“True love conquers all.”
“It was love at first sight.”
“If it’s not forever it’s not love.”
Relationship myths are many. Some harmlessly funny, some dangerously life-destroying if you believe in them.
I thought I’d entertain myself by busting some of the most popular relationship myths this morning. Read on for some laughs and may be a few life lessons.
Relationship myth #1
It’s “true, eternal love” that keeps couples together decade after decade. (Only when added to financial stability, compatibility and lethargy to imagine beyond the status quo.)
Photo by JanviSharmaRelationship myth #2
Relationships “work themselves out” if “true love” is there. (“True love” is for the first year. At most two. After that it’s consistent, conscious efforts or Goodbye. ;))
Relationship myth #3
If you’re not happy alone, you’ll never be happy in a relationship. (As social animals, humans are programmed by Nature to feel unhappy and lonely when alone. Loneliness is not a thought but an instinct meant to force you to seek out other humans to socialize with. However as intelligent beings, humans can choose to enjoy their singledom instead of sulking through it.)
Relationship myth #4
You’ll “never” be able to forget your ex who just dumped you. (True, you’ll never be able to forget them as long as you continue to focus on them. But you have the option to shift your focus.)
Relationship myth #5
You fell in love “at first sight”. (There’s no such thing as “love at first sight”. There can be “attraction at first sight”, which may or may not turn into a real relationship.)
Relationship myth #6
If you look at someone and feel “This is it!”, it means this is it. (Girl – and I know you’re a girl – run home before you ruin your life! That’s all I can say. It’s compatibility – not whims – that makes relationships work. And when it comes to gauging it, nothing replaces a few years spent together.)
Relationship myth #7
If it’s not “forever” it’s not “love”. (It’s OK to let some things in your life remain perfect. Like memories of a relationship which didn’t culminate into the messy reality of a life together.)
Relationship myth #8
Your life would be so much better “if only” you weren’t in this wretched relationship. (Water the grass on your side to the best of your abilities before you start thinking that the other side is greener. It takes work – not “love and luck” – to make relationships work.)
Relationship myth #9
Being in love is a necessary condition for a successful marriage. (A successful marriage is about making the all-round partnership more value-adding than being alone, for both the partners. The value can be emotional, practical, social, financial or anything else. It can be – and often is – a combination of many of these factors.)
Relationship myth #10
Being in love is a sufficient condition for a successful marriage. (Well, listen to your mother. And read this: Why Marriages and Relationships are like Apples and Oranges (Part 1) & Why Marriages and Relationships are like Apples and Oranges (Part 2))
Photo by JanviSharmaRelationship myth #11
Everyone falls in love at least once. (Not everyone is sensitive enough to be able to fall in love. Many people spend their lives in “happy arrangements” called “marriages”. And that includes all marriages of convenience, including but not limited to those arranged by one’s parents. ;) )
Relationship myth #12
Compatibility is a necessary condition for falling in love. (Falling in love per se is a random, mad process. It has got nothing to do with marriage, relationship, stability etc. All these factors complicate it at a later stage.)
Relationship myth #13
Falling in love is a sufficient condition for compatibility. (OMG No! Again, read this: “When Should I Get Married?” 10 Questions I Wish I Had Asked Myself Before Getting Married – Part 1 & “When Should I Get Married?” 10 Questions I Wish I Had Asked Myself Before Getting Married – Part 2)
Relationship myth #14
You should get married before you let your relationship become “old” and “boring”. (Only if you’re comfortable taking the biggest decision of your life under the influence of addictive drugs. If you want a stable marriage, spend at least 2 years with each other before deciding to get married.)
Relationship myth #15
While marriage has many disadvantages, some of the biggest advantages are enjoying “true, lasting love”, lifelong romance and sex. (While these things form an important part of a marriage, that part is close to 0.5%. People get married because they crave sharing and companionship).
Relationship myth #16
The low divorce rates in India bear testimony to the fact that arranged marriages foster true compatibility. (It bears testimony to the fact that in India, breaking the bond of marriage – “love” or “arranged” – means a massive loss of face most would do anything to avoid.)
Relationship myth #17
Opposites attract. (As I’ve said many times, it’s compatibility which keeps people together. A certain degree of complementarity can increase compatibility, but extreme divergence – e.g. a firebrand liberal and a diehard conservative – rarely helps create a lasting partnership.)
Relationship myth #18
You’re feeling bored and same-old means you’re not in love with each other. (Boredom and same-old-ness in long term relationships are some of the surest signs of stability)
Relationship myth #19
A relationship is a bond between two people. (A relationship is a chemistry of two families. No, I’m not talking about only the typical Indian version where it’s literally so, but relationships of all forms. Your partner is to a great extent a product of their childhood and their upbringing. You have to understand their childhood and the people they spent it with in order to understand them.)
Relationship myth #20
Incessant fighting means “it’s not working”. (Incessant fighting signifies you still care for and fiercely love each other. It’s when fights stop that the end is near.)
Don’t agree with me? There’s one among the twenty which you’ve found to be true in your life? Bash away in the comments. I’m waiting. ;)
True love” is for the first year. At most two. After that it’s consistent, conscious efforts or Goodbye….that’s an eye opener for all of the people freshly into a relationship or just married…
“Incessant fighting signifies you still care for and fiercely love each other. It’s when fights stop that the end is near”
u have the uncanny knack of being able to translate the feelings of good n bad times into words with astonishing ease…20 points…all of them simply superb, pragmatic n well thought…u r blessed with this unique ability of being able to express feelings beautifully…
feelings peek out through ur words… there r times when i go back into d flash back of my life when i m reading ur articles…
i m ur fan now…add me in ur fan list…please…
I thought you already were. ;)
correction…”Die-hard fan” … i m not dat good in English, not able 2 express myself as well as u… ;-)
I agreed some how with your thoughts but here I have a different view on the man-women relations.
1.The first and foremost thing is the level of living comfort with your partner…. It depends on some basic things like,
How much time you really want to spend with them?
How much you are happy to spend time with her/him? how you feel when you both seated in a place like a garden or a park etc? or how much you feel relaxed when you just come back home after a busy working schedule?
If you feel uncomfortable and not so happy to share some of your precious time that is actually your repose time then there are chances that your relation may face a bad impact. So try to be happy with your spouse and allow her some time to spend with you. This will increase love for you in her heart she will take a special care of you even better then ever.
2. Talk with your partner..
It has been observed that people usually don’t share problems with their partners whether it is official or personal. They think that it would disgrace his respect and her wife will caught him next time whenever they will argue for some thing. this is completely wrong. One should be aware about their partner’s problems and he/she can help to overcome from it. and if the problem is not getting solve it doesn’t matters but at least your headache will share and you will feel a bit relax.
3.Be a friend and do not try to be a rude Husband and rule over her. you can make her happy if you want. You can placed order on her but you can never win her heart so be soft with your wife she is a friend indeed. Share some of her work like cooking and washing clothes with her, you just have to talk while she is working and she will feel blessed that you are with her and it will help her to finish the task easily…. It will definitely increase her love for you.
4. Be aware of third persons in your married life: Do not allow some one to your personal life. even your best friend can make your life worst and hell. third persons create Misconception between the husband wife and try to enter in between. so be care full.
5. Smile:Whenever you see your partner put a smile in your face and blink your eyes. it really gives a pleasurable feeling to whom you love.
I am not so good in English so please ignore the mistakes.
Thank You.
Thank you for the very detailed comment Riyaz.
You’ve raised some really interesting questions, like how important it is to define your comfort zone in a relationship. I’d say, it depends on the two people. In 5% of the cases the two are so “made for each other” that there are no boundaries. They understand each other without the need for defining boundaries. For the rest of us, rules and boundaries represent the key to conjugal bliss. :)
I appreciate your thoughts on how a husband can be there by the side of his wife and make her feel appreciated as she goes about doing her usual chores. I’d urge you to consider situations where both partners have full-time jobs and both partners equally share joint responsibilities ranging from household chores to managing joint bank accounts and servicing the family car. Even in that situation basic principles like being each other’s most trusted friends and providing each other warmth at the time of need are crucial, but they play out in different ways.
Thanks for taking out the time to leave such a meaningful comment.:)
Thanks for the appreciations. and yes on that situation that you have point out here one should stand by her specially for that women who are working in shifts like doctors, nurses etc. A man is more stronger in all the way compare to a women, so it should be our moral duty to be present in all her bad times. As my personal perspective women are not made for work in offices. The almighty have made them very soft by nature, heart and physically also. So as a true and caring husband I would not allow her to work if I get a satisfactory salary. She will handle all the “in house” issues and works and I will earn for the survival. I know I can not be millionaire this way, but my life will be comfortable and this the most important thing for a couple. Thank you.
Well of course everyone has their own views, and as long as the women close to you and affected by your views are OK with them, they’re OK. I don’t know if you’re married, but if you aren’t I’d strongly urge you to make these views clear to your fiancee before marriage. I’m sure you understand that every human being is created equal and no one has the rights to force another adult human being into doing something against their wishes. Hence, you can force a girl to not work outside the home after marriage only if she’s agreed to it before marriage.
Thanks again. :)
You are right and I agreed with you. And yeah we are marrying next month, Although she is currently working but completely agreed with me for this.