“True love conquers all.”
“It was love at first sight.”
“If it’s not forever it’s not love.”
Relationship myths are many. Some harmlessly funny, some dangerously life-destroying if you believe in them.
I thought I’d entertain myself by busting some of the most popular relationship myths this morning. Read on for some laughs and may be a few life lessons.
Relationship myth #1
It’s “true, eternal love” that keeps couples together decade after decade. (Only when added to financial stability, compatibility and lethargy to imagine beyond the status quo.)
Photo by JanviSharmaRelationship myth #2
Relationships “work themselves out” if “true love” is there. (“True love” is for the first year. At most two. After that it’s consistent, conscious efforts or Goodbye. ;))
Relationship myth #3
If you’re not happy alone, you’ll never be happy in a relationship. (As social animals, humans are programmed by Nature to feel unhappy and lonely when alone. Loneliness is not a thought but an instinct meant to force you to seek out other humans to socialize with. However as intelligent beings, humans can choose to enjoy their singledom instead of sulking through it.)
Relationship myth #4
You’ll “never” be able to forget your ex who just dumped you. (True, you’ll never be able to forget them as long as you continue to focus on them. But you have the option to shift your focus.)
Relationship myth #5
You fell in love “at first sight”. (There’s no such thing as “love at first sight”. There can be “attraction at first sight”, which may or may not turn into a real relationship.)
Relationship myth #6
If you look at someone and feel “This is it!”, it means this is it. (Girl – and I know you’re a girl – run home before you ruin your life! That’s all I can say. It’s compatibility – not whims – that makes relationships work. And when it comes to gauging it, nothing replaces a few years spent together.)
Relationship myth #7
If it’s not “forever” it’s not “love”. (It’s OK to let some things in your life remain perfect. Like memories of a relationship which didn’t culminate into the messy reality of a life together.)
Relationship myth #8
Your life would be so much better “if only” you weren’t in this wretched relationship. (Water the grass on your side to the best of your abilities before you start thinking that the other side is greener. It takes work – not “love and luck” – to make relationships work.)
Relationship myth #9
Being in love is a necessary condition for a successful marriage. (A successful marriage is about making the all-round partnership more value-adding than being alone, for both the partners. The value can be emotional, practical, social, financial or anything else. It can be – and often is – a combination of many of these factors.)
Relationship myth #10
Being in love is a sufficient condition for a successful marriage. (Well, listen to your mother. And read this: Why Marriages and Relationships are like Apples and Oranges (Part 1) & Why Marriages and Relationships are like Apples and Oranges (Part 2))
Photo by JanviSharmaRelationship myth #11
Everyone falls in love at least once. (Not everyone is sensitive enough to be able to fall in love. Many people spend their lives in “happy arrangements” called “marriages”. And that includes all marriages of convenience, including but not limited to those arranged by one’s parents. ;) )
Relationship myth #12
Compatibility is a necessary condition for falling in love. (Falling in love per se is a random, mad process. It has got nothing to do with marriage, relationship, stability etc. All these factors complicate it at a later stage.)
Relationship myth #13
Falling in love is a sufficient condition for compatibility. (OMG No! Again, read this: “When Should I Get Married?” 10 Questions I Wish I Had Asked Myself Before Getting Married – Part 1 & “When Should I Get Married?” 10 Questions I Wish I Had Asked Myself Before Getting Married – Part 2)
Relationship myth #14
You should get married before you let your relationship become “old” and “boring”. (Only if you’re comfortable taking the biggest decision of your life under the influence of addictive drugs. If you want a stable marriage, spend at least 2 years with each other before deciding to get married.)
Relationship myth #15
While marriage has many disadvantages, some of the biggest advantages are enjoying “true, lasting love”, lifelong romance and sex. (While these things form an important part of a marriage, that part is close to 0.5%. People get married because they crave sharing and companionship).
Relationship myth #16
The low divorce rates in India bear testimony to the fact that arranged marriages foster true compatibility. (It bears testimony to the fact that in India, breaking the bond of marriage – “love” or “arranged” – means a massive loss of face most would do anything to avoid.)
Relationship myth #17
Opposites attract. (As I’ve said many times, it’s compatibility which keeps people together. A certain degree of complementarity can increase compatibility, but extreme divergence – e.g. a firebrand liberal and a diehard conservative – rarely helps create a lasting partnership.)
Relationship myth #18
You’re feeling bored and same-old means you’re not in love with each other. (Boredom and same-old-ness in long term relationships are some of the surest signs of stability)
Relationship myth #19
A relationship is a bond between two people. (A relationship is a chemistry of two families. No, I’m not talking about only the typical Indian version where it’s literally so, but relationships of all forms. Your partner is to a great extent a product of their childhood and their upbringing. You have to understand their childhood and the people they spent it with in order to understand them.)
Relationship myth #20
Incessant fighting means “it’s not working”. (Incessant fighting signifies you still care for and fiercely love each other. It’s when fights stop that the end is near.)
Don’t agree with me? There’s one among the twenty which you’ve found to be true in your life? Bash away in the comments. I’m waiting. ;)
