reason her parents are not accepting our relationship. we have this relationship since last 2 years. we met once when I was in India, we love each other more than anything, we are very much happy if we are in together. my girl friend parents has no knowledge for all this, certainly they came to know about our relationship. Now her parents did not allow her to go out even they put Visual camera all places at her home. she is now in a big problem, I don’t know how I will rescue her. she tried lot to convince her parents but they are very strict on it. she is crying a lot and her parents not behave well with her. she wanted to marry me and me too with her. we are planing to run away but her passport is not ready. if some one has good advise for me please send me email….thanking you
Hi. I have a huge problem. I have been dating someone for a year and we are both different in terms of religions. He found out that his parents are against him dating me because I am not Hindu and he tried to convince them. To no avail, his parents told him to either leave the house or abide by their rules. He’s 26 years old ! I persisted that he should stand his ground, but he keeps saying that his parents old fashioned and that hes the only son. Does he truly mean it or it sounds fishy?
Hi. My mum is not agreeing to my marriage with a guy I like because a pundit had said that any guy that I would meet around 22 would not work out / last. What can I do? We like each other very much but I believe in these superstitious things as well – kundli etc. I look forward to our reply.
Hi,
Actually i have a problem with my girlfriends parents she and i are of different casts and her parents have a serious dislike for love marriage her mother got to know about our relation and she strictly told her not to talk to me as she thinks of me to be of another cast she even said to her that her father will shoot me and her if he gets to know about the relation v are in a relation from 4 years so please tell me how to convince her parents to accept me
Hi,
I am Aravind from Bangalore. Basically i am in relationship from last 3 years and she is also from bangalore. But she is different caste and we ourselves having good understanding. But i am struggling from last one year to put this up with my parents. Everyday i am leading my life by things about how to start up my proposal and convence my parents. My partner 2 years elder than me and my family knows about her as my friend and her current situation. There are other some issues where i cannot openly discuss in this comment box. If you dont mind share me your personal mail ID. Meanwhile Kindly suggest how to take this forward. I want peace of mind by settling my life with my love….;(
Thanks & Ragards,
Aravinda
Hi
Iam siddharth
My case is that my family has met a girl, i saw her at her home. Earlier both the families were interested but now because of my moms few speaches the girls mom is a bit annoyed
Both the familes are not ready to call each other for further progress
We both are interested, but we want our families to involve in our marriage
Kindly help as in how to change my moms state of mind to make her ready to talk with my future mother in law
Do reply at bhambhani2011@gmail.com
Regards
Siddharth
Hello Loveinindia,
I am not sure if this is the right space for me to post this, i hope not to interrupt anybody’s conversation, but i found only this place where i can write.
I can see you are very helpful and giving suggestion to everybody who is in trouble. I am requesting you to please provide me a solution for my life. I will really be great full to you.
I am a Brahmin girl and my boyfriend is a Muslim guy. But he is the best person in world. He loves me to the core and cannot do any thing without me. He needs me all the time. He will be lost without me.
You might have guessed our problem, as usual caste problem, indeed religion problem. I cannot leave my BF alone because he will loose his life without me. I want to always be with him and be his strength. But my parents are totally not agreeing for our marriage, they dont even want to talk about him. I am not able to convince them at all.
On the other hand my mom loves me more then anybody, and she cannot live without me. She is so scared and worried about me from the time i told about my bf to my parents.
I am in a situation where i cannot leave my parents as well as my bf. I feel to end my life to stop this problem, but again i dont want to hurt them by doing this, I am so stuck, i am 28 years old now and my guy is 29 and its very important for me to get married at this age and start our career as a family with my BF. But i am unable to decide on anything.
I found your comments and suggestion very caring and hence writing this to you. Please feel me as your sister and suggest. My eyes are filled with tears while i write this. If you can provide me your contact # or anything as such if in case you feel like talking to me then i will be very great full. Please help me.
i want to make few points clear: Me and my bf both are working in a MNC and are independent. My BF’s parents are OK with this and they will accept me. My family is very orthodox and also my relatives are all behind my marriage and cannot accept me getting married to a Muslim guy. My guy is so sweet that he is also ready to get converted to Brahmin , he is asking for one chance and nobody is ready to give it to him.
We need some help.. please help us….
When my girlfriend talked about us at her home, her father totally stopped her communication with world. Also they do not let her to come to work. Her father called me and said its all over now, don’t call again, laws are very strict today so beware. He said find someone else in your caste. What to do now ? How can I forget her ? And why should I play with someone else’s life just because he said No. Was I doing timepass with her till now ? What to do now ?? Please help.
Well you should’ve told him,”I really wish what you’re saying were true. If laws worked in this country, I would immediately report you to the police for 1. False imprisonment of your adult daughter 2. Intimidating me like you’re doing now.” But as we know, sadly the police in this country are known to often take actions on the basis of personal discretion, going by media reports and anecdotal evidence. We both know if you report this guy to the police they’ll most likely give you a good talking to and advise you to “stay away” from the girl, even though as per the law it’s the father who’s the culprit here.
I am 20 and my guy s 21.I have accepted in front of my strict parents that I love him.though my parents are not happy with my decision,they are not agreeing with full heart and they are angry and putting all possible clauses so that I leave him.his parents have agreed.both are of the same cast.and m still dependent on my parents so is he.how best can I try to convince my parents into this relationship?the whole point is that they personally don’t like my boyfriend.how do I convince them?please reply as soon as possible and give me a solution.m in very big dilemma
Hello. I love a girl who is from UP and I am a south indian guy living in MP. We have meet each other on social networking site and past 3 months we had a good time together. We talk on phones and chat on messenger. But 2 days back we were chatting and she suddenly said don’t see our future together. It will hurt you. My parents will not allow inter caste marriage. I don’t have guts to tell that I love a guy. They will kill me if they came to know about it. So its good to break up now then later. Basically I told her first that I love her but from beginning she told me that I can’t marry you. I just ignore it. Randomly she is used to say but I told her that I will marry you during chat.
Now she is not talking to me. I messaged her to talk on messenger she came and I ask is your decision changed. She said no its my final decision. Currently she is having job and I am searching for job. I told her once I get job and get settled I will talk to your parents but she is saying you can’t understand my problem. It’s better to move on from here.
My parents don’t have any problem for love marriages and they said to me if you are loving anyone do tell us at the time of marriage.
So please help me out of this dilemma. Thank you.
Hello maam.. M a jain n my love is a muslim. V both r 25 yrs old n working in respective fields. I told my parents about him an yr ago only because they wre forcin me to look fr suitable men. Bt since an yr, v hv nt got any conclusion. I hv tlkd to my parents calmly, aggresively.. Said il nt marry one bt him.. Also made him meet my parents. Bt d meetin ws disasterous. Instead of listenin to us..my mon kept tryin to change his mind. Evn aftr an yr.. My parents r lookin fr men fr me.. Completly ignorin d fact dt m in love wid him n wont marry anyone else. Their concern is solely religion.looks, finance, family.. Al kpt aside.. Religion is d only issue. My bf’s parents r supportive n his mother hs told me to tke time n convince them. Bt how do i tackle d religion issue??? Pl shed some light. V r ready to settle down.. V r Saving money, looking fr homes.. Etc. V r in great stress n tension.. Wl b great if u cb undrstnd my problem n help me out. Thanks.
hey .
.i love your artical .
my age is 17 now & i have girlfriend and i want to marry with her in future . but we have one very big problem about our cast . our cast is different and in our familys marriages only want same cast boy / girl .
now i don’t understand how to convince to my and her parents can you help me ??
hey sulangna…
dis z shaly…..
thanku so much fr ur valueable article on intercaste marriages….got a lot of confidence frm ds n jst wanna thank u …
i hv convinced my parents fr our marriag….i stopped talking to dm ….left home ,started living in hostel …den one day my dad calld me up n said ok i want ur happiness plz cum back ….v ll talk to dm …n dey hv agreed to meet his parents shortly…..
in dat stressd n depressing days only ur article was ray of hope boosting my confidence…
thanx again…
I love a guy who is different from my caste. I have told my parents about my love and said I will marry to that guy . And I explained how my life will be. They didn’t accept and I tried to convince them in such way that even though I have problem to give birth to child ,he is ready to marry me. But they didn’t accept. They are saying like caste is different ,Marriage is the prestigious issue. We cant decide our future. How ever it is u should not get marry to that guy. I am trying in all the way but they are not accepting. Plesea help me to marry my boy friend with my parents approval. They are un educated also.
LEAVE ALL THE RUBBISH THING IN SIDE,,, BE PRACTICE,,, MARRIED UR PARTNER ,,,, AFTER THAT GIVE SOME TIME TO YOUR FAMILY TO MAKE THERE MIND TO ACCEPT HIS PARTNER ,,, THEN DISCUSS WITH UR FAMILY ,,,IN FRONT OF HIS PARTNER ,,,,,, THATS BEST,,,, WAY TO DEAL WITH,,,, MAKE SURE WHAT YOU GONE TO DO IS RIGHT FOR YOU IN EVERY WAY,,
I love a guy who is different from my caste. My Better-half family is not that much high in financial part. He is going job. But his earnings fully spend by his family and debt. Till now he didn’t save any cost for his future and partial of debt only settled. My family is think about and searching my life partner as “same caste boy, Good boy, being honest, going for job with good package, RICH family (mainly without debt)”. My Better-half having “Good boy, being honest, going for job with good package” these characteristics except same caste and without debt. We both plan to settle his debt and plan to marry after one year. But the problem is “my parents searching a boy for my marriage and they decide to marry within this year”. Till now we didn’t told about our love in family. Please give me solution… :-(
hi,
I m.jain, I want to marry with bharham man,but hmare parents gav me rhte h,or vo ye kabhi accept nhi karenge,mene apne parents ko kuch btaya nhi h abhi tak,isliye to mere liye ladka dhund rhe h,or kafi ldke dekhne ke bad mera finaly jvab chahte h,muje samj ni arha me kya karu,or mene love k bare me bta diya ,vo nhi mane to
LEAVE ALL THE RUBBISH THING IN SIDE,,, BE PRACTICE,,, MARRIED UR PARTNER ,,,, AFTER THAT GIVE SOME TIME TO YOUR FAMILY TO MAKE THERE MIND TO ACCEPT HIS PARTNER ,,, THEN DISCUSS WITH UR FAMILY ,,,IN FRONT OF HIS PARTNER ,,,,,, THATS BEST,,,, WAY TO DEAL WITH,,,, MAKE SURE WHAT YOU GONE TO DO IS RIGHT FOR YOU IN EVERY WAY,,
I love a guy whose present age is 33.we are in relationship from 7years.I m 23 year old.his background is very low compare to my family.In these 7 years I tried a lot to convince my parents.all I wasted my time in convincing them.my parent depends on society thinking.they want a reach guy or a guy whose family is reach.his income is 10000. His father is simply a peon and my father is assistant executive engg.my lover studied till MCA.but I studied civil engineer.no matching in our profession also.tell me how to convince my parents
Hi LoveInIndia,
I’m glad I came across this article. It feels good to know that someone out there thinks alike and it would be nice if we could continue to share via email.
Thank you.
hi i m hindu.my boyfriend is muslim.both parents are not conviening so now v r talking.still but v loving each other,wt to do?i want ur help plz help me by some giving ideas. my preethi_jan14@yahoo.com.plz reply me soon. i m waiting for ur response.
LEAVE ALL THE RUBBISH THING IN SIDE,,, BE PRACTICE,,, MARRIED UR PARTNER ,,,, AFTER THAT GIVE SOME TIME TO YOUR FAMILY TO MAKE THERE MIND TO ACCEPT HIS PARTNER ,,, THEN DISCUSS WITH UR FAMILY ,,,IN FRONT OF HIS PARTNER ,,,,,, THATS BEST,,,, WAY TO DEAL WITH,,,, MAKE SURE WHAT YOU GONE TO DO IS RIGHT FOR YOU IN EVERY WAY,,
hope my boyfriend did the same thing, hope he fight for me but he did not, he easily let me go, just like that- i know his parents are against with our relationship actually everyone from his family because they are conservative muslim, though im willing to convert my religion they cant really accept me bacause im a filipina, christian, and one yr older than him… i dont know why their heart are not open to people who has a pure love, im sure to myself that i will hug their culture tightly and love them as my owned family, but they did not give me chance at all…they judge me already- my family doesnt want him also because i needto forget thats only the reason they dont like him for me, but i know they will undesrtand if i explained to them that i really love this guy and i cant imagine myself being in somebody else’s arms, but why his parents cant accept me – why he cant even fight for me, now im questioning myself did he really do love me before or he just take me as a meantime gf – i dont know what to do i want to get mad on him but half of my heart says i dhould understand his situation and just let go, its really hard especially when i considered and loved him like a best friend and a boy friend – now i need to carry all the sadness alone it feels like half of me died, after i received his message that hes engagement in india is fixed, in few months he will come back taken already , if only i can leave my work..i will. atleast it will be easy for me to move on cause i will not have any news abput him at all, but i cant i have family way back home who needs my support, thats why i have to be strong to work with him professionally , hold back my tears hearing the news about him, while other people feel pity on me cause i was left behind, but its okay, i will be okay … and i need to be okay, i dont have any other option but to pray and ask God to guide me and find happiness within me, i love him that much, sooo much but why he easily let me go without a fight why O Lord Why i have to love person who will never be mine, please give me sime advice what to do – i want to remove the pain in my heart so he will be happy with his future family, i dont want him to suffer because im crying bcoz of him, but i want to be healed ipbut i dont know i really dont know where to start -please help
I want your personal id so that i can contact u personally discussing whole story.plsss
i have a fiance but my father not that i talk with but i want to talk with him what can i do?
i have a gf. nd we love each other .. but her parents fix an other marrige for she.. .. she is ma same cast but she is 6 months elder than me…
how to CONVINCE her parents
??? plz reply me …
Hey thr ! Hope you are doing good .I love this beautiful angel .her parents are comfortable and accepted me .But on my side -Im bit worried to tell abt this to my parents .Only issue is she is 12th now and i completed my college and working in a MNC. My parents started looking for a girl from my caste .But i need to wait for my girl friend for next 3 more yrs!
Please advice hw to take this forward
I have a problem. I have tried all of the mentioned points in your article already. Unfortunately, my father is very unhappy with the boy I love and want to marry because he insists that:
A) love aka infatuation doesn’t last. 10 yrs down the line, what will matter is if the boy is strong enough to support wife when the chips are down, both financially and emotionally
B) since he’s from a different community, my dad’s worried I may not be accepted into their community, and will face issues with language, customs and norms etc., causing me unhappiness
C) we will struggle when we have kids as he doesn’t believe my boyfriends career is going anywhere, though I know different
He’s unconvinced about all these factors regarding my boyfriend. I, however, know better, and am sure we will be alright even if we do face issues that everyone does. Please advise how I can approach him. He’s extremely difficult to convince.
im also feeling the same way but my bfs family is the one who cant accept me
Hi,
My family is in very good position n respectable in society. My parents are very known persons in the society and has a very good fame….. The problem is my girlfriend’s family is not recognized in society and her parents are also unknown person in the society and they are not famous also. Even though our caste is same my parents are not agreeing for my marriage…..what to do?
My father is not agreeing to make my girlfriend as daughter in law….
i am a filipina inlove with an indian guy , i love him so much to the point that i am willing to convrt to be a muslim just to be part of his life… i want to love him forever i want to be with him forever to take care of him to build a family with him… but sad to say his parents is against in our relationship , and i dont know if he even tried to fight for us, i really dont have any idea he just message me one day saying “my engagement is now fixed in india” i dont know what to do that time, im shaking i cried outloud , imagining the person i love with somebody else’s heart is already killing me…until now my heart is crying… i have to ignore him in work i have to act as if hes not there, anyway i think he is okay with it…he can now sleep without talking to me he just let me go easily… he seems okay with what happen. now i dont know how to heal my heart… i iust love him deeply , faithfully but why things did not work out at all, its feels like i am just a meantime girl friend – now everythings gone i have to pick up all the pieces of me, i keep on praying to God now to strengthen me, i feel so weak… i feel so sad… hopefully now that i let go, him and his family will be happy…i just love him and im willing to love his family as my owned. but they diesnt like other nationality to their family esp. filipina and they dont like love marriage, i already know this even before but because of the care and the thougt love that i felt from him is real i take a risk, i learn to love him fully more than my self, but now its all gone, eveythings end just like this…. the wounded me-
nice one! i have read other article too.. but this one is very sweet.
But my problem is totally different. My GF told everything to her parents very matured, politly and intelligent way. But after that the problem begun.
Parents behaving so strictly with her. Not allowing to use phones. No outing even at the place near by.
There is no such issue like this.. my parents always ready for this.
The problem is that her parents settle her engagement with someone else and not going to compromise with their decision.
And this thing is pride for him, its the question of their respect in society and all bullshit(sorry to say.. i dont want to use any bad word for them, because they are elder and have done so many thing for their child). Even we don’t want talk about this and not want to talk to me too.
We are not talking and chatting with each other from last a week even we dont have any contact point or resources except Phone.
I am from Mumbai and she is from Delhi. I m going mad day by day without talking to her and i know her life would worse than me. She love me like crazy. I am worrying abt her and very hard to connect with her for me.
hii,
from last 7 yrs. i love we r in relationship and before 6 months we get court marriage. but now my mom and dad know that I’m in relationship with one boy and he’s cast is small from my. but i don’t want to heart my parents….and they don’t know about my court marriage. they clearly said me fogort him otherwise u go and kill urself.i don’t have capacity to ligation this all things. what shall i do?????
I have a big problem can anyone suggest me how to make my relation sucessfull my girl is of diffrnt caste she is sikh nd i am hindu plzz help me i love my girl a lott somebody help me
I want to marry her plzz help she is unable to convince her parents she is very cowred of her parents tht how do they react plzzz hel me frndz suggst me wht should i say to my girl tht her parent will convince to marry with me
hi
I am n lve with a guy for last 6 yrs,but i knw him from my childhood..he s hindu bt am muslim.still am n lve with him .my parents strongly opposed our lve marge,even i cmt suicide to prove my lve bt they dnt agree…pls help me how to convince my parents….
I have a problem of religion. I am Christian and my girlfriend is Hindu. In both of our families this is a problem, both of our parents are against for our marriage. Kindly give a solution for both of us.
hi
i am in a relationship with my girlfriend since 4 years . But our problem is my mama(uncle) had marrried to my girlfriends sister which makes me and my girlfriends as cousins.we tried a lot to separate but i love her madly i cant imagine my life wthout her.she is the one which undrstands me so well.i dont know what to do and now i get a job.plz tell me can cousins marriage is possible.can i marry my girlfriend
Hi, Mera Naam Dhananjay Hai. Mai Ek Ladkise Pyaar Karta Hoo, Wo Ladki Bhi Muzhse Bahoat Pyaar Karti Hai. Mere Gharke Loag Humari Shadi Ke Liye Tayyar Hai. Par Ladki Ke Gharwale Tayyar Nahi Hai. Kyonki Mai Maharashtra Se Hoo Our Wo Ladki U. P. Se Hai. Waha Jaatipati Ko Kuch Zyadahi Mana Jara Hai. Agar Humari Shadi Ho Jati Hai To Uske Pariwar Ko Ganvse, Samajse Bahar Kar Diya Jayega. Our Badnami Ke Chalte Wo Loag Nahi Chahate Ke Ye Shadi Ho.
Hum Dono Ko Last Time Mile Huye Ab 1 Saalse Jyada Ka Samay Ho Chuka Hai. Ab Wo Kaheti Hai Ke, Aap Apne Gharwaloke Ke Hisabse Shadi Kar Lijiye, Mai Aapke Saath Shadi Nahi Kar Sakti. Mere Liye Aap Apni Zindagi Kharab Mat Kariye. Par Mai Uske Bagair Kisi Our Ladki Se Shadi Nahi Karna Chahata, Mai Ye Baat Soachhi Hi Nahi Sakta. Aap Se Mai Request Karta Hoo Ke, Aap Humari Shadi Ke Liye Kuch Madat Kariye. Uske Gharwalo Ko Kaise Samzhaya Jaye Ye Meri Samazh Me Nahi Aata. Please Help Us…
– Dhananjay.
Hi
My name is simran n I m in love with a guy who is 6 years older than me we are having 2 years of relationship n we both love each other n I have told my parents about this but they didn’t agree as they are saying to forget about him they want me to study and they will not allow me to marry him as we are from different cast and we are neighbours so it’s not possible for them to ruin their name in this society and all but that guy is ready to accept me only when my parents get agreed because otherwise he will be also not in a condition to run away from this cruel mentality and can’t manage to live with me in front of my parents without their permission even though with his good job and financial conditions plz somebody help me what should I do we both love each other very much bt not finding any solutions.
Hi.. I find this place vl b helpful for me to share my problem. .. Im in love wid my guy since 3 yrs.. he is so good, v both r classmates in graduation. .. v love each other very truely..v both belong 2 same caste… nw d pblm is he.’s 6 months younger to me.. my family is financially stable and my parents r searching for a suitable guy for me to get married. . I didn’t even yet initiated my marriage proposal .. bcz der is a sad thing happened 2 my family 4months back as I lost my sister who is elder to me..my parents r in a very sad situation .. where dey want me to get marry inorder 2 fill deir happiness. .. my guy had a job and d thing is he requires sum mre tym to be get well settled and evn his family depends sum wat on his income.. how can I convince my parents without hurting dem as r actually living gods for me. . Dey love me in d same way.. plz do any one help me wat to do if dey dont agree. . I don’t wanna hurt anyone .. deir my preference is d bridegroom must belong 2 govt sector. . But my guy works for a private 1…. plz do helpme out..there’s no much pblm in my guys house for our marriage. . Plz suggest me ..I prefer ur suggestions as valuable for my life…
My boyfriend’s family is against our relationship olny because I am 3 months older to him and his mom thinks that I’ll be dominating his son. Bt in reality he dominates me and I love that. He is more matured n manly whereas am a bit girly and kiddish.
His mom loves him alot. We both are doctors. What should I do to impress his parents? Please do help. I am in great need of it
hey hai…am 21yrs old n am a medico…i hav a bf..whos 10months younger to me…n he loves me sooo much…hes an engineerng student.v r 4m diffrnt castes….v r in relationship since 2yrs…our lives abot 2 settle very soon..d problm is..my dad’s a doc 2…n he wants a doctr as his son-in-law…none at hom knws our relationship…am 95%sure dat my parents wont agree on marryng him…n my dad really doesnt mind any kind of castes…its js dat he want a doctr….n really love my dad too
am relly fed up on d thot dat my dad willnt agree…n am troubling my bf tooo…am asking my bf 2 leav me n have a good lyf…but i stil love him a lott… wat 2doo…shal i end my relationship??i tried..but i cant… :'”(
article is nice. I love a girl we both love each other. We got in relationship. Just a month after relationship, problem came. We are 21 studying in final year. She lost her dad before 1 year. So as she is 21 her mom got worried about her marriage nd started finding boys for her. After a month of our relationship, 1 proposal came for marriage nd her mom liked it. The same time here I m on the way of getting my year drop due to bad results. She asked me that what to do now? I can get my marriage fixed at any time. How should I tell my mom that I want to marry u? She will ask me what he is doing nd if she came to know that u r getting dc then she will never accept it. She said that society wants stable status to marry. Love is not enough. Its ok I accept this bt m just in my final year at least a chance should be given to me till I get graduated. And I will have good opportunities till then. Then she said my mom will not wait till then anything can happen and I cannot speak coz ur getting dc. So she decided to live like best friends again and move on. But this is hurting me alot. I m ready to do everything for that. Nothing happens by getting dc. Just tell me plz what to do now and is there no value for love in society? No trust? Only property?
Hi, I liked ur article it wil b a great help if u can suggest me..
I’m in love with my boyfriend deeply
Me n my boyfriend are in relationship since 2 years n my boyfriends parents are too rigid because m 8 months elder n our horoscope dosent match dis is d main problem dey are not listening to him wot should we do we tried many ways, we want to get married anyhow my parents are tensed because m getting older so we r in mess from both the families.
Please suggest !
Hey, i have a much worse problem… i live far away from my family nd lov ….. mA parents got to know about this relationship am havin,, they hate love marraige,,, parents in my society , they feel dissapointed if someones son or daughter is in love because they think their social status goes down,,, and they become emotionally down too,, wateva girl or boy they come across if they are someones girl or guy they hate them to the core,,, how can i convince them? the major problem is im still young and not stable,,, shud i wait? or should i be there for my parents??
Hi all, i am vinay and i am in love with a girl who was my classmate but of diffrent caste. Even the girl loves me lot. We are in relation since 4 years. but the problem is as usual caste/society/culture etc.. My family doesnt have any problem with the girl and my mom like her alot. The girls family knows me very well as her friend since many years. last year i approached her parents and expressed my love about her but the answer is BIG NO from them. Even the girl tried alot convincing there parents and brothers but no one is supporting her and started seeing matches for her. We both are in good position and we can live happily. We both are very compatible to each other. everything we tried to explain but her parents are much worried about society and culture. we want to get married with everyones bleessings. How to deal with this kind of situation and my girl is loosing her confidence day by day. i fear that i may loose her and i dont want this to happen. Please help me out. Even my mom spoke to her mom in phone but she said NO. Now what to do i am really confused. please help me..
Hi.. I m a medical student of 22 years old in love with a 32 year old guy. He is also a doctor in my hospital. We love each other and r in a relationship since apst 2 years. We belong to different cities and caste. The problem is we want to get married now since his parents want us to settle down soon. My mothers knows him as my friend. I havent told about my relationship at my house. I m sure they will not agree to it because of the age. . I love him too much. Also my parents dont want me to get married for next 3 years at least.. But i cant live without my guy. I m sure i ll ever find another one lik him.. I want to stay with him no matter what. This is like a race against time for me. One side his parwnts want to hurry up.. Other side my parents r clueless about us. i m very depressed. I dont knw wht to do. Please help
Ummm…..I can’t tell u how peaceful I feel after reading all these posts…..there r many others in tough situations like mine….
Well….though my condition is comparatively better!
My bf nd I know each other since 6 yrs.
He proposed me 4 yrs ago….our family convincing drama began last yr.in march……luckily my parents succumbed nd so did his parents….bt still d last obstacle remains!!
By d way….we r doctors…..he being my senior…problem is…his elder Bro. ..iitian resigned nd began preparation for civil services xams…so he doesn’t want to marry for like 2-3 more yrs.
We r already living in….since a yr.now…..we had hoped to get married by dec.
Bt becoz of bhaiya’s decision….we can’t till 2018….dats impossible for us….
My parents r forcing me to shift to another city if I don’t get married dis dec.they think physical proximity is risky widout marriage. …bt his dad is so rigid. ….he is not listening to anything. …even an engagement now is sumthing we r fighting for. …
I’m forcing him for a court marriage. ..bt he is worried for his dad….he is a heart nd kidney patient. ..he can die becoz of shock…..
I don’t know….what to do…..my parents want me to leave d city by oct.end….vn my internship of a yr.ends…..nd we both r so much in love….so used to each other….can’t live apart for even few days….
So one set of parents will b hurt soon…..if I get married his family is hurt….if I don’t get married nd still continue in dis city….my parents r offended. …
And if dey find out our living in condition. …Both will freak out….
So we need solutions sooon……all sorts of ideas r invited. …plz help anyone. …
hi,
i m in love wid a guy who is 4 yr elder thn me.. his family belongs a good status…but i dont know y my parents are nt accepted him as my life partner…his family know me very well, nd his family hvnt any prblm wid me.. his family fully supported our relationship,, bt my parents against me. they did nt lyk him..my mother said tht he is not our status,,..bt his family belonging a high status,,i try to convience my parents..bt m faliure. at frst i met them wid my bf as a frnd..bt my mother have a big expectation..they lyk him as a frnd nt my lyfpartner..he is doing mba in dubai…my mother rebuked me coz i love him..nd she told me tht if i dnt brkup wid him she ll never see my face nd she also told me if i marry him they ll forget me ,they ll think tht they hvnt any child,they ll never speak to me forever…plzz..help me wht can i do,,plz,z, :(
Hi,
I am a 25 year old Hyderabad(south Indian)girl,who happened to love a guy since 1.5 years,that was born in Indore.he is a gupta .But both of us now live and work in America in different cities,with families.I feel pity on me to be typing this today..because although our food habits,life’s,quality of life,and way of living everything changed..being in this country not our parents mindset to a love marriage has changed !
my parents and I have been here for 4 years but him and his family has been here for 20 years..
coming from 2 different cultures and I have always been telling my parents that i would never go for a love marriage and all that.
since i came here my life,my choices,my food everything changed..and we both match very well in terms of family wise..but his family is a bit low on properties and everything..which my dad thinks is stupid being in this country longer than us..
anyway my dad never accepted my love and he said he would disown the whole family and go to india to live with his parents or join an old age home and divorce my mum,if i still want to go ahead.so i totally went aggressive and told him..go ahead and do it..and let me go my way and search for my life..because you are going leave me and the family anyway..and how would you expect me to marry a guy of your choice when you are wanting a divorce.?
he had no answer and changed his argument or bluff to a different one after fighting for months..i approached my mums brother to support me and meet him and help me take this further.
he spoke to him and met him and we arranged for my mums brother and his wife to meet my bf’s parents..meanwhile he told all about it to my parents and my parents and him have secretly spoken on phones .finally when they went and met their parents he asked all about their properties,jobs,earnings..and humiliated my bf that he could earn even more in front of his parents…and told their parents that if those goes any further my sister will be divorced and that family will be parted…during this process i had to lie to my parents that i met his mother when she came to my city infact i met her when i went to his city i had to say that..so my parents dnt become any stricter and so i can still my bf as i doo..but his mum has been asked by my mums brothers wife in a rude way..and their parents are not happy anymore…
2 months from then, my bf found me a job in the same city as he lives..and i moved and before i was moving my dad told me that he changed his mind and he would accept my marriage,and that we wnt have any relations together after that..but i need to prove him that we are compatible enough..which i been proving in all my arguments since beginning.both me and bf were happy that we were getting somewhere..although the other side which is his parents are now negative after being treated soo bad by mine and me lieing about his mum already.
but since 2 weeks..his parents became soo negative and aggressive..they just gave him in an ultimatum to leave the house if he still wants to continue and that they cant trust him anymore..since he is seeing me everyday..even though his parents have been insulted and have not been apologized or that they have not heard from my parents ever since this all started…
their parents just instilling all these and that i cant be a right wife if i lied already and that my parents arent happy soo this wont go any further anymore..soo give up..we supported you untill now..why dnt u listen to us now…
as a result my bf is not talking to me..as he is feeling the pressure from all sides and that he needs some actions from my parents to stop his…and i m stuck here..i feel like killing myself..no ones with me anymore and i m alone in this all of a sudden..
i m in a stage that my bf thinks its good to end this…coz he wants my family and his family to be with us…for our support in future and that i need my family and due to us fighting for our love..we are hurting our families badly…and cant see this be helpful in future and that this will get worst…but to me giving up = killing myself,he has been like that too..but now he is gone very negative due to his family actions at home and due to his parents being helpful at some point..When in past i was like him…he gave me strength and owned the situation and did everything it takes for his family to meet mine.
help me …
Hi
Myself vikas ,i really loved a girl from last 4 years.My GF’s father not accepting me due to my cast.I am from backward cast and they are from general cast.We can not live without each other.So i will request to all viewer please please make a pray for our marriage because GF’s parent are looking for a boy to marry their girl (my GF),we really need your pray.Only your pray can save us.God will give you blessing and hapiness
so, everything is fine, caste, education, job, family… the problem is that i am an epileptic. It is not much of a concern, if u research about it. Epileptics do end up having stable relationships and successful marriages, but they are too scared to accept this fact and accept me as a life partner for their daughter. Different case. Any suggestions?
What does the daughter say? Is this a love marriage?
Hi Friends
I follow all above mentioned rules already for conveying my parents. The guy whom I love is a v. good boy & good human. Even my family is already impressed with him & my elder step brother already speak to my dad about his & my marriage infect he know that he is SC. He don’t know that I love him.
But the sad thing is that when I said the same thing to that brother at my side that I want marry with that boy then he become against of this marriage & my father was already against.
The boy’s family is ready for this marriage but only in this condition that girl’s family should be ready. If girl’s family is not ready then they don’t want to marry their son with me. We can’t go for court marriage option because of society values.
Now I don’t know what to do. I can’t live without him & he is also can’t. He says convince to parents but how I don’t know. My step brother is too bad & my father having old thinking.
Please suggest what to do…
My problem cannot solved by these six steps.
I love my boyfriend so much, so many other boys came and go away but no one can break our relationship of more than 10 years. My father is not happy with this relationship. He has some status and ego problem. Papa knows him and his family very well, as his father and my papa are neighbor as well as childhood friend. Uncle has a restaurant in our land in rent. still I tried so many times to discuss with papa, but he avoids that topic and use to scold me for any other reason.
All these things I know I can handle, but, for whom! my boyfriend?, who loves me but does not rely on me, he has so many doubts on me, he fights with me, even bits me for that. I am a 25 year old girl, boys likes me that is not my fault, I can handle the possessiveness, but this is adverse situation, he always checks my phones, massages, follow me silently, though I did nothing wrong, people likes me that is not my fault, but I don’t have any extra affair with anyone, I had deny and sent back the boys who likes me or eagerly want me in there life, though they are not good persons in my eyes.
But I truly love my boyfriend, in-spite of all those problem I like to marry him, his family is ready to accept me. But tell me how could I broke my father’s heart for that guy with whom my future is uncertain! Still if I have to marry any one, then the person must be my boyfriend, no one else.
I am 26 years old Rajput girl wid a guy who is 28yrs old also Rajput. we r in relationship since 2013 (almost1.5 yrs), we lv eachother alot n planning to get married in next 2-3yrs… bt d prblm is he feels his less earnings will become an obstacle in our marriage. Does money matters alot dat u leave a person jus cz he earns less.. his love, care n d way he treats me doesnt matter at all..??
m doing cs soon will get job.. i know together v can make r life batter. i know he wont leave me n will fight d world for me bt i wanna make him feel money will never be d issue in our relationship.. n how to realise my parents dat
he is d one 4 me doesnt matter if he earns less now…
Here is my problem. He is not the perfect guy – even mine and his friends say that. The problems are all: caste, class, family history, education, upbringing, livelihood, language, EVERYTHING (may be his region and food habits would not matter).
If you ask me then why I like him, then my answer will be he fits me in a very weird way: he is down to earth, he adores me for being a control freak, his family likes me, he says ‘yes’ to my everything – in fact, till date, except for my former best friend, he is the only one with whom I feel comfortable and safe and trustworthy with.
So, now what do I do??
hi. i hv also kind of prob. her parent’s decided and date of marraige is fixed on dec.2014. my girl does not want to marry..she does not want to hurt their parets feeling, reputation and all.. she tried to convice two times her mother.. but her mom deny all. and also her mother very straight to the marraige. my girl cant do anything..and my girrl does not want to take any step by me. she wants to marry me but she does not want to hurt anything bcaz her father might be leave her and also her mother . my girl dont want to creat any prob in her mom’s life by her love. we are in traped betwween duty of daughter and love.plz help.plz urgent
Hi ,
I am Vivek ,
I have issue with my marriage because i liked a girl who belongs to Lingayath community and my self Nayaka so its been very difficult to convince our parents for peaceful marriage So please suggest and help me.
Hiii, i am in reationship with my bf since 5years.and we want to marry each other.but his parents are against of our marriage.they even stopped talking to my bf as well when he spoke regarding our marriage as becoz we are intercast. We donot want to leave each other we tried to left each other once because our family but we didnt able leave. My parents told me do what ever i want but they will not help me but want me to be happy but the thing is that how to convence my bf’s family specially his dad so that they can accept us. We really want some suggestion who we can convence my bf’s family for our marriage.. mean thing they donot even talk to my bf. If he calls them they donot picks up his call. He lives in pg. What we need to do please help us..
HI.i m in a relationship from 6yrs…from my side every thing is ok..but from my bofriend’s parrents r not agreee..becos his elder brother and his sister in law explained to his parrents that i am not a well girl.Thats why they r not agree…aand now they r finding girls for him..so what i l do.very difficult.
Pls help me…
HI.i m in a relationship since 6yrs…from my side every thing is ok..but from my bofriend’s parrents r not agreee..becos his elder brother and his sister in law explained to his parrents that i am not a well girl.Thats why they r not agree…aand now they r finding girls for him..so what i l do.very difficult.
Pls help me…
Problem. In my situation is a bit different my girlfriends father and mother are bith having vitiligo a skin disease but she doesn’t we both are In love for last 6months we wan marry but how should I convince my mother and sister pls
Hi my probkem.is abit different my girlfriends mother and father both have akin disease called vitiligo which is y my sister and mother r not giving me permission for our marriage we are in relation for last 6 months pls help me how to tell them and convince them. Plsssss help
Hi, Loveinindia.co.in , I really verry nervous yaar… My family is thinking of my marraige and i loove someone else. He is really a nice guy. Actually the problem with him is that he is scare in discussing his love life with his family. he dont want to hurt his family, because he is the only son . What Should i do…. please suggest…please…..
I m also suffering same prblm plzzz help
I m in relation wid a guy frm last two yrs.. And same prblm is happening with us.. He belongs to Jain caste nd I m a OBC.. Mere ghar olredy bade bhai ki love marrg ho gyi h.. So my parents wil neve accpt me to go the same way.. Bcz they heard bad from society ..even our fmly membr also not talking .. On other hand his fmly is also not accepting.. They warned him to do suicide.. If he wants to marry me.. And same happening with me.. I dnt knw wot to do now me kese samjau ghar me or woh kese samjye.. Agar bhag k bhi shadi ki toh again they will die.. Hum kuch bhi kar le khush nai reh paenge.. Bcz we want humari fmly bhi hamare sath ho hamare decision me.. Plzz help us guys wot should we do nw..
Hey there!
I am in love with my girl from last 2 years and before commiting to each other we were very good frnds. For me it was love at first sight.
Now the problem is she has told her parents that she wants to marry me but they have rejected me without letting her complete. they are disagree with our caste. I am a brahmin and she a baniya. she has a large joint family and not a single person is trying to listen her. she has said them to atleast meeet me once but they says he is not of our caste den what’s the point to meet. Her father started threatening her by saying he will kill himself and her and also me but will never let this happpen. she don’t want go against them because if she do so her other family members may attack her mother nd make her mentally sick. I am about complete CA. she is leaving her hopes.. I m trying keep her calm. She lives away from her parents for job purpose but bassically we both r frm same city. Now if we take decision against them, there are chances that her family may attack my family too. its been a week we r struggling our love life. please suggest smthing…. we both don’t want to hurt our parents sentiments and at the same time can’t live without each other…. :(
Hi,
I met this amazing guy almost 1 year back and am head over heels in love with him. I am 28 years old while he is almost three years younger to me (25) basically…and we belong to different communities(Me- Baniya, He-Brahmin). My mom wants me to get married as she feels I am way past my age. I told my parents about this guy and they seem to be ok with him, though they have not yet met him..but they do not have issues with caste and age. However, when he talked to his parents at his home, his parents didnt agree as for them the biggest factor is my age since I am 3 years elder to him. They are ok with intercaste but not with age. Now this is something i just cant change. My mom arranged a match for me in US and she feels our relationship will never see the light of the day as his parents will never agree and he is too much of mama’s boy to stand up against his parents.I cant imagine my life without him at all. I have actually thought of ending my life so many times. I just cant live without him. I dont know how to convince his parents over this age difference issue. Any serious suggestions?
Hi am Sofi,,,I loved a boy who we were studied n same class…(PG)we loved so much,,we can’t live without each other….bt now he got fear about his mother not at all accept for our marg,!so let we break like that he s saying,,I don’t know wt do….bt still he lovng me very much,,I am also…I can’t imagine ma life without he…
actually I have no dare to talk with my pappa….I knw he wnt agree for my love marriage
I am vinay singh and I love my adjacent neighbour doughter she also love me we both want to marry but my parents are not ready for this due to loss of face in our comunity.we both are from diffrent place and same caste but our new home are made in same calony his father is also my father s friend.how can I convince my parents is it possible or not
Hi all, i am from jaipur Raj. i am in love with a guy who is gujrati jain from mumbai since 1 year.. he is 6 years older then me. at the age of 25, he got engaged and later on he called off the engagement as the girl was in love with some other guy. he is in the business of share broking. now the issue is i belong to a typical marwari agarwal family. so my parents are not getting ready for this marriage as per them that guy is not suitable for me bcos of age and her previous engagement. but we both love each other a lot and shares an amazing bonding. i ma in trouble what to do or what not to do. as my parents have given me an ultimatam to decide one side, either the guy or them. but i dont want to leave both of the. please suggest me the proper way out of this problem.
Hi,
All have moreover similar kind of problem(Inter caste love)…As same,me and my boy friend belongs to different caste…His parents is ok for our marriage if my parents too accept,,But my father comes from a village background and he is so keen on his own community welfare only and not even ready to listen my side…I do not know what to do..We are not able to do a court marriage also since he comes from a big family consisting of three elder brothers and one younger brother.Since his parents ready to proceed our marriage but my parents not even ready to see his face or his family. Anyone pls suggest me with some ideas…
hiii,, i am 23 year old and my gf is also almost of same age, mow the problem is, in her home dey r planning for marriage. And still we haven’t informed about our love in home. I need atleast 3 years to get settled in my proffessional career, can you plzz suggest me how i can approach dem and how i can convince dem to wait for atleast 3 years from now…
Hi m purushothama I am in love past 1 yr, we love eachother. We Both are Hindu but I am non vegetarian from south india and she is vegetarian family from north part and we have a age difference of 10yrs m 32 she is 22. Now we both are working in dubai. She is staying with her family and I in bachelors accommodation. Now my family from India they are forcing for marriage. They dnot know about our relationship. And also way they talk is against. Plz help me how I convince both the familY about our love and to marry.
Hi m purushothama I am in love past 1 yr, we love eachother. We Both are Hindu but I am non vegetarian from south india and she is vegetarian family from north part and we have a age difference of 10yrs m 32 she is 22. Now we both are working in dubai. She is staying with her family and I in bachelors accommodation. Now my family from India they are forcing for marriage. They dnot know about our relationship. And also way they talk is against. Plz help me how I convince both the familY about our love and to marry.
pls help me.. mere parents nhi maan rhe hai shadi k liye. kyuki unko caste sey problem hai ladki ki. ladki wale jb jb aage badh kr aye humesha unko naa hi mili. aaj wo khud naa kr rhe hai. ab koi rasta nazar nhi aa rha hai. pls send me suggest. aaj aisa mood aa gya hai ki meri gf bhi buri terha sey fss chuki hai. aaj usko bhi apne gharwalo ki baat maan ni pdd rhi hai
my parents is telling that its not our caste girl . what should i do now bcoz i am gujarati and she is jain(marwadi).
we both love each other a lot and we want to marry pls mail me fast what should i do.
hiii,my problm is that my family doesn’t allow me to frndship with any boy but i fall in love …….what cam i do to change my families thinking……..plz tell me……
i love a girl a lot and she too.We belong to diffrent caSte and community.she is one year younger to me but having a job,i m still jobless since i had been preparing for govt jobs exams so its going to take few more time.Her parents would somehow agree but my parents and society would never give consent to our love.Love marriages are strictly prohibited in my caste but not in hers.If i do so I will be jUST thrown out of my community and society..But i cant live without my swetheart…we r very much tensed bcz of all these and now she wants me to marry her within this year anyhow..We hv decided dat we will tell about our marriage to our parents after we get settled..may be it takes 3or 4 years..Can we take help of any organization like love commando for our marriage…plz reply..
hi guys,
i need suggestion, my age is 30 yrs, before that i wont like girls and love also, dont have love pain and affection, in the years of 29 i have seen one girl in my life, last 2 yrs i have a feel full of love with my girl friend, she know about my character and attitude , she adjust all the things which i made any mistake. We both are love the parents , so we cant to meet and speak nowadays, she said to his mother, mother suggest to her , just wait we will make the love to arrange marriage, (your father is very angry person , he will not accept your love so please wait for 2 years my girl friend mother said). in my side my parents are searching bride for me because my age is 30 yrs . i cant able to stop our parents. i dont know what i have to do ? please suggest me as soon as possible…..
Hey ! I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for 5 years.. My parents personally know him and they have talked a few times before and they like him(I introduced him as a friend) .And now because they like him I told them that v want to marry each other. But they said a clear no due to caste differences. What do I do?
hi
actually I have no dare to talk with my pappa….I knw he wnt agree for my love marriage
please send me ur email id. i need ur advice to take few further steps in my life.
please send me ur email id. i need ur advice to take few further steps in my life. And i dont want to discuss in public..
The article is really cool and it would be useful I guess.My parents are pretty cool so when I told them about the relationship,they agreed instantaneously since they know my bf from a long time.He was my school senior and we know each other’s family well.But his parents are pretty conservative though they are very kind people with a good heart,we are pretty unsure about their nod.I am gonna share the link with my bf and I am sure it would work well.Though we arent from different religion,we are from different castes.He is a tamilian and I am bengali.Need your best wishes.
Hi…my name is sweety, my bf is so much loves me and we are relationship since 4year but his mother and famnily don’t like to me even when he go to home for discussion of our marriage then his mother answer NO..he try to convince his family to last 4 years and now days he also in home, yesterday he called me & say No….then m so confused what to do now…I can’t live without him….help me
Mai kisi se bhot pyar karti hu. Aur humare relationship ko 6years ho gaye h. Hum ab shaadi karna chate h. Mere parents to tyar ho gaye h shaadi k liye par ladk k parents tyar nhi h. Wo khete h mar jayege par shaadi nhi karege aise. Na humne aisa kiya na karne dege. Ek baar unko heart attack bhi aa chuka h to aur dar lagta unse kuch aisa bolne se kuch ho na jaye. Ek baar to ladk ko bhi ghar se nikal diya tha. Aur mai usse dur ho gai to mai mar jaugi. Samjh nhi aata kaise usk ghar walo ko manaye. Plz koi rasta btao jisse usk ghar wale maan jaye. Plz plz plz…..
Even I’m under going same situtin , I’m very stressed bt I can’t Evn live witout him , Evn my sistr has got love marriage nw its my my time , my mother is very orthodex I dnt no hw to convince her, plzzzz show me some way
I m in relationship with my class mate from last 6 years..we were both best friends…n we are very happy with each other
The problem is the age-old inter caste problem…m a marwari rajput n she’s a Maharashtrain,m dad n I have a pretty good relation but 2 years back..he came to know about our relationship n warned me against it..but I continued it.. N 3 months back..they came to know about the seriousness of our relationship.. Since then.we talked a lot..discussed a lot..had lots of argument..but he’s still against my decision..thankfully he is not violent like others..he want me to get engaged to some other girl..of our caste..he is been looking on by end of august.. But he is not forcing me..he says..if you wanna go n marry her…you can..but then don’t ever come to us..n m never gonna support you anyway..
I know my dad.. He’s very spiritual n man of principle’s….he’ll never support us
N m also in my last year if my graduation
I need help on my future decision
Will yoI m in relationship with my class mate from last 6 years..we were both best friends…n we are very happy with each other
The problem is the age-old inter caste problem…m a marwari rajput n she’s a Maharashtrain,m dad n I have a pretty good relation but 2 years back..he came to know about our relationship n warned me against it..but I continued it.. N 3 months back..they came to know about the seriousness of our relationship.. Since then.we talked a lot..discussed a lot..had lots of argument..but he’s still against my decision..thankfully he is not violent like others..he want me to get engaged to some other girl..of our caste..he is been looking on by end of august.. But he is not forcing me..he says..if you wanna go n marry her…you can..but then don’t ever come to us..n m never gonna support you anyway..
I know my dad.. He’s very spiritual n man of principle’s….he’ll never support us
N m also in my last year if my graduation
I need help on my future decision
Please help
Dear Ma’am,
We have shared a long relationship of more than 10 years. We are also facing the same problem of intercaste marriage along with some families differences because of her father and mine. My father and her father studied together and are currently working in a same department in the same firm. Her father doesn’t like my father god knows coz of what reason. He always tells that i will not going to give my daughter to his son. Her two sister got their marriage done with their boyfriends but both were of same caste. First thing is that my family is completely supporting me and my every decision and accepting her though she belongs to different caste. As for us also this is the first love marriage in our whole family. My parents want too see me happy as last few months i have been crying like a child who needs a new toy to play with.
She is also going through the same phase. I tried to meet her father. He straight away told me i don’t want to talk to you and you may leave. I tried even to beg infront of him for my love. But the answer were still no.
Her father is a heart patient and I don’t want to do anything without the concern of her family. As i respect her father a lot and wants to do everything with the permission of her family.
We both are working in a MNC and can live our life on own. Her father have selected two boys of their caste for her and wants to fix her marriage.
Her father always ask her 2 question what should i choose him(me).
#He doesn’t earn that much as compared to those two boys?#
#He doesn’t belongs to our caste?#
I like your every single article abt love marriage. Seeking a practical guidance from your end.
Thanks for you help in advance
Plzz help me frnds..
I want to marry with my girlfriend. Then how I convince our parents .. Bcoz she is from other cast..
Hi,
Im 24yr old and working in MNC, in my office there is a guy who was my friend from 2years, we both are of same age, earn same money , but we are from different caste and his family is not financially well compared to us .he started loving me very truly since 8months, he told about his love to me 3 months ago. I was shocked to hear this though i had doubt about this earlier. He is telling that if he marries he’ll marry only me or leave his entire life alone. He has told this to his parents also, her parents has also agreed to this. I’ve spoken to his mom several times. His mom is also very supportive and she likes me a lot. But I havent met their family till now nor he has met my family.
His family is ready to talk to my parents. But im very scared to take this topic out im my home. I love my parents very much, because of love n respect for my parents , I havent yet agreed to his proposal. from 3 months every day evry minute he convinces me . He has so much confident that he will marry me only. But for me confident level is 0%. Ive told him many times that this is not possible that they will agree for this.
Evry weekend there will be some proposals comming home to see me. That time ill be so upset, only he’ll be running in my mind when such things happen. I’m not able to handle this situation. Im in dual mind weather to tell my parents or not, still i havent opened this topic in my home coz i dont want to hurt them in any ways..at the same time i cant hurt him also:(. I’ve told this to my younger brother who is 19yrs (capable enough to take decisions). he has agreed to this and they both talk to each other well.
Im totally in a very big confusion, wheather to tell this matter in my home. I dont even know weather they will agree or not. Beacuse the guy who loves me is not yet settled(but im sure that he’ll get settled soon as he is trying for better package now), his family is not well financial(its not a problem for me) and he is of different caste(but we are Hindus).
Keeping these things as priority, im only thinking that they will not agree. and getting scared :(If they wont agree i cant face them every day:(, their taunting words hurt me.
Can some one please suggest me what to do. Should I discuss this topic. If YES, Please suggest me at what kind of situation should i take this matter out to tell them. Im 50-50 of agreeing him or agreeing to my parents. Totally in a very big confusion. can someone please please suggest , weather to talk to my parents or not.
The article is very helpful.. however,my boyfriend doesn’t even want to try to convince his parents. He asked them once and they denied and he gave up. I am a muslim girl and he is Hindu brahmin from uttarpradesh….His family knows me and likes me I visit his house very often but still he cant convince them for marriage..coz he is not even trying.
hi my name is Layba I m 24 I m in a relationship with a boy very deeply he luv me 2 frm he was studied in 11 bt his dad nt agree 4 our marriage he thinking that just follow my rules never go against it he directly talk abt his father bt he told that if u get married that girl thn never cum back in my home in live in hostel n he is also stay here n doing his job I m very stress wat 2 do how to agree his father plzzzzz plzzzzzz help me to convince his father we can’t live without each other
Hi,
I am in relation and the boy belongs to punjabi sardar family. My family is searching for rishta in my own cast and they told me on last sunday they met a family and they all like the guy and i got afraid and worried. I told my father i liked a guy and want to marry the same, he got so angry and blackmailed me emotionally by saying he will die if i marry him. He called all our closed relatives at home an start pressurizing me. They took my phone away from me. My father even said he will kill my boy friend if i leave my home for him. The problem is at my side my bf’s family is ready for our marriage but my family is not ready for arrange marriage due to several reasons and want me to marry with the guy they choosed for me. Even my bf’s mom tok to my chachu they said give us few months will ask evryone nd let them get marry nd my family said we dont wana hear anything v leaving her at random metro station come n take her ur home. We cant wait just take her right now along with you. Mere dad mere bf ko ek mauka bhi nhi dena chahte just coz wo sardar hai..
m pissed in btwn bth families
My bf’s mom want main apne mom dad se rishta na todu bina dad k jeena bohat difficult hota h as mere bf k dad 6 yr pehle expire ho chuke h. Bt my family thinks they want to get in touch with my dad’s home for future purpose. they said wo lalachi h wo mujeh shadi k baad ghr bhejenge paise mange k liye on the name of dowry.
i really love my bf so much na wo mere bina jee sakt ah na main uske bina jee sakti hu. Kya kregi society jab hum dono hi khush nhi rahenge. Wots the gaurantee kal jaha mere mom dad meri shadi krenge wo mujhe dowry k liye tang nhi krenge mujeh mareng nhi.
Please help me out main kaise agree kru apne dad ko to let me marry him withh all permissions. Suicide krna ist the solution to this as unhone mujeh marne k dhamki di main wahi dhamki nhi dena chahti. bus i want atleast mere parents agree ho jae nd arrange marrige kra de meri mere bf k saath
It was happened that my parents came to know about my boyfriend accidentally, and they were so against with our relationship. Due to some of his previous mistakes like lying us about him etc…
As he is changed now and promised me that he wud bcome a better person and show to my parents, but in the mean time we happened to caught by them.And now I am in a situation where i have to choose anyone of them from them both,but I need them both(my parents & my boyfriend)
Yes he made mistakes but his love for me is true that’s for sure…
Plz advice me how to convince them in such situation, m so confused…
Hope ur rply wud help me..
Thank you for your patience reading…!
hi..i am in relationship with my girlfriend since 4 year.my mother used does not like her as my mother thinks that she is using me against her.the reason is that my mother talks with her very wrongly and when i asked about it she thought i am taking my girlfriends side.beside that when i discuss with her about my marriage with my girl friend she is used to tell me that i will think about it when you get a job.this is correct as i am still doing my phd.but i need to think about my girlfriends position also as she also needs to answer to her parents
regarding our status as she is now 27.what should i do.i can not leave her and i can not leave my family also
I have also love marriage problem because i am law caste.
I take the help of astrology its right way????? give me solution..
well, i belong from a place where inter caste marriage is like sin and my dad love his ego more than my happiness what do i do?
Am in a relationship since 6 years.. We are of same caste.. Now my dad wants me to get married but I dint even say him that am in a relationship.. He is very strict and fully against love marriage.. I don’t know how to convince him about this.. I really love him a lot and if in case dad won’t let me to get married with my guy am ready to quit my life.. Please do help to sort out this problem..