January 2013 – Page 2 – Love in India

19 Sure-fire Ways to Always Fight with Your Partner and Completely Piss Each Other Off

Remember my friend Amrita who made some one-of-a-kind drunken promises to her husband? Today she’s back with some pearls of wisdom on how she keeps the domestic war going in her family. While she’s talking from a married woman’s point of view, these methods will work like magic for married and unmarried couples alike.

Photo by Dr Winston O Boogie

So here goes…

Remember, it’s always the other person’s fault.
Whenever you’re arguing, always refer back to past fights.
Find ways of somehow blaming things on your partner’s parents. While having a fight disparage them every now and then.
Maintain a secret running list of his/her weak spots. Make careless jibes at them during fights.
If you’re running out of new issues, bring up the eternal and un-solvable ones.
For best effects, do this at a time when you’re both exhausted – like after work/school.
Don’t accept defeat. When you really can’t find any ways of countering the other person’s point repeat it, add a “but”, and add your own (even if entirely irrelevant).
No issue is too small to fight over.
Rigorously monitor their email, messages, Gtalk, Facebook chat, Whatsapp and everything else. This will keep them on their toes.
Try to avoid sex as much as possible. It never makes for a great mood for fighting.
Always interrupt them before they can finish a sentence. This will not only help you avoid listening to them, but also set the mood for a fresh fight.
Use your most normal tone to deliver your most sarcastic lines. This will drive them crazy.
When they come up with their best lines, pretend not to hear (play with your cell phone or something).
Focus on the big picture. Instead of limiting the argument to any issue at hand, link it with your partner’s inherently faulty nature.
Causally mention something provocative at a particularly special and romantic moment. This is known as the “ruin the moment” technique.
Whatever you do, don’t say the words, “I’m sorry.” They have the dangerous power of ending fights abruptly.
Don’t leave the room or take any sort of break during a quarrel. Be at it till you have made your point.
If your partner does something spineless like leaving the room, chase them around everywhere – including the bathroom – to prove that they’re wrong.
If you want to get creative, call up his/her dad at the height of a fight, and say, “This is what he/she is doing! Is this what you’ve taught him/her?” You will never forget your partner’s reaction to this.

Have a great weekend and happy fighting!

How I Coped with Being Dumped and Why That’s NOT Going To Help You

I once got dumped.

There. You have it – my unequivocal confession.

The worst part was that we were just about twenty days into the relationship (if you can call it a relationship) when he decided this wasn’t what he wanted.

What’s even worse is that I was madly in love with him. Well, madly doesn’t even begin to describe it.

It hurt.

And I let it. May be because I was so mad, I couldn’t make any attempts to wish it away by telling myself, “I’m fine” and “He’s not so important”. ’Cause these would be lies.

Photo by Lsea584

So I acknowledged the piercing pain and loss.

I avoided all things him…

…Like plague. Not doing so would’ve been more dangerous to me than plague at the time.

I avoided the restaurants we visited. Even whole parts of the city. Even the music I used to listen to in that period.

And I don’t know if you believe this – even discussions of the industry he worked in.

I sought support

I was devastated. Broken. Over.

Or so I felt.

I had no option to “grieve silently”. I couldn’t bear the avalanche of pain that was crippling me. So I immediately contacted my (real) friends and cried my heart out on their sturdy and trusting shoulders.

Note that I said real friends. I think even letting the fake ones know about it would’ve been disastrous.

I actively formed other connections

No, I’m not talking about a nutty rebound confusion. (My madcap mind had that bit of sense still left in it.)

I dug out old friends in Mumbai. I simply called them up and wanted to meet.

Those of you who know me can imagine how uncharacteristic of me this was. That’s how desperate I was to hold on to something.

And a good thing too, ’cause it helped numb the pain.

I focused on myself.

I was forced to.

I had completely lost myself in those twenty days (yes I’ll definitely tell you all the stories sometime). He had become the sole purpose of my life to the utter exclusion of everything else (I know I’m crazy, but be honest – that’s part of the reason you love me. ;) ).

So when God disappeared I was forced to turn all that focus, energy, attention somewhere. I chose myself.

I rekindled my long forgotten love for reading and music. I sought beauty in whichever place I visited. I tried to give myself freedom – freedom from the past and freedom to embrace the good things of the world.

I gave him a piece of my mind

Woohoo! This is the fun part.

He made the mistake of calling me one day to say sorry. (Yes! I was evil-ly waiting for this!)

As per the advice of one of my (real) friends, I made full use of this opportunity.

I still don’t know whether I was able to make him really feel sorry, but I sure felt relieved.

A lot.

All of the above …

… Helped lessen my pain and helped me inch towards normal.

About 5% of the way.

That experience taught me that if you’re really in love, all the self-help methods of the world are only going to help you so much.

The rest – you have to leave to time. There’s a reason they call her (or him?) the best healer.

So what happened eventually?

Eventually… I got into a rebound relationship. (Yes, I did make that mistake against the good advice of all my friends and family.)

There was just this tiny bit of saving grace – this was with the same guy who had dumped me.

One year later I married him.

:D :D

Now don’t get greedy for getting your hands on my priceless “Proven Ways of Getting Your Ex Back” for free. Let me think up a killer business plan to launch it as a premium course… :P

What Are You Chasing?

I’m ravaged if I don’t Get It.

This life is a quest for Getting. This society will cheer you if you can Get it. And if you can't Get enough-you're a nobody, you're not worth anything. ‘It', for you, might mean wealth, recognition, status or any kind of material success. You MUST Get IT.

Photo by elizabetheastcobber

Superstar from childhood?…

Our children imbibe this from early childhood. Parents pressurizing them to be the topper of their class, win the football championship, be equally amazing in painting, music, dance and what have you.

I know I must be the best. Otherwise Mom won't love me as much.

And what can be a greater measure of self-worth to a child than parental love? This is not to say that parents stop loving their children if they are not high-acheivers. But the message the child gets is, "I get all those beams and hugs and kisses and little treats when I top the class, but I get a long face when I don't."

…Or suffering from distorted self-image?

Where are we going? Why are we doing this to our kids and to ourselves? What does it matter if the interviewer thinks I'm not worthy of being in their company/institute? What does it matter if the teacher thinks I don't deserve better grades? I know what I am. Who knows me better-she, or me? Why will my self-worth depend on others' evaluation of me-others who are not even the important ones-my friends, husband/wife/partner, parents, kids?
Let's say I ask myself, "Who am I?" What answer do I get? Do I tell myself, "Who am I? I'm the guy who's responsible for a 40% increase in my company's revenue!" Or do I say, "I'm a fun-loving/friendly/happy-go-lucky person, married to/in a relationship with Rahul/Neha-the most wonderful man/woman in the world. I'm also blessed to have Amrita and Amar-the sweetest kids in the world!"???

What happens when you fail?

Now let's say I didn't get that job/promotion/admission to that hallowed school.

I failed a test. I didn't meet my targets. What happens? Well, hell happens. That's what lies at the core of my life, doesn't it? Meeting my targets/getting the best grades/ being promoted. So of course I'm devastated.

And oh, I forgot to add – in the world inside my head, there's no second chance. Like everyone else, I somehow believe if I fail to meet those targets today, there's no tomorrow. If I don't pass that exam at the first attempt I'll be barred from taking it ever again in my life. And everyone knows that people never get promoted if they fail to get promoted once. So considering all that, I'm contemplating suicide.

When success comes at a hefty price…

Now let's imagine another scenario-I keep neglecting Neha cause I'm too busy making sure the first scenario doesn't come true-meeting deadlines, networking with key people after office hours, studying so hard for the interview that I have no time even to talk to Neha. She is a human being too. She feels hurt. Then she tries her best to draw my attention to our waning relationship. Naturally I ignore her. She feels more hurt than I can imagine. And then one day she doesn't feel so hurt. And then comes a time when she barely notices my negligence. That's when she starts seeing other guys. And then we part.

The End.

The most important part -yes, the most important part of me has been slow-poisoned to death.

What will I do then? Will I be ecstatic that I still have the gold rolling in and my targets in place?

Have you ditched life for success?

"Oh, well, the elixir of my life, the only reason I was born, the happiest little secret of my life is gone but that's a teensy-weensy price I paid when you consider what I got in return-a promotion and an insane bonus a result of all those hours I kept working neglecting her!"

Photo by Honey Pie

Is that what I'd say? I actually won't. No, not even if I'm the most selfish, achievement-maniac and greedy person in the world.

I'd feel like I'm choking to death. I'll feel the ground giving way under my feet.

Is there a second chance now? Will I ever get her back? Ok. Let me try.

"Neha, I can't tell you how much I love you. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I know what has happened is entirely my fault. I promise you I'll always be yours from now on. I'm dying. Don't do this to me. Please come home."

"Thanks for all that, Rahul, but I'm with Sumit now. We're getting married next month."

"Oh. Right. Congratulations."

Looks like I made a mistake. There's no second chance after all. Not in this case.

Now all I want is to live my life once more. To correct those mistakes. To do the things I should have done. To spend my time where I should have spent it.

Will I get another chance?

Our Romantic Holiday in Tapola, Panchgani & Wai near Mahabaleshwar, Maharashtra

Sometime back I wrote about taking a break from the same old to rejuvenate your relationship.

As some of you know Shubho and I headed out on a weekend trip to Village Tapola on the foothills of the exquisite Sahyadris this Saturday. It was a uniquely enriching experience, which I can’t resist sharing today. While this post is not going to be a “5 steps of…” direct application manual for anything, may be you’ll find a life lesson or two in our experience of connecting and rejuvenating in the midst of Nature.

Or may be not.

In any case, you’ll love the pics. ;)

So on with it…

Starting out for Lake Shivsagar, Tapola, Mahabaleshwar

Our attempts of spotting off-the-beaten-track getaway sites around Mumbai had yielded us the tiny village of Tapola, Mahabaleshwar this time.

You wouldn’t believe, we actually managed to wake up at 4 am on Saturday morning! And by 5:30 we were already on the road.

I still don’t believe I did it.

Tapola, Panchgani, Mahabaleshwar, Sahyadri

The winding trail through the Western Ghats is an experience in itself. In most parts you’d hardly find any other soul around, and looking up at the Ghat heights from the road makes you feel humbled by Nature’s sheer dimensions and magnificence. I just felt grateful to have the opportunity to be in such surroundings…

However in a long drive there are always stretches which are boring and monotonous, with nothing interesting around to gawk at.

Note to couples #1: You have to be really careful not to fight somewhere among these! I was not. Unfortunately he paid the price.:(

The boring details…

We reached Panchgani, a hill station surrounded by five peaks, about 20 km from Mahabaleshwar around noon.

Gotta admit – I didn’t really expect to find suitable room with this view …

Note to couples #2: Choose your room carefully on a romantic getaway. To us, the most important aspect of such trips is rejuvenating our souls and reconnecting with each other. That said, to me, the view from the room is of supreme importance – much more than whether the room has an AC and what the bath shower looks like. A great view from the room makes me feel right in the lap of Nature – I can spend hours sitting in front of the window.

Lake Shivsagar in Tapola, an idyllic boat ride…

Lunch was the first thing on our minds after a 6 hour drive.

Note to couples #3: I know you’re ravenous when you’re waiting for food at a restaurant. But don’t get your restlessness get in the way of conversation (Shubho has a long way to go here). Take the wait as an opportunity to relax – because you’re forced to be idle at this time. You won’t believe how many things we’ve discovered about each other in pointless conversations during this time. On this particular occasion, the restaurant being an open air roadside shack with mountains all around helped, of course.

After lunch we drove down to the village of Tapola, a 1.5 – 2 hour drive from Panchgani. Lake Shivsagar in Tapola is the reservoir of the Koyna dam – one of the largest freshwater lakes in the Sahyadris. The sparkling blue lake surrounded by towering Sahyadri mounts all around makes for a gorgeous view to tourists – especially because the driveway takes you right up to the banks of the lake. You have to suddenly brake when you discover that the road has ended and there’s nothing but a magnificent blue vastness ahead.

OK I know you don’t want any more of my boring words now…

The best part is you get individualized boat rides here – just for your travel group, instead of combined tours. An experience you wouldn’t want to miss…

Please congratulate Shubho on getting the two of us back to Panchgani from Tapola – it was his first drive in the mountains at night. :D

Sydney point, Panchgani

We’d set out with only Tapola in mind (yes we’re crazy enough to drive for 12 hours over one and half days to visit a single lake). But we had some time on Sunday morning before we headed back, so we decided to do a bit of sight-seeing around Panchgani.

Sydney Point is one of the most well-known Points in Panchgani, offering a panoramic view of Krishna valley, Koyna river, Dhom Dam & the valley of Wai.

The sudden explosion of blues, browns and greens in front of your eyes as you reach the peak of the Sydney hillock is a dizzying experience.

Silence, Solitude and Beauty around Dhom Dam, Wai

Looking at the picturesque Wai valley and Dhom Dam from the Sydney Point, I felt I couldn’t leave the Ghats without touching all the pure intense blueness below. So off we drove to Wai, about 10 Km away.

What followed was an immersive experience of silence, utter solitude and serenity on the banks of the remnants of the Koyna around the Dhom Dam.

With our hearts overwhelmed with the beauty and tranquillity all around, we headed back home, with the promise of coming back again and again.

11 Proven Ways to Keep Your Relationship as Fresh, New and Exciting as Your First Date

If you’re in a steady relationship for a long time, chances are you’ve faced those inevitable periods of ennui and tedium that we all have – when there seems to be nothing new, nothing exciting and nothing fresh in the relationship anymore, when you both feel you know each other too well to discover anything new and exciting about each other, when the relationship feels more like a habit than a connection of the souls of two people in love.

If you’re looking for a way out of this relationship rut, here are 11 proven strategies to work your way out and make your relationship as new as your first date.

How to keep your relationship fresh, new & exciting

Photo by Epsosde

#1. Surprises Introduce Excitement in Relationships

A few days back when I returned from a vacation with my parents, my husband took me completely aback by meeting me at the airport (taking half a day off from work, poor thing). Going out of your way to make them feel special usually goes a long way in rekindling the feelings of excitement in the relationship.

#2. Romantic Texts and Ecards Make Your Relationship Feel New

Remember those first three months when you used to send “I’m sorry” and “I miss you” ecards to him/her every three and half days? And the sugary “I love you”s and “You’re looking cute today”s beeping on your cell phone every 10 minutes? Bring them back – nothing’s stopping you. Sending romantic ecards randomly every once in a while (NOT on special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries – that totally kills it!) is a juvenile expression of excitement – and your relationship needs just that. So get busy on your first one for free, and start exchanging silly texts while you’re at it.

#3. Go Out on Dates for A Feeling of Freshness in Your Relationship

Remember the excitement and anticipation you used to feel while waiting for him/her on your first few dates? I bet you miss that feeling. Why not fix up a date sometime in a restaurant/park? The feeling of anticipation while waiting for seeing them will be worth it. Remember, during the date don’t talk about work and your usual everyday things – be a bit romantic, imaginative and fun. It’ll be a date which will last much beyond this evening and will spread warmth and freshness in the relationship.

Photo by R.Elli

#4. A Quick Word of Praise Makes Him/Her Feel New in the Relationship

Whenever you find sparks of those special qualities which initially drew you to them – praise them. This doesn’t mean thanking them for something they’ve done (like helping you with shopping, doing the chores around the house etc.). It means a genuine praise for qualities that they possess – beauty, intelligence, a caring heart – anything that makes them unique, and that you like about them. Appreciating them for these qualities shows that you still admire them and find them special. This goes a long way in keeping the spark alive.

#5. Doing Something Together Makes Your Relationship Exciting

Have you taken up a new hobby together? Do you have a little joint project which belongs only to the two of you and no one else? If not, take it up now! Creating something new together gives you something common to care for, thereby strengthening the bond between the two of you and working the excitement back into your relationship. Starting work on this website and blog together has brought me and Shubho closer than we’d imagined. It has helped us take our relationship to the next level.

#6. Conversations Keep Your Relationship Fresh

Sweet nothings are great for the first month of your relationship. After that you need to find common topics to talk about, though. Job, school or everyday life become hackneyed after a while. Engaging each other in a meaningful conversation about topics of common interest enriches both of you, and enlivens your relationship. My husband and I debate (and fight ferociously) about everything under the Sun all the time – from politics to movies to blogging!

#7. Getaways Spice up Your Relationship with Excitement

Outings – even small picnics – help break the monotony of everyday life and brings that breath of freshness and excitement back into the relationship. A physical change of your everyday settings provide an opportunity for connecting afresh. Especially if you’re leading a suffocating high pressure city life, you’ll find a weekend picnic to the countryside gives a fresh lease of life – to you as well as your connection with your partner.

#8. Having a Social Life Keeps Your Relationship Fresh by Breaking Monotony

Don’t spend all your time only with each other. After a certain stage in a relationship it’s easy to feel claustrophobic if you have practically no one in your lives except each other. Actively form a circle of common friends and have frequent get-togethers. This will help take sameness out and kick freshness into your relationship.

#9. Spending Some Time Apart Makes Your Relationship Feel New

Are you feeling bored in each other’s presence? It may be time to take a vacation – only not together. Take a trip with your buddies/girlfriends or visit your parents/relatives. Spend a few days away from each other. You’ll be surprised to find how much you miss the person you thought you were getting bored of. Giving yourselves an opportunity to miss each other works wonders in re-nourishing your relationship.

#10. Change Hangouts Frequently to Retain Freshness in Your Relationship

Don’t go to the same restaurants/hangouts always. It increases the sense of sameness and drudgery. Shubho and I tend to make this mistake ’cause we’re kinda running out of new hangouts that we like (so at the moment we’re concentrating on #7 instead).

#11. Find Innovative Ways of Connecting & Freshening up Your Relationship

Finally, nothing is final. The ways I’ve outlined above are only to get you started with new ideas for freshening up your relationship. Invent your own ways of reconnecting and try them out. Don’t forget to share them with me in the comments, though.

Mathematical Love Letter

Happy New Year everyone. I’m sure you enjoyed your New Year Eve’s parties.

In case you’re experiencing first-day-at-work-after-holidays blues, here’s a piquant mix of romance and laughter to fix you up.

Love in India reader and enthusiast Benny recently suggested that I create a romantic proposal using mathematical analogies. I loved the idea instantly. Here’s my attempt in response to Benny’s query.

My Dear Love,

The moment your eyes and mine fell in the same straight line, the tangent from your eyes became a perpendicular bisector of my heart.

Fully in line with Newton’s law of gravitational force, the force of attraction you’ve ever since applied on my heart is proportional to the product of your beauty and your intelligence. Surprisingly, the proportionality is not determined by a constant K (as told my Newton), but by a chaotic function f, the nature of which I’m yet to determine. I suspect it’s “you”.

Also unlike gravity, the force (as measured by the stress and strains my heart experiences) is proportional to the square of the distance between us, instead of being inversely proportional to it!

This is a phenomenon which deeply surprises me.

To summarize,

Newton’s Law of gravitation,

$mathematical love letter$ Photo: Wikipedia

Force experienced by my heart = f X your beauty X your intelligence X r²

r = Distance between you and me

As you’d notice, the proportionality here is not determined by a constant K (as told by Newton) but miraculously, by a chaotic function f, the nature of which I’m yet to determine. I’m calling it “you”.

As a natural result of this force, my heart’s gravitational acceleration should have been –

My heart’s acceleration =( f X your beauty X your intelligence X r²)/mass of my heart

You’d be surprised to know that ever since this force started working on my heart, the mass of my heart has started tending to zero! (The Brownian motions experienced by it leads me to this postulate, as only particles whose mass can be compared to the fluidic medium they’re in – which I assume is gaseous in the case of my heart – can experience it).

As I’m sure you’ve concluded, the acceleration would be tending to infinity!

However, the repelling magnetic field of your silence is applying an opposite force on my heart, thereby creating severe stress.

Believe me, my poor heart is made of brittle material, which is “characterized by the fact that rupture occurs without any noticeable prior change in the rate of elongation”*.

The only solution, as you can clearly see from the above equations, is to switch off your magnetic field by accepting my love, and to reduce the distance between you and me (r) to a fraction, such that my heart can gain some respite from the maddening force and can save itself from a sudden rupture.

Yours truly,

A Mathematical Brain Addled by Love

*Source: Wikipedia