Caste-the blade that has driven deep scars across hearts and lives.
Caste-the poison that has split families.
And caste-the knife that’s drilling into your soul every moment: “I’m an XYZ. But he/she is an ABC. Now what?”
Photo by Kjunstorm When I sat down to write this post about intercaste marriages and relationships I was really not sure what to write. I personally renounce castes completely and utterly, so I can’t write a “pros and cons” type of article on anything related to the caste system in India. It’s like trying to pen down the pros and cons of being racist against blacks. So I’ve decided to help people in intercaste relationships convince their parents of their decisions. Without taking more of your time, here goes.
Be prepared
Prepare yourself before you go in for The Discussion. Anticipate the concerns your parents might have regarding your intercaste marriage. Write them down one by one if possible. For example, they might fear adverse reaction from relatives, or they might believe that intercaste marriages don’t work or that children of intercaste marriages face problems. You must anticipate these and have counterarguments prepared.
Your parents will probably react emotionally when you first tell them that you want to get married to someone from a different caste. NEVER react back. Losing your cool is never an option if you’re hoping to convince anyone of anything. Calmly request them to articulate any specific concerns that they have. Use your preparation to talk the matter through with them at this point.
Evidence always works
Take time to research as many examples as possible of happy intercaste couples and unhappy same-caste couples among your friends and acquaintances. Use these while discussing your relationship with your parents. Try to pin down some reasons for the success or lack of it between these couples and explain how none of these reasons could be connected to caste.
Photo by Sara Björk Back to the basics
This point is a bit extreme, but it works because sometimes in our folly we’re unable to see what’s right in front of us.
Turn to history. Remind your parents why the caste system was originally started-for classifying people belonging to different professions. In today’s world this basic reasoning behind the caste system has zero significance since majority of the people belonging to different castes have not continued in their “caste-professions”. And so, caste as a way of categorizing people has lost basis. Do more research. Cite examples of people like Dr. Meghnad Saha who have proven the baselessness of caste lines by doing things totally outside the identity boxes they were “cast” in.
A helping hand
Turn to that cousin/uncle/bhaabi of yours, who’s always been your close friend and whose judgment your parents trust. Introduce your “him”/ “her” to them and then request them to bring the matter up with your parents.
Decision
Never, never, NEVER start the discussion of your relationship with your parents if you have even 0.01% of doubts yourself. If you go to discuss your possible intercaste marriage with your parents and come back convinced of its futility, the next day you’ll meet your boyfriend/girlfriend and regret your reaction. And then this cycle will continue until you lose confidence completely in your own ability to take decisions. It’s crucial for you, your parents and your significant other that you have absolute clarity about what you want.
Tried all the above methods but your parents just won’t budge? Try Help! My Parents are not Agreeing to My Marriage!
Good one…
Marriage is based on-
1. Openness
2. Sacrifice
3. Understanding
And LOVE has to be in the center of all the above three.
CASTE is baseless. The parents and elders need to understand this and stop honour killings in India.
hi all :) Im a Hindu girl…and Im in love with My Best friend…he is a catholic….My parents have always been against love marriage….i have no clue How Il convince Them…my parents are worried about the reaction from the society and My relatives….I love My Parents a lot…same Way i love My boyfriend also a lot….i cant imagine My life without him….im a very sensitive person….i fear My parents reaction towards My decision…i want To marry him with everyOne’s blessings…please help me… :(
Ofcourse caste is baseless. But communities are still not so broadminded. When u r in love your emotions are controlled by hormones. You will not be able to see the practicality of life. There is only one life and why to knowingly fill it with problems. Even if love marriage, postmarriage life will have problems that you will have to compromise understand and handle. If u r prepared to marry out of caste u should hv solid financial and emotional support and background without which you will be dumbed in life. Initially people will welcome you like you and be flexible with you. Over the time things will change. Ours is still male dominated society to some extent. Child will take fathers initials fathers caste by default. This is a society which says husbands home is ur home. U and ur husband may be united in marriage but ur both wont families will not. Even if ur families get along, your side relatives his side relatives will not mingle. Girls side relative circle will shrink. Male wont lose anything in intercaste marriage. He will say he will sacrifice. But if he sacrifices also everything will come back to him. But female will lose everything. Even relatives of Your husbands siblings spouses will be close to ur husband whereas ur own blood relatives will be like aliens to him and his family. This is the reality. Obviously you will lose ur voice. Things will be ok atleast until u and husband have no issues between u. Once it pops up u will be gone. Literally you will be dumbed in ur life. Blinded by love you will be ready to sacrifice everything. But till when. When u regret ur decision it will be too late. Either you will have to live a dumb wife or struggle entire life. All the best.
Hi Sriya,
Very well said and you have spoken about all the practical aspects. However, I felt that your views are a bit feminist. Let me inform you that my parents have done love marriage and both of them had stood out lots of testing times and have lost both of their relatives support equally. Its not always that the girl would be damned in life. I am not sure which part of the country you are from but the term male dominated society is not the trend anymore. Things have changed a lot.
I am a victim of loving a girl who is from a very orthodox and traditional family( Lets be frank…we are just giving it some positive adjectives here but what it actually means is uneducated and narrow minded should be the right one). I dont blame her, she is a very practical person, very caring and she did so much for me that I still feel very lucky to have hear in my life for 4 years. I have struggled a lot for her and got a job and worked on many things personally all for her. However, she gave up on me for her parents and she didnt even give it a thought what I would be going through. I am very happy to see the girl above who is in love and is thinking on how to win both the parties.
Girls have a lot of role to play when it comes to love marriage. They need to make decisions on their own, avoid listening to too many people around them and stop giving the name ‘Love’ for not being able to face their parents. Its actually fear. They need to be courageous and need to think about the guy and not only her own well being after marriage. The guy is equally into it as the girl so please do not discriminate. Even we have a heart and we get hurt and when we get abandoned there is no one to feel sorry for us unlike girls who would always find someone or the other or even a new husband and once he is in their lives, they just forget everything about the poor chap. I sometimes feel betrayed, used and lost in my own thoughts…trust me, the pain of separation is very painful. If the guy and the girl have decided to get separated due to their own personal issues, its completely fine but to get separated and thereby hurting the person who has trusted you and have given his heart for the sake of your father and mother’s sake who are just bothered about what the society will say is not worth it.
Thanks,
Kalyan
You said it bro… I am now losing my girl.. The pain is simply unbearable.. cant even imagine a life without her. Thanks for your support buddy..
Very Well Said KALYAN !!
Truely said mate! I am a girl belonging to a conpletely narrow-minded family, with the extended family who are just bothered about the family reputation. I love this incredibly nice boy who deserves only good things in life. We have caste issues (me being a rajpoot and he being a brahmin). We both are into decent carrers. I have not yet talked about us with my parents and I am hell afraid to do the same. All day and night I just think of making things work between both the parties.
Society has made it so difficult for parents to diffrentiate between right anr wrong. I want to convince them actuwlly by making them understand that it is not my adamancy about this guy but the genuineness of the relationship we have created since four years amd my belief that we would maintain the same till we die.
Anything anyone can suggest is mosy welcome.
hi…priya….simple thing tht ,,,I am a breakup so ,I feel it feelings morely about parents and boy friend ,,,this is my own thinking words to u to manage …..tht,,,, taught to parents about ur bf very janitically ,,step by move on …thn one particular day u should invite to ur parents in very decent and morely taught to parents ….tht parents liked the boys because of positive mind….person…so u should understand ,thn keep move on ur life.. (kannan.kansan@gmail.com)….(fb I’d. kannan eeshwar)…9171866008
Hi,
Im anu 26yrs..im a sc my bf lingayat, v r in relation frm two yrs..he says me he loves me but he cant marry itseems bcoz of caste..how shd i convince him..he is a govt emply n im stil studyg Mtech.
I want to marry him n i love him lot..plz giv solution of dis..bcoz of my caste he is not marryg me hw shd i convince.
Don’t worry u will marry with the person u want.Explain him the caste does not matter if he really loves u.
Christians behave good, but life with them is not good, think once
how can u b so biased??!!!..its upon the individual..not someone who in hindu , christian or muslim, whatever!!.please get that right friend.,and please for your own sake change this type of wrong notions.
hi,
Is he financially sound??
Hii priya… ashwin here even same problem happnin with me. I started loving my friend. Want to propose her and i know she won’t say no. But she is a Catholic cast. So I also dont understand what to do now. My parants wll also not going to accept her.
and now I dont understand what to do.
can u help me to come out wd dis problem.
Hey.. Priya..
You said that is a same condition of my GF.
she love me alot and i love her 2.. but she is not able to say
anything to parent’s.. what should i do?
is there any other way?
I think tht u should talk with her parents…
They’ll be convinced by u and ur gf both…
After u convinced them they’ll think of their daughter means ur gf…
I think u must try this may God bless ur couple…
Hi.. dear.
I simply tell you be prepare n den make a list of the things you wanna tell ur mom n dad.
simply get a good ocassion or time when u r with ur mom n dad. tell them papa or mummy i wanna say you something n which needs you.
just be confident in the bf. make a list of good things in ur bf.
if you trust urself n your bf
den do it yar..
tell ur mom n dad. i always done what you say n i always respected ur decisions today i want to say you somthing whatever your decision is i will accept warmly and act accordinly.
atleast if your mom n dad say no tell them ok no prob.. i accept your decision but for me can u meet him once. just convence them for it..
n i promise 99% your problem will be solved.
Hi Priya, b4 u go talk to ur parents regarding ur lovelife, make sure u come up wid d best reason y ur boyfrnd
same situation here :)
only difference is that i’m a christian and my girlfriend is a hindu.
convincing parents is a damn big job which i am still trying to achieve :(
Hello Priya ,
I understand your pain and difficulties you are going through I have been through the same but you need to make a choice between your parents who have loved you since childhood and a your Bf whom you know since 3-4 or some more years .
Your parents have sacrificed a lot for you now its your turn you can marry your guy with out your parents without there consent but just imagine how will your parents face their relatives and the pain they will go through .
You can talk to your parents try to convince them if they get convinced best of luck ,
You are the best judge,
Regards
hey sister sare problem ka ek hi solution he shadi pehle karke lo aur jab parents koi ladka ya ladki dekhenge tumhare liye to bata deneka ki hamne pehlehi shadi ki he. iska ye fayda he ki tumhare parents tumhare pati par police case nahi bana sakti. aur tumhe dabaw me bhi nahi la sakte tumhare parents.
True, but to make understand this to parents is very difficult task.
Even they take us wrong and said many wrong things. Its like we Indians are still living in slavery, because we are unable to take our own decision specially marriages. Very sad
I too feel the same, my time my effort everything for making my parents agree. i dono when parents chnge and try to think practically and broadmindedly
Hi:)..Am a brahmin girl of 24..am n reltn for d past 4 yrs wit my bf ho belongs 2 sc…ts tym 4 fr me nd mah bf to present dis s n frnt f our prnts…bt der r r lot f pbms nd pls do help me aftr reading dis…
Wen i was n 9th i hd a crush nd smetn mre dan dat wit a guy frm mah school…for abt a mnth v wer in kind f a reltn…bt mah prnts came to knw…nd t turnd out to b a big pbm…bt i wos not sers or aware abt d consequences coz f mah age…wen i was n 12th my bst frnd proposed me nd donno how i accptd aftr tnkng fr a month…v wer dng lil bit deep n our reltn…dat too mah prnts came to knw…d pbms wer devastating…mah fthr got sme hrt pbms nd ol aftr dat…i understood dey r nvr gonna agree…and d guy wos cnvncd by his prnts nd so he chngd out his mind….deraftr i also decided not to fall n love…bt in colg…my senr hom i was soo frndly wit fell n love wit me…i was strng wit dat i wont love him bak…bt witin mnths i understood i too was falling for him…nd v r n reltn fr d past 4 yrs…he s frm sc caste…he s sure his prnts vl agree…bt am damn afraid to present dis n mah home…wot vl mah prtns tnk f me being n reltn for d third tym wit a third guy…my bf also knws abt mah pst…bt d pbm s he doesnt wnt his prtns to knw abt mah past…nd my family vil nvr agree fr mah marriage nd dey may tell abt mah past n due course f d discussn wit his prnts…so cnt tnk f dat too…nd i am cncrnd abt mah fathers hlth too…am hvng a yngr brother in 10th whose life may also get destroyed coz f me..i knw i cnt liv witot mah bf…wot vl i do? hlp me plss…
My parents r hvng r hvng a very very bad impression on sc caste…even dey consider dem as dalits..my grandma s also strong n caste matters…dis big diff f caste adds to mah pbms…if smetng hpns to mah fthr am sure my mother will suicide for sure coz she had already warned me f dat…how can i present dis at home?
Hi Kaveri,
You talk to your boyfriend on how you are going to solve the problem. Though the problem is in your home, since you both are into it, involve him in solving the issue. That will give both of you a lot of confidence and will build trust on eachother. Go to his place and see how their parents are receiving you. Every parent in india are a bit reluctant for love marriages but be good to them and give them time to take you in. You do all this much before marriage. Plan on how you guys are going to progress in terms of career, where you are going to settle and how you are going to take care of your parents and younger brother. Be practical and plan for the future for yourself, your bf and your parents. If you are happy with him just go ahead and dont fall for these emotional traps, you ll end up nowhere.
Regards,
Kalyan
Very well said yar… we all are suffering!
Thanks. that was really helpful
MY BF BELONGS 2 A BRAMHIN COMMUNITY AN IM A KSHTRIYA.THIS CASTE SYSTEM IS CAUSING A HUGE PROBLEM IN OUR RELATHIONSHIP.WE LOVE EACH OTHER A LOT AN UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER SO WEL BUT DUE TO THIS WE ARE ON D VERGE OF SEPARATION WE CANT FIND A WAY OUT TO THIS.PLEASE HELP US.
She Its My Request To You That Don’t Marry Any Other Guy Than This Brahmin Guy…Its Your Life Don’t Let These Cast People Spoil Your Life….Just tell me one thing that u marry a guy as per ur caste and that guy doesn’t understand you
and u are not happy with him and so do ur parents then will these caste people come to rescue you and ur family???????Just tell this to ur parents (with some good jewelleries for ur mom and a nice suit for ur dad) and let them get convinced and open their eyes……if still they dont convince run away and marry i will definitely come to witness………all the best.
Ha ha ha ha .. exactly my point Puspaketu… thanks for dropping in.. :)
i need ur help.i am from
jamnagar,Gujarat.studing in rajkot.i
love a girl whom i met in a
marriage of my cousin.she was as a
guest of my cousin’s younger sis.her
name is bharti.she is from
junagadh.we both are studing in a
same town(rajkot).we both are from
same caste.we just know each other
just by name,no frndship nothing i
didn’t have her number also.i
sent her request on fb and she accepted it also but she never see my messages.after marriage i went to her college to meet her we both talked there for 5-7 mins but i failed to ask her contact number.she talked to me nicely there.but dont wat happened she unfriended me now.and tomorow is her last exam after this she will leave the town her study will get over. pls tell me wat should i do next.thinking of her i cannot sleep at night.almost all the day i think
her.it’s first time all this happning
to me.i think i should go and meet
her tommorow again but have dont know wat happenes y she unfriended me and also have fear that she will like me or not.she is in last sem of college and sem is also going to end very soon and then she might
not come to college again as
studies will be complete.i don’t
know wat to do….pls help me
Same thing happened in my life… my husband is an christian.. I am a pure Malayali… My parents didnt accept my marriage.. I came out of my home.. Now too i am facing lots of probs bcos of dis caste….
Why are you still facing problem Shalini?
Hi..I am a tamil Latin Christian who is in a relationship with a malayali marthoma guy.i am even older to him by eight months. We are on a relationship past five years and now the scene is at its climax . Things are going okay with my parents but not for his…they are telling him that just coz of our this relationship. ..his siblings will be affected and I shall never be accepted in his family. ..it would be a curse if we continue things. ..we both are strong. ..but family matters. .age and caste..these two things were decided by god before I was born…what shall I do now???please advise
Plz help me .I m jainage27. And my bf is sindhi age27 .his family is welcoming me.bt my parents r nt ready for my marriage..boy family is ready..but my parents said tht they ll creat a lot of problm to the boy n to his family if I ll marry him..what r the solution to over come such problms?
see shalini if u have done marriage allready without prior permission by ur parents den
1) u should b stuck with ur own good view/opinion about all dis intercaste marriage.
2)u should be very confident dat whatever u have did dat is all legal and goverment approved.
3) and jst for all dis problem if u r in trouble den jst leave all dis problem aside nd try to become more authorise person prepare for dat nd den u can show ur strongness in front of ur parents nd ur society too.
4) still if ur parents not agree with ur good strengthness nd skills den i am sorry to say……it’s all bullshit.
leave it no one is urs for ur goodness.
be happy inur life with ur happy husband.
and every morning jst for 1 min pray to god for ur parentd.
all d best….hv a great future ahead.
can u please describe the scenario.? as Im also going to practice the same thing :)
lol well said but thats not easy
Hi, i’ve tried all these ways to convince my parents. But still they are not convinced with me (may be just because they think i’m still immatured) well i’m 23yrs old and working in a big MNC from 3yrs. The guy whom i luv is my colleague n is a very known person to my entire family. They were all happy with him till when i introduced him as my friend. But when i told abt our love to my parents, they started opposing just because he is of other caste. Pls suggest me what i can do in this case. We both luv eachother so much n i’m 100% sure that he is my perfect soulmate
Same with me .. happened yesterday .. Im a boy,
my parents agreed.. but her parents are scared of community… I can only see we are getting closer to a breakup in which there is no mistake of boy and girl..
Root cause is FEAR in parents for community .. Try to uproot it… and success ll be urs …
Thanks for your encouraging words Raj.
Sometimes, you really have a to make hard choices. Life is too short for obsessing about anything but happiness. And that’s you’ll eventually have to choose for yourself. Check this: Help! My parents are not agreeing to my marriage!
Hi Kalpana,
You are very lucky to find a guy who loves you and you love him in turn equally. Dont lose him. The main problem with us indians is, we are too emotional and parents play this card on us inorder to convince us. If you want to have their acceptance, just stand on your word that you are not going to marry anyother guy apart from him. Even if they bring any proposals for you, outrightly reject them. In this meantime you would get to know the true character of your bf. You would see how committed is he towards you. Will he be able to stand the test of time, you ll come to know. Best of luck.
Regards,
Kalyan
Google ” love commando, India”. This group provides counseling and protection for couples who are getting married out caste.
Thanks for this article. People should ignore these types of baseless things like caste-system. They are nothing but curses to our life, our conscience and our integrity.
Some Indians: “Pl Chant Gaytri Mantra and believe on yourself you will aquire your solumate.” … lolz…
thanks
Hello,
Could sme1 shed some light on whether a devaga+iyer match isc considered as intercaste? Bcz I read that devang is also brahmin nly..
I am a Kshatriya guy & my girlfriend is Sudra.We are in love from past 3 yrs.We both informed the same to our respective parents.From her side there are no issue.But My parents are not OK with this marriage . They(My parents) are forcing me to marry another girl but i want to marry My girl.They(My parents) are thinking if i will do so the there will be kalank for next 14 generation & they(My parents) won’t have any face to show in society. Finally they will suicide.I am totally confused as neither I can leave my girlfriend nor I can marry another girl. Now I am getting scared about our future.Plzzzz help us…
my bf is brahim and i m baniyaaa. but my parents wont agree to our relationship. we cant live without each other.i cant go against my parents. how will i convence them.plz help us. no one in my family support us.
my bf belongs to brahim and i belongs to baniyaaa. but my parents wont agree to our relationship. we cant live without each other.i cant go against my parents. how will i convence them.plz help us. no one in my family support us.
Hi Sulagna,
I’m a 19 year old Hindu Maharashtrian girl, and my boyfriend is a South Indian Christian. We love each other deeply but my parents, who had a love marriage themselves, are refusing to understand. They’ve made it clear to me that they’ll not allow me to get married to a catholic guy. My parents are old. My mom also has diabetes and blood pressure problems, so I can’t even talk to her openly about my relationship, ’cause whenever this topic comes up my parents blame me for my mom’s health.
What should I do? Please help me.
Hi XYZ,
Your situation is unfortunately quite common in India.
However, you have a few things going for you. #1 is the fact that your parents had a love marriage, which means deep down, they’re people with a heart.
Most parents at the end of the day don’t want anything other than their children’s happiness. Keeping that in mind, there are a few things you can do:
#1: Are you, or your partner, financially independent? If not, don’t discuss the marriage question with your parents right now, unless they bring it up. If they do, or if either of you are independent and ready (from a practical point of view) to take your relationship to the next level…
#2: Talk to your father. Tell him you’re as concerned about your mother’s health as he is, that you love and trust your parents and you believe that they have your best interests at heart. Mention that, for this reason, you don’t want to take any decision of your life without their approval. Offer to explain your situation to him. If he agrees (most likely he will) try to explain how unhappy you’d be if you’re married to someone you don’t love. In this regard, you can also mention that you believe your parents understand the importance of true relationships in a family, which is the reason they decided to choose their respective partner on their own.
#3: Try to explain objectively WHY you feel a connection with him – maybe he’s caring, may be you guys have a lot of common career interests, may be you have the same beliefs of right and wrong! Be very clear to your parents, that you don’t believe that a person’s religious faith determines whether they’re a good person or not. Stress the fact that you find in him what you’d like in your life partner.
#4: Offer to arrange a meeting between your boyfriend and your parents. Emphasize the fact that you cannot have done such a grave mistake in choosing your potential life partner – guarantee that they’ll like him.
Hope that helps. Do try my FREE unlimited anonymous counseling if you like.
To the supreme success of your relationship,
Sulagna
Hi sulagna…
Im a muslim guy age 26 and i love a girl she is hindu. we love both for a past 12 years now we both ready to marry and for parents permission but in both side they are opposing our love. i ned that girl but she is thinking that she wont leave me and her parents… still im in confusion she is telling to marry me to other girl. but i know she is not happy to say this but her family situation she leaving me but i need her at any cost and her father is heart patent she is caring and thinking for her fathers health whatcan i do pls tell a good answer for me bcoz i love her lot how to convince both side and marry that girl pls help me…. im in lot of confusion…
Try this:Help! My Parents are not Agreeing to My Marriage!
And let me know what you think.
Hi friend ,
Ok Have you meet your girlfriend family try to meet them 1st & ask them 4 wht reason they are telling no…they might tell you abt Caste converting or abt your family status…just meet them as a frndly meeting 1st Introduce your self keep your open mind thinking to them…& after that you go to your family & tell them that this are the condition & we can solve it in our way other thing , In every or any caste Girl side is always delicate so you have to be cool & calm.. It might be your family is saying that no the girl should completely converted…so 1st at any cost meet her girls family 1st
best of luck my frnd
Thank u for ur advice.But now my age is not even 21 so dat i can speak to them about my relation with my bf and many a tymz i get caught by my parents and they start blackmailing me emotionally and my father is a politician so my mom is worried about the society what people will think about my dad so she takes stress and her sugar increases. what to do in these situation?? plz help…
Hey XYZ,
I’m so relieved that you’re not even 21 and that you’re not being forced to get married to someone chosen by your parents! :)
XYZ, I’m sure you believe that caste and religion don’t define people. So do I.
A few observations.
First, I’m think your parents are not as hostile as you think – for example they’ve not tried to use their political clout to break-up your relationship. Instead, they’re trying to convince you to come out of it. This shows that deep down they care for you.
Appeal to their parental emotions. Tell them that you deeply believe that castes and religions don’t determine whether a person is good or bad, or whether they’re compatible with you.
The second issue is a more tricky one, namely that of your father’s image getting affected by your relationship. You can try and convince your parents of what you and I think is right, but you have no control over the preferences of the general public. And if your father feels compelled to support their beliefs you can’t blame him. The best you can do in this regard is to try and avoid getting caught for the time being!
You have to think long-term, XYZ. There is no short-term solution to your problem.
Your life is defined by your beliefs, not those of your parents’. I’d urge you to avoid the mistake millions of Indian girls make everyday – that of losing trust in your own abilities to create the life of your choice.
However, you need to first take full responsibility for yourself, before you can start asserting your rights. And that includes self-sufficiency, starting with financial independence.
Like I mentioned in my last response, financial self-sufficiency is crucial to the success of your relationship (or any relationship). Since you’re still very young and probably a student, I’d suggest don’t worry about marriage too much right now. Concentrate on two things – One, create a solid foundation for a rewarding career, both for yourself and your boyfriend. Two, for the time being, avoid getting caught by your parents! If they tell you to stay away from your boyfriend you don’t need to argue with them right now, because it’s pointless.
Invest in your relationship, build your career, and take (earn) your decision when you’re ready.
All the best, and let me know how things pan out.
thank u so much….
hi,
i am 23 yr old hindu reddy village girl an upper class and my bf is 23yrs adi dravidar middle class.we are in true love for five yrs.i love my parents and grandparents very much.they wont agree for my marriage,they always think high of our caste and also they fear for loss of respect in the society.since it is a village its still more difficult to shut peoples mouth.i dont want to hurt my parents &also i dont want to loose my love.he is my perfectman.we r not financially indepent also.they are searching groom for me. plz help me work out.
Hi Am a Brahmin girl and My guy is from a scheduled Caste (SC). My parents have a very bad opinion about this caste and they are not even ready to sit and listen what i want to convey. Am the only daughter and have no siblings due to which am not even able to hurt them more by being stubborn. My dad tells that he’ll die if i marry him. Please let me know what can be done.
Hello XYZ.
Yours is a problem encountered by many a young people even in today’s India.
Try this – Don’t mention anything about your boyfriend. Just ask them why they’re against people from SC background? Ask for a rational explanation.
They’ll most likely not give you any explanation, saying people belonging to lower castes are not the right kind of people. If that happens, you can further tell them – there are zillions of evil people in the country – some belonging to lower castes, and some belonging to higher ones. Ask them what is particular about the evilness of the people from lower castes which can have a causal connection with their caste.
If they do try to give any rational explanation of why people belonging to lower castes are bad people – explain to them the basis of castes and how that is entirely irrelevant today. Go back to this article for details.
I’m just giving you examples of how the discussion might shape up. Whichever direction it finally takes – the key is to have a purely rational discussion with your parents about castes, using ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but cold, hard logic. NEVER let emotions or your personal matters enter this discussion, even if your parents try to make it personal and emotional. If one sticks to 100% rational arguments and NOTHING else, it’s impossible to support caste-based categorization of people – as I’m sure you know. The ideal outcome here is to guide your parents towards that direction.
Of course you can’t change their point of view in one day. It will take A LOT of time and patience, if at all.
Don’t lose heart – I know of loads of people whose parents were against their intercaste relationship but had to accept their decision eventually.
If nothing works don’t be afraid to announce that you’re not going to get married to anyone other than your boyfriend. Going by your email id – you’re established and should be able to support your decision as long as it takes.
As an undesirable last resort – you can call the Love Commandos at 09313784375 – they’re a voluntary organization providing support to intercaste couples. You can check out their website here or connect with them on Facebook.
All the best and do let me know how it goes.
thanks for so many useful suggestions. i am a bengali guy and my soulmate is a Girl from UP (baniyaa). My family has no problems in accepting her as my lifepartner. But i know her parents wnt even listen to us, also she is afraid of her family. Please make me a way out.
Hey Samrat,
Thanks for commenting. :)
Congratulations for having at least one of the families – that is, yours – fully on your side. :)
Like I always say – tell her to ask her parents – what is marriage? Isn’t it the lifelong bond of love between two people? Let’s assume she accedes to her parents demands, refrain from this marriage and eventually marry someone of her parents’ choice. But her parents would know that she’s mentally committed to you, right? So whenever she gets married to this hypothetical guy of her parents’ choice, she’ll be cheating on her husband from day 1, won’t she? ’Cause she’s already in love with someone, and hence if she marries anyone else, the act itself will be tantamount to cheating on them. Simple!
Do her parents want that? I’m sure not.
She needs to stress the point that she doesn’t want to be a cheating wife, even at a mental and emotional level. That’s why she doesn’t want to marry anyone other than the one she’s already so deeply in love with. There’s no middle path.
If nothing works, consider making a choice between making her family happy and making yourselves happy. I assume all parents take their children’s happiness as their #1 priority, but if they seem not to, children need to take care of their own happiness themselves. If her parents’ “honour” (or whatever they associate with marrying in – caste/race) is more important to them than their daughter’s happiness, I think their daughter will not be unjustified in choosing her own happiness over her parents’ honour.
Let me know how it goes. All the best. :)
thnks…helped me
I’m glad Gaurav. You made my day. :)
Hi,
So I’m from London, UK. I’ve fallen for a girl in India and need some advice…
The girl in question is my best friends cousin. I went for his wedding recently, met her and things just happened. She feels very strongly for me too, so it’s not a one way street.
Now, to make things clear, my parents have no problem with intercaste marriages, maybe as we’re brought up in the UK they are more liberal. However the girl in question, her parents will have an issue for sure.
On top of that, I’m 25, she is 20, and I obviously live in the UK (She’s in Mumbai). She is Marwari, and I am a Gujarati.
I have already met her parents at the wedding, and I know they really like me as a person.
On top of this, I fit in well with the family in the sense that my whole family is vegetarian like theirs, and we are quite spiritual. I also have a great job in Investment Banking in London, am a homeowner as well, so in terms of finances there is no problem either.
However, the girl recently tested the water with her dad, and asked what would happen if she liked a guy from another caste. Now her father didn’t even respond, gave her a stern look and didn’t say anything at all.
i didn’t want to progress without my friends blessing, so we talked to him about it a few days back. Although he personally had no objection to it, his main concern was that the girls parents would not approve definitely because of inter caste. Furthermore, he was scared that if he said anything to the girls parents it would cause major problems in his family and for him.
This made the girl quite scared and she doesn’t know what to do. I think her last throw of the dice is to speak to her elder sister (who had an in caste arranged marriage)…
I told my girl that I don’t want her to cause any problems, and I only want her happiness so do what she thinks best.
However I am crazy about her, and have no idea what to do. Caste age and distance are the main issues, although I think age and distance won’t come into it. It’s only the caste thing.
If you could give any advice that would be much appreciated.
Regards.
Hey! You know what? When I was 20, my husband was 25 too. ;)
It’s great to know that even in a very traditional context (as apparent from your descriptions), the two of you are trying to defy the unfortunate custom of caste-based marriages.
A couple of observations here:
1. From what you’ve mentioned, I understand that your girlfriend has mentioned the possibility of an inter-caste marriage to her parents, without mentioning you in particular. Her parents, however, like you as a person. At the risk of sounding stereotyping, I’d also like to point out the fact that you’re excellent marriage material from the point of view of a traditional Marwari family (no offence meant). From these facts, what emerges as a possible step forward is informing the girl’s parents that it’s you she’s talking about – not just another guy from a different caste. This can be done through her elder sister.
2. You both seem to be quite young for marriage, both by Indian and international standards! ;) Are you sure you want to think about it right now instead of taking it a bit slow – like maintaining a long distance relationship for a year at least? (difficult I know, but less risky than marrying someone you’ve known for less than a year) There are many many more aspects to compatibility than religious beliefs, food habits and financial bandwidth. They start with mentality, personality types and values, and end with – no one knows what! My husband and I were very new into our relationship when we got married, and that entailed a nerve-wracking process of figuring each other out afterwards, when we already had something called responsibility which only marriage brings. Like you, I’d also calculated the monthly take-homes and loan EMIs. And like many newbies, I’d also left out those elephants in the room I just mentioned.
Think about it.
I’d stop before you assume I’m my mother, and do let me know how else I can help you.
Hey, thanks so much for your speedy reply.
You”re first point, yes I think this is probably going to be the step forward. However let’s assume that her elder sister speaks to the parents and they are against it – Should I then step in and try to speak them personally…? Or is that a big no-no.
Your second point – absolutely true. We are definitely not looking to get married right away. If approval goes ahead, then we are looking at some point in 2014, after she finishes university etc. So there’s no rush on that front. However we both figured that there is no point waiting until that point in time, and then for things to go horribly wrong. At least this way we would get some indication of things and whether it would be acceptable. We haven’t known each other that long, although I do very much know she is the one.
In terms of marriage compatibility, to be honest I think we’re perfect. Her personality and everything about her complements mine in a perfect way, and it sounds silly or like a cliche, but I feel like I’ve know her for years.
I’ve been preparing for marriage for a while, good job, settled, own apartment, all the other things that you need to do, it was just a case of finding the right girl.
Now that I have found her, it’s a major pain that things are so complicated!
Hey BL,
It’s really really heartening to know that even today there exist youngsters like you and your girlfriend who believe in things like love at first sight and finding your half. Kudos and my heartiest wishes for a long and happy married life (make no mistake, you’ll have it. If you believe in yourself and your love.:))
Now, on the question of whether you should talk – probably a better option would be to let your friend talk to them before you try yourself. And what about your parents talking to them? I think being the traditional family that they are, they’d prefer it if your parents approach them first. In any case the fact that you’re a very eligible bachelor fulfilling all their other criteria, needs to be stressed again and again.
I wouldn’t say your talking to them shouldn’t be considered at all. But I’d say try to get a few other relatives/friends of her parents to talk to them first – that’ll prepare the ground before you can approach it yourself.
Does that help a little? Let me know.
Hi,
This is sruthi.. I am a malayali girl.. I am in love with a guy who is a tamilian.. We love each other a lot.. His parents agreed.. My mom is.ok.with it.. But my dad is a very stubborn person.. My guy is working in US.. i am a software engg working in Chennai.. He s very welk settked.. He is 29 now and i am 25..
He come and spoke to my dad about his love for me and getting married.. My dad s emotionally threatening me now.. We cant live without each other.. Please hekp us out.. My dad is not even speaking to me.. He s asking my mom to convince me.. Hut we
Hey Shruti,
Thanks for commenting.
Congratulations for having two very important parties in on your decision – his family and your mother. Trust me, if one parent is convinced, the other can’t be too difficult to convert. ;)
Coming to the point – like I’ve always mentioned everywhere in my posts – the first step is dialogue.
Ask your father – what is marriage? Isn’t it the lifelong bond of love between two people? Let’s assume you accede to what he’s saying, refrain from this marriage and eventually marry someone of your parents’ choice. But your parents know you’re deeply in love with your boyfriend, right? So whenever you get married to this hypothetical guy of your parents’ choice, you’ll be cheating on your husband from day 1, won’t you? ’cause all your life you’ll be in love with your boyfriend (I assume ;)), and hence if you marry anyone else you’ll be cheating on them. Simple!
Does your father want that? I’m sure not.
If you can’t talk about all this with him, try to have a chat with your mother on this. Stress the point that you don’t want to be a cheating wife, even at a mental and emotional level. That’s why you don’t want to marry anyone other than the one you’re already so deeply in love with. There’s no middle path.
If nothing works, consider making a choice between making your father happy and making yourself happy. I assume all parents take their children’s happiness as their #1 priority, but if they seem not to, children need to take care of their own happiness themselves.
Let me know how it goes. All the best. :)
hi,
i am sc girl by caste and my boy friend is gujrati jain. we are in relationship since 2 years. since 5 6 months he is trying to convince his mom. but she is against an intercaste marraiage that to with a SC girl. he tried 6 7 times but failed to convince her. now we are about to separate. i dnt know what to do now.
The first question I ask in such cases – is either of you financially independent?
If yes, read my answer to Shruthi’s comment above and XYZ’s comment much above that.
If no, you need to patiently work to become independent – at least one of you. As long as you’re financially dependent on ANYONE (in this case it’s his/your parents) you HAVE TO act as they choose. It’s a sad fact of life.
As soon as you’re financially independent, follow the route I’ve suggested to XYZ – try to reason with them with them using cold, hard logic, ’cause the first option always is to convince them instead of doing something without their consent, ’cause they’re your parents.
The second option – if the first fails – is of course going ahead and getting married and starting to live separately from them. If your boyfriend is not emotionally/practically prepared for that, he needs to choose his priorities at that point of time. He needs to choose whether you’re more important to him than his parents’ temporary displeasure. Now the good news – why I called their displeasure temporary – this method works in 100% of cases. I know many intercaste couples who’ve gone ahead, got married and started living separately from their parents, and not in ONE case the parents have refused to accept their decision even after a year. :)
So rest assured – it’s almost certain that his parents will accept your decision at some point of time – if he shows the courage to stand by it.
Good luck!
Hi,I tried many ways to convince my parents.But they are not accepting.They are telling always one strong reason low cast.I dnt know hwat to do.Can anyone suggest me.Please helm me.
Try this: Help! My Parents are not Agreeing to My Marriage!
hi I am in love with one guy from 2008. I am Hindu he is christian. he is a good and well known person in my home as my friend.. in my home we use to go church and temples also bcox my uncle brother and my sisters all studied from christian school and Clg we have such habit of going church. now me and my bf decided to marry. he is having one elder brother I have 1younger sister. me and my bf are bit scared to talk in home about our love. and don’t know how to start about this love bcox he is christian I am Hindu. we love each other more than that we both have good understanding. I can tel as mutual understanding with adjusting capacity. he treats my parents as his own and I too have a good care on his parents (but in his home they don’t know about me). if our marriage is happening it wil be in church, I don’t have any problem but I wish after finishing in church need to go temple also. not compulsory I told him he said ok I will do that for ur wish and ur parents happiness. but my parents won’t come for temple. but I will come with u and ur parents. so in everything we have good adjustment. Pls suggest me wt to do.? what are the possibilities to get marry him.
hi,
i am from aryavysya and my boy friend from reddy’s. we are in love from 2 years. he have 26 years and i have 24 years. our(my and his) parents are not like for inter cast marriage. But we are unable to live with out each other. Our parents don’t want our feelings they prefer only the relatives and neighbors response. They always thought that if we did this what is the next position of our family in society only thats why they did not agree. His parents are also thought the same thing and also they want dowry and good background also but our parents are unable to provide that. How can we convince them please tell me. We want to marry with those blessings only otherwise we want to wait until they agree.
Hey Shrivalli,
Here’s a post I wrote specifically for you. See if it helps – http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
very encouraging article…thanx for ur concern
need help :(
Hey Chaitanya. You can write at sulagna@loveinindia.co.in
Hi,
I am a brahmin guy in love with a gowda girl. we have been in love with each other for a year. my parents are fine with it but her family is not.she recently confided in her siblings about this and they were not at all happy being of our generation. they spoke all crap and rubbish about her character saying that she doesn’t care about her parents and destroyed her emotionally. they forced her to tell her parents about me too and as expected her parents disagreed and under pressure she told them that she wont marry me. now my parents have agreed to talk to her parents but her family is very stubborn about the caste and my parents are confused too as to how to go about this. i know that if her parents ask her to marry me she will be the happiest person in the world. she has told me that and my parents have to do all the talking and she wont say even a word about this as she feels that if her family was open to considering her words they would have agreed to this. please guide me as to what should be my next step as even i am confused on how to go about this. my parents are willing to talk but dont know how to go about it.
Hmm. Very pertinent question KK.
I don’t believe in castes, but going by convention, you belong to a so-called “higher caste”, then why do the girl’s parents have a problem?
The way forward for you is to ask them that question directly. You can’t let your parents talk to your would-be in-laws unless the in-laws are willing to talk – simply because this would be a humiliating step for your parents.
But, if you talk, no such concerns are involved. They are old enough to be your parents – your honour will not be hurt even if you force your way into their house and talk to them.
Be very humble and polite. Ask them simply what their concerns are regarding this marriage. Tell them, “You’re like my parents. My parents love me as much as you love your children. I’ve requested them to talk to you and they’ve obliged. As their child it’s my responsibility to protect their honour in this regard. It’s my humble request that you talk to them with an open mind.”
See how this works.
ATB
I am Priya , a Hindu and my bf is a Christian who is the best physically mentally emotionally and practically. Its a common problem that my parents have caste issue and moreover they are illiterate but my papa has good name in society for his generosity and intelligence and always treated like a head in settling disputes for all in my relatives and my relatives are so close to us that we live like joint family and loves me so much and always respects me well for I am the only educated lady and treats me like their kid in their family and I am elder one from all my cousins and what they feel is as a wrong step and if I do I don’t say a word to speak against them if they commit any mistakes they wanted me to be a role model for their children and to them..I have so my factors to pen down but I cannot do it here..need some advice on this on how to approach my parents as well to convince my relatives
Hi,
I m in love with a person who is one year younger than to me for 5 months….it started as a marriage proposal…we both doin postgraduation in medicine in same college….first we both hoped tat there will no problem from both sides…later his father not accepted rejecting me without even seeing me due to different caste….he s convincing me to wait for 3 years….but my family members not accepting seeing my age as I m growing older enough to get married….but we love each other….I don know how to make him to get permission from his parents
Maya, you can’t always eat the cake and have it too.
You’re a future DOCTOR for God’s sake! Do you know how many helpless young girls out there are struggling to get their parents’ approval of their boyfriend, but are failing because they’re not financially independent? If you don’t, just go through the comments on this thread.
If nothing works, the choice is simple – choose what makes you happy.
Check this: Help! My parents are not agreeing to my marriage!
hi, m a 25 year old brahmin girl in luv wid a shetty guy…v both r wel setled in our jobs and are financially strong to get married..our relationship is 8years old.. initially when my parents came to know about it there was this whole emotional blackmailing and tension..so i & my guy decided to leav the matter till we r financially strong.. now that v r my parents have a problem with it.. they have started searching for proposals. neither me and my guy want to give up each other. i dont know how to approach my parents. its impossible to lead a life without him.
You have to make a very careful choice Chara. It’s not about choosing your boyfriend over your parents or vice versa, but your own happiness over either of the two.
Check this: Help! My parents are not agreeing to my marriage!
It sums up everything I’ve got to say on this topic.
Hi am a christian girl aged 24 and am working in a top MNC.I am in love with my collegue who is a hindu aged 27..Initially both of our familes strongly opposed our relation.but now his family is somewhat ok with our marriage but only in presence of my parents.My parents are not at all agreeing.Now a days he is saying he cant do register marriage and all and the marriage will happen only my parents agree.I dont know what to do.I am going through tough situations.I cant forget him or lose him.What will i do ..please help
Riya, there are two issues here.
1. Your commitment and its challenges: Check this – The 5 Main Challenges of an Inter-Religious Marriage and How to Overcome Them
2. Overcoming resistance from your parents: First off, starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-religious marriage was not a good idea. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your boyfriend to impress your parents the right way so that there resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents
Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
Let me know how things go.
All the best! :)
Thanks for your reply.Things are even more worst now.He is saying he doent see any ways to make this marriage happen and he is telling me to do sacrifice and marry some one as per my parents wish.I feel very bad and i dont know what to do.I will be very happy if he and my parents understand me.I feel very lonely now.
Hi I’m a 23 year old Vaishya girl working for an MNC and my soulmate is from SC caste also working for an MNC. I have been in love with him since the past 2 and half years way back from my college days. He has an elder and a younger sister, his elder sister’s marriage is fixed. And he is sure that his parents would accept for our marriage if my parents accept. My parents have started searching a match for me and I had to tell them about my love before his elder sister’s marriage. Now only because of the caste my parents are refusing for our marriage. They are very stubborn and also aged with diabetics and BP. They very concerned about their what the society and our relatives will talk of them if they accept for our marriage. They are even emotionally blackmailing me that if I go against them and say that I would marry only him, they would kill themselves without telling the reason to anyone and that I can marry him. He is not in a position to about our love to his parents because he is scared that his sister’s marriage would be affected and his parents are already worried about his sister’s marriage. We seriously can live without eachother and my parents are really very stubborn. I dont know how to convince them I cant even imagine my life without him and feel it meaningless without his presence. Please Help mee pleaseeee
However, starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-religious marriage was not a good idea. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your boyfriend to impress your parents the right way so that their resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents (I don’t know if they can meet, given the different countries, but they can talk over the phone and chat on video maybe?)
Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
Let me tell you something Swathi – you can’t always have it all. Life is all about making conscious choices. By making a choice maybe you’ll give up something for something else, but you’d take back control of your life in the process. That’s what the article you’ve commented on is all about.
And emotional blackmailing? You really think you’re being fair to yourself when you give in to such distasteful tactics used by your parents against not a random guy on the street but their own child? I believe it’s every son or daughter’s duty to give their parents utmost importance in their lives, ’cause our parents are the only ones who’d love us selflessly and put our happiness above everything else. But not if that assumption isn’t true. Your parents clearly don’t value your happiness much. If they did they wouldn’t act in the unfortunate way their acting. Since it’s clear that they’re not hesitant to ruin your life just to have their way, don’t be hesitant to choose your life over their happiness. Please. You owe yourself this much.
Let me know what you decided. All the best. :)
All the best! :)
hi, i am pure lingayath and full orthodex family .i am in love with one guy .he is also hindu but devanga’s (non-veg) for me he left non-veg .he loves me a lot and me too. we are working at wipro and ibm . from past 3 years we are loving each other . we understand both very well . we spoke with our parents. no one family is supporting for us.please help us
Starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-caste marriage was not a good idea Sanjana. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your boyfriend as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your boyfriend to impress your parents the right way so that their resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s Parents (I don’t know if they can meet, given the different countries, but they can talk over the phone and chat on video maybe?)
Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
Let me tell you something Pooja – you can’t always have it all. Life is all about making conscious choices. By making a choice maybe you’ll give up something for something else, but you’d take back control of your life in the process. That’s what the article you’ve commented on is all about.
And emotional blackmailing? You really think you’re being fair to yourself when you give in to such distasteful tactics used by your parents against not a random guy on the street but their own child? I believe it’s every son or daughter’s duty to give their parents utmost importance in their lives, ’cause our parents are the only ones who’d love us selflessly and put our happiness above everything else. But not if that assumption isn’t true. Your parents clearly don’t value your happiness much. If they did they wouldn’t act in the unfortunate way their acting. Since it’s clear that they’re not hesitant to ruin your life just to have their way, don’t be hesitant to choose your life over their happiness. Please. You owe yourself this much.
Let me know what you decided. All the best. :)
Every soul is a divine potential, u cant discriminate a soul,Blows are what awaken us and help to break the dream, hope one day everyone would stand up with wide open eyes against this discrimination,and i wish one day there will b one caste “human”and it will happen itself ..like an hydrostatic paradox..MY Question is for loveinindia _ is it was a blow which provokes you to help inter-caste relationships or some other reason ?? _____________________________regards
Could you clarify a bit more? Thanks for chiming in. :)
Hi,
I am a maharashtrian Brahmin girl and I am dating a marwari guy since almost an year. My parents are highly educated and well off . But his family is not on similar lines. The family background not being good is a major cause of disagreement to my dad and he is not agreeing for the marriage. He asks me to state the education degree and what each member in the family does . He only has his mom as he recently lost his dad and sister both.i am sure I shall be happy with him .. Plz help
Listen Priyanka, I’m firebrand when it comes to advocating choosing one’s life over one’s parents. But in this case, I’m not sure I’d recommend that.
Your parents seem very reasonable going by the fact that they have not rejected the idea of you getting married to this guy outright. I can’t deny that the concerns they have raised can become actual deal-breakers when you face the reality of a shared everyday life with your boyfriend.
A person, especially in a culture like India, is almost entirely a product of his family. You can’t think of him in isolation to them. Even if he’s come a long way from them in his life, make no mistake – there will be influences.
Am I saying marriages across social strata cannot work? Not at all. But your relationship really is too young to knwo if the two of you are ready to look past your differences in the long run. I would strongly suggest you spend at least two more years with this guy before taking a decision on whether the two of you are compatible. Make sure you meet his family and spend time with them too, and not just once but many times.
Here are my thoughts on marriage-readiness. Do go through them for further guidance:
Why Marriages and Relationships are like Apples and Oranges (Part 1)
Why Marriages and Relationships are like Apples and Oranges (Part 2)
10 Questions I Wish I Had Asked Myself Before Getting Married – Part 1
10 Questions I Wish I Had Asked Myself Before Getting Married – Part 2
All the best. :)
Hi,
My bf is jaat and i am from north east. The boy family is totally against our marriage and they are searching girl for him to get married. We love each other a lot and in a relationship for last 7 years and cant think of getting separated. I am totally helpless n cant understand what to do..plz help me by giving your precious suggestion to convince his parent…..i will be very thank full to you
AM, given the particulars, it seems to be quite a serious situation.
Starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-caste marriage was not a good idea R. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your partner as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get your boyfriend to make you meet his parents and work at impressing his parents the right way so that their resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s/Boyfriend’s Parents (I don’t know if they can meet thought)
Also try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
Let me tell you something R – you can’t always have it all. Life is all about making conscious choices. By making a choice maybe you’ll give up something for something else, but you’d take back control of your life in the process. I believe it’s every son or daughter’s duty to give their parents utmost importance in their lives, ’cause our parents are the only ones who’d love us selflessly and put our happiness above everything else. But not if that assumption isn’t true. His parents clearly don’t value his happiness much. If they did they wouldn’t act in the unfortunate way they’re acting. Since it’s clear that they’re not hesitant to ruin his life just to have their way, he doesn’t need to feel guilty about choosing his life over their happiness. Both of you owe yourselves this much.
If the situation is even more serious than I assume, you can contact the Love Commandos. You can call them at any time (24X7) on 09313784375. They’re a voluntary organization which helps young couples get married in case their families are against them. It even provides them temporary shelter, legal advice etc. When you contact them they’d tell the two of you to meet one of their commandos at a pre-planned location and you can get married soon with their assistance, safely away from your families.
Let me know what you decided. All the best. :)
hi frnds please help me out.i belong to SC caste and i love a punjabi general caste girl so deeply.she is also in love with me now after a strong relationship of 4 years ,we are on the edge of breaking up our relation due to caste factor .but i can’t see her go through my life.my parents have no problems but she is so scared of her parents that they will killl him or do something wrong else.what should i do frnds. i told her that we have 2 or 3 years still to marriage so wait for good time but she is just hopeless now .help me please
Deepak, given the particulars, it seems to be quite a serious situation.
Starting the discussion with your parents with the proposal for an inter-caste marriage will NOT be a good idea. In situations where you expect resistance from your parents, you should ideally introduce your partner as a friend to your parents, at least a year before your probable marriage date. If you have some time on hand (a few years before your marriage), try to get introduced to her parents as a friend and work at impressing them the right way so that their resistance goes down, at least to some extent: How to Impress your Girlfriend’s/Boyfriend’s Parents
Also tell your gf to try this for some general ideas on negotiating with parents: How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage. And if that doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take a more direct approach: What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
Let me tell you something Deepak – you can’t always have it all. Life is all about making conscious choices. By making a choice maybe you’ll give up something for something else, but you’d take back control of your life in the process. I believe it’s every son or daughter’s duty to give their parents utmost importance in their lives, ’cause our parents are the only ones who’d love us selflessly and put our happiness above everything else. But not if that assumption isn’t true. Her parents clearly don’t value her happiness much. If they did they wouldn’t act in the unfortunate way they’re acting. Since it’s clear that they’re not hesitant to ruin her life just to have their way, she doesn’t need to feel guilty about choosing her life over their happiness. Both of you owe yourselves this much.
If the situation is even more serious than I assume, you can contact the Love Commandos. You can call them at any time (24X7) on 09313784375. They’re a voluntary organization which helps young couples get married in case their families are against them. It even provides them temporary shelter, legal advice etc. When you contact them they’d tell the two of you to meet one of their commandos at a pre-planned location and you can get married soon with their assistance, safely away from your families.
Let me know what you decided. All the best. :)
thanks loviinindia but the i will try my best and if i need i will give a call to love commandos thank you so much.. i am going to meet her on 4 june after that i will tell you what happpen.
Sure Deepak…I pray for your success with all my heart.
I really feel like I literally can’t live any longer without her. What to do? :(
I’ve written extensively about this topic. I’m sure you’ve read it. Here are all my articles in case you’ve missed any of them:
How to Convince your Parents for a Love Marriage – 6 Steps
Challenges of Intercaste Relationships and How to Handle Them
Impress your Girlfriend’s/Boyfriend’s Parents Before Discussing Marriage
What to do When Your Parents Just WON’T Agree to Your Marriage.
Let me reiterate – you have no responsibility towards people who actively try to make your life miserable by forcing you to marry a random person. First comes your own happiness, then anyone else’s.
Do let me know how things go.
All the best.
we quiet dear.now we break up.but i still love her so much.my life is over.i can’t think about my future without her.
Deepak, everyday I get at least twenty mails from people like you, struggling to protect their rights against parental pressures. I feel so powerless every time one more of you give up. I’m sad to know you had to, even though I’m sure you had your reasons. As I always say, there’s no way of wishing away reality. Now that you have made a decision, you need to do everythin in your power to be happy with it. Here: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-forget-someone/
All the best dear. Stay strong.
hi m nw 20 years of age n m hindu bt i luv a guy who is christian hez mom lyks me so mch bt my mom dad r against dis….my dad is politician so my mom nly thinks bout society wat da people will think…and so she takes tension n shez havin high sugar and high bp prob…n so my dad n my sis blames me for her condition…..i luv my mom dad bt i luv him lso so mch n i cnt sacrifice my luv for dis stupid reason coz i knw we ol r one n i dnt bliv in caste system….n weneva i meet him i meet widout askin my mom and i lways lie dem dat i dnt tok wid him nymre bt dey lways catch me i dnt ndrstnd how dey cum to knw bout us……for nw v hav decided to jst tel dem we dnt tok till we r setteled in gud way…n our career is gud….bt nw lso 2 to 3 days bfr my mom cme to knw dat i mate him… i dnt knw how coz i had tld dem dat i ws in clg bt ftr 2 days she tld me y did u mate him n she falled sick so i lied her dat past 3 months we hav nt spoke wid each othr nw how will i handle dis situation plz hlp me plz….m very much frustrated….frst my bf dad would nt lyk me n once he had coled my mom n told bout our affair so smtymz i feel he nly might b tellin my mom bt my bf says no he doesnt so i dnt ndrstnd how my mom cums to knw plz hlp me n tell me soln fr dis prob…plz rpl as soon
Riddhi,
1. You’re very young to be married. Please, don’t think about marriage right now. You’re in a relationship that’s great. But you can continue to lie low for at least a few more years.
2. No one will die/commit suicide because of you. I can guarantee you that.
We’ve all heard those anecdotes of parents locking their daughter up in the home for stopping her from contacting her boyfriend, and getting her married off forcibly.
Almost everyday some honour killing (killing of couples for daring to marry against family’s wishes) incident or the other is reported in the newspapers.
Newspaper reports of young couples committing suicide over parental disapproval of their relationships also keep coming at a steady rate.
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-02-23/vadodara/31090180_1_suicide-goods-train-couple
http://www.indianexpress.com/news/runaway-couple-in-suicide-pact/1120788/
http://zeenews.india.com/news/uttar-pradesh/couple-commit-suicide-by-jumping-before-train-in-up_850521.html
Tell me, how many incidences of parents committing suicide over children’s marriages have you heard of?
I can tell you – zero. That’s because they don’t happen. Blackmailing children out of marrying someone they love is the most heinous act of betrayal and oppression a parent can cause a child. I strongly believe such an act nullifies any responsibility a child has towards their parents. That’s because by committing such an act your parent has made it clear that your happiness matters little to them, and their “honour in the society” matters much more.
I can give you 100% guarantee your parents will neither die nor commit suicide because of your choice of partner. You are NOT responsible for their frail health. That’s the first thing you need to understand here.
3. As for convincing your parents, I understand it’s a tricky situation. I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
I hope you’ve known your partner for long enough to take a good decision on marriage. Do check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
Hey, I have gotten into a strange problem. I want a girl – not only my from my cast but also my cousin – who wants a boy not only from our cast but also our cousin, who wants a girl from another cast (his all problems are same and aren’t solvable without Love Commandos). I do not want to force my cousin to marry me but if her (loved) cousin is successful in his plans then she is certainly mine. Parents know nothing what’s going on. But how do you see this catch-22 is going towards? By your reply, you will help 04 souls (and many to come thereafter).
Vikram, I think you’d better write to sulagna@loveinindia.co.in
Hi…i m manisha 23yrs old belong frm brahim,hindu religion Persuing my Post graduation Frm new Delhi and i m in a relationship with my boyfrnd frm past 7yrs and he is christain. He Is 29yrs Old And well settled having his own Business. Evenyone in my and in his family know about our Relationship. His family has accepted me bt My mom and dad are nt Ready for our marriage. Although My Mom And Dad are Frank with me Bt When Its Come To intercaste/religion Marriage They R Very Strict With This Issue. My mom keep saying me That forget him coz if u marry Him then everyone in Our society,our relatives will make fun Of them..my mom Keep saying that our reputation Will go down..pls help me out as i have been frustrated with all This..dnt know what To do..pls help me out.
Manisha, the more you try to conform to others’ standards, the more they’ll ridicule you for falling short. The moment you acknowledge openly and proudly that you’re not trying to follow their standards, they’d know there’s no more fun in trying to ridicule you because you won’t feel bad about it. This is true in every sphere of life, in every context.
It’s the same with these relatives of yours whose wagging tongues your parents are afraid of.
Do you believe in castes? I’m sure you don’t.
Do your parents believe in castes? I think their love for you is more than their concern about castes – it seems the reason they’re not happy with your bf is NOT his caste per se, but the problem your relatives are likely to have with his caste.
This is your chance Manisha. If you’ve read any of the 100s of comments on this one and other related posts you’d know how fortunate you are to have parents who have at least as much sympathy for you as they have. Boost their courage Manisha. Inspire them with the truth. Tell your mother to look any nosy relative straight in the eye and say with a smile, “Yes, Manisha is going to marry the guy she’s in relationship with. And yes, he is Christian.” No one will dare ask her further questions, I guarantee you that much. Read the first part of this comment to know why.
You have to put all your convincing power to use Manisha. This is not going to be easy for your family. You need to be by their side. Their concerns are not baseless. Yes, they will have to face unnecessary questions from a lot of people. Your job is NOT to earn the approval of those people, but to make them understand that their opinions about your life are truly irrelevant to you and your family.
Here are a few articles I have written about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own.
Do write back if you have any more queries. :)
All the best.
Hi,
I am a Indian girl 30 yrs old working in USA. I was in love initially with my school friend and when told about it to my parents, they did not agree stating that his character is not good and I listened to them and he is not married and settled. I was recovering and in between I found a guy at my workplace very smart, intelligent, same frequency and principles as mine and when he proposed I said yes to him. Now I took this to my parents and sisters, but they are not ready to agree, because they feel my/and their dignity and identity will be spoiled including their grand kids and family, so they are not agreeing for it and trying to convince me. But I am confident that I love this person and he has been waiting for me for past 4 years, his parents are ready for marriage and he is now 33. Please help me on how to convince my parents and sisters about my second proposal of my choice.
I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. HEre are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes you happy – neither what makes yoru mother happy, nor what makes your boyfriend happy.
You’re an independent woman. That should make things easier for you. Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
hi, m a hindu maharashtrian girl n i love a guy who is christian…v luv each other so much and hez parents alot…bt my parents are totally against dis…for nw v both hav decided to make our career very good and try to b financially strong bt my mom lways cums to knw dat v meet n den my parents react worse to it and dis tym my dad hav given me last warning o lse he said dat he will nt make me study and liv me to village coz my father is politician so my mom is worried about prestige…so she is also havin high sugar and bp prob…i cnt liv widout him at ol and i lso cnt hurt my parents….now my age is 20 and he is 21 so we still hav 2 to 3 years wid us bt m worried dat if my parents will ndrstnd again dey will tke me far away frm him forever….plz help m really worried….
I think I’ve already replied to your comment which you left in june Riddhi. really sorry for the delay. Hope I could help.
hi
im a b.tech student in andhra pradesh,
my girlfriend is my junior and she loves me so much
i have 2 years to complete my b.tech and my gf says that she will mary me if their parents accept our love,i can convence my parents im sure about it, but how to convence her parents,
we have a inter-cast problem,and im ecnomically poor than her,but both of us are O.C,
im very tensed that il get a job or not after 2yrs,
how to convence my girlfriend’s parents ,
please help me
i cannot be rich overnight,
i cannot change my cast
but please tell me how to convence my girlfriend’s parents
she is soo afraid of them thashe cannot even introduce me as her friend to them,
her parents are too strict
please help me
Reddy, if you cannot stand by what you believe no one else can do it foryou. Of course her parents will create trouble. You have to make a conscious decision to handle it – instead of wishing that it will magically go away. You can either think of it this way: “I can’t get married unless my parents approve of it.” Or this: “It’ll be really unfortunate if my parents don’t approve of my marriage when I do it. I’ll try my best to help them be happy for me.”
Choose your happiness first Reddy, and theirs only second..
While castes may not be real, differences in financial strata and upbringing might, because we as people are shaped by our culture and upbringing. Check this to help you with the marriage decision: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
So far as her parents are concerned, first try this:http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
As for convincing them, I have written a lot about this topic. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. Your girlfriend needs to understand that at the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
hi,Love in India, m a hindu maharashtrian gal,n m 20 years of age…..i luv a guy who is christian and he is 21 now…. his parents like me but my parents are totally against dis….so for now we have decided to hide our relationship from my parents and i meet him widout knowin to my mom….bt i dnt knw how many of da tymz my mom cum to knw bout us n dendey start emotionally blackmailing me…dey say if u will decide to go wid him den we wil do suicide and lso my mother has sugar and bp prob so dey even blame me for dis….m really in a critical situation….for now i said my parents dat we dnt tok at ol and i hav forgot him…. coz i hav no other option instead of lyin…n i hav fade of ol dis lie….we both have decided to make ourseves financially very strong den tok to my parents bout us…..plz help me how will i stop gettin caught again n again n how will i convince my parents dat ol humans are one and religion n ol is rubbish…plz help
Replied already Riddhi.
Hi… I’m a cristian boy and i’m in love with a hindu girl. We loved for 2 years and after the first year i came up to know that she is my friend sister. And now she is sacred about him that i’m her bro’s friend. And she is saying that this will not going to work for us. And i cann’t loose my girl and also i cann’t loos my friend also. The main problem is the caste. And her cousin sister is in our side and she is the only person known about our relation and i’m 20 year and she is 17 year’s old. I love her so… Much i cann’t live with out her. Now main problem is How to present my love afire to my friend that i’m loving his sister? Any idea?
An interfaith relationship is always a challenge, esp in India. Try this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/inter-religious-marriage/
As for convincing your parents, I understand it’s a tricky situation, especially given that your relationship is inter-religious. I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
I hope you’ve known your partner for long enough to take a good decision on marriage. Do check this: http://www.loveinindia.co.in/4-golden-rules-successful-marriage/
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
Dear Sulagna,
I’ve read couple of your post and have admired your advice to so many people; hence I too wish to ask you for the same. I’m 27 year old Roman Catholic (goan) girl, dating a Gujarati Jain boy. We’ve been in a relationship for almost 2 years now and I want to take the next step leading to marriage. However here is where the problem lies, there are so many complications I request your patience and kind hearted advice.
1. We both are not financially well off, we come from a middle class background and at this point of time cannot afford a separate house (non rental)
2. He is a pure vegetarian and I am a pure non vegetarian (if such a term exists)
3. We both are not willing to convert (religious beliefs)
4. While my mom likes him, there is an absolute NO for me at his house.
5. Finally, I wish the kids to be raised in a catholic manner, as having the kids follow 2 religions can lead to a lot of confusion.
Although that summarizes the jist of my problems please also let me explain a bit about us. He is an amazing guy, he doesn’t possess a horrible temper, he’s not abusive in any way possible, he’s kind, understanding, humble, charitable, most of all he has lots of patience with me, in many ways I should say he’s really quite perfect. He has not asked me to change my religion; he doesn’t mind the kids being catholic (however hasn’t informed his family yet, about the kids part) and he’s really accepting towards my family. I’m quite moody, possessive and hot tempered. But in spite of this I do have my fare share of good qualities as well. The reason I’ve told you this is cause he really does take good care of me and I’m scared I won’t find anyone as good as him in case it ends with us.
Now the umpteen problems that arise are as follows: since we are not financially stable we cannot afford our own house, and I absolute cannot stay with his family, also he comes from a joint family which comprises of his unmarried aunt and uncle. Besides the many other problems they will never accept me in the house as I eat non veg.
I have 2 married sisters and my dad passed away couple of years back, hence after marriage I wish to keep my mom with me, he is not ok with this as his parents might not like it, since he will be leaving them too. However the way I see it is that either of his parent is not alone.
When it comes to raising the children sometimes it might sound far-fetched to think on such long terms but if u take something as small as, in schools in India catholic children attend religion class and non catholic go to moral science, I don’t want our kids being confused and having no religious foundation. At home we can always teach the kids to respect all religions, but certain decisions however difficult must be made. Hence I feel it’s a must to decide before hand about all these aspects before taking the plunge. This whole religion, finances, kids and family thing is really getting to me now and I’m really unhappy.
He has also told me if everyone is not happy let’s not go ahead with it, I don’t want to only accuse him of being negative, I too have very often decided to end it myself. I cannot put it all in words but we’ve both had a very difficult childhood financially, now at this stage personally I’m quite settled, I want someone who can give me financial and emotional security. I know I’m ending my email on a very negative note, but I really wish your unbiased advice.
Many thanks for your help.
Thanks for writing Abree… I’ll get back to you a separate post/email. And we Bengalis are pure non-vegetarians too, if such a term exists! ;)
Still awaiting your reply…
i am a BC community gal and my boy friend is SC community, we are in love for 3 yrs. He is my college mate, so i knew very well about his family,friends,character… now he s working in a MNC with good package. we both love each other very truly, my parents are afraid for society to accept my love. i need some help how to convince my parents… pls help me out…
I have written a lot about the topic of convincing parents. You’ve read this article. Here are some more:
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/convince-parents-love-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/help-my-parents-are-not-agreeing-to-my-marriage/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/5-tips-to-handle-intercaste-relationships/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/how-to-impress-girlfriends-parents/
http://www.loveinindia.co.in/moving-out-of-home/
Read the above posts. You’d get some ideas. At the end of the day your life is your own. You have to choose what makes YOU happy – neither what makes your parents happy, nor what makes your partner happy.
In your case you have something very important going for you. You’re financially secure. Make a choice and stand by it.
Do write back if you have any more queries after reading the articles. :)
All the best.
Thank god does all these given by a lady really ??
After reading the article & the way you replied to the many of questions i feel like my day has got completed now @ 1:30 AM of mid night….
you replies are my most views against relationships….
happy to know that there are persons like me in the world….
you are one of luckiest among most to have such a {supportive} husband too…(most of Husbands don’t allow to do all these counselling to others,they just highlight themselves)
some how I dint have any questions to ask you because i am single yet…& just got your article while browsing..I may refer the same again in future :)
I heart fully appreciate Both of you for the above
is your area of guidance covered any other fields of LIFE like motivation,human values,or any other things that a guy of 25 year old should know??
if so please let me know (A humble request)..Mam
Thanks so much for your appreciation Vamsi. It’s 5:40 am, and your comment was the best way I could’ve started my day. :)
Well I do write about motivation, self-improvement etc. as well, but currently I’m focusing on the relationships field only. Going forward, let’s see, may be you’ll start seeing such posts here itself some day. :)
Me 2 facing the same situation. what should I do now. No one from my family is supporting me. His parents are with us but my parents are not understanding anything instead they are continuously blaming and torturing me to leave him coz If I won’t there(my parents) status will go down and everybody will laugh at them. I don’t see any negative in my bf, he is good and settled with his family, job and all. We can’t leave without them and really scared for our future. I am not able to understand why my parents are not supporting me. If they really wants my happiness they would have at least meet him once, at least would have talked and they should make any decision for my life. But instead they don’t even want to listen to his name/job etc. Every day either my father/mother/brother call me to give a length lecture and make me feel very bad by saying because of you mother/father help is getting bad. What should I do now, the only difference b/w families is that we are intercast.He(my bf) loves me too much he can’t do anything I know with me and same with me also :(. I am really very frustrated with all this. I have to concentrate on my job and my future of what is going to happen now :'(
Hi I am vysha I want to marry a gril who belongs to half reddy and half Christian because her mother father marriage was intercast it is a big problem now that 3 cast will mix if a marrie that girl, my parents are not accepting for that .Please give me a solution for this
i am a brahmin girl and d guy i love is sunar. m pursuing my masters and he is preparing fr civil sevices. i can’t speak a word abt our relationship rytnow. but all the tym m suffering frm a fear that if my parents ‘ll refuse that what ‘ll i do. i love my family a lot and i really dnt want dat ‘ll face any problem in society and relatives just because of me. m really very scared about my relationshp. and many tymz i hav stoppd taking to him just bcoz f d same reason.
what should i do. m also tensd abt my family and i also love him a lot….
Hi All,
I am a 25 year old gen caste girl and BF is a yadav boy.He lost his father in his childhood so he has been brought up by his mother only.And now his mother is not agree for inter caste marriage.But there is no problem from my end.My parents are saying that they will arrange our marriage only if his mother is ready.he is trying to persuade his mother from past 1 year.Now my parents are also pressurizing me. They can not wait so long for his mother approval.they have given a month time to me.After that i will have to answer them.We both will marry if our family are happy.My eldest brother also had a love marriage and living a happy life with we all.please suggest some suggestion for my bf how he can convince his mother.He has 3 sister and 1 brother.All are married.No one is agree in his family.His mother is saying that his sisters life will be hell if he marry with another cast girl.Please suggest some way.
HI Deepa,
Same case with mine now, u guys lucky that ur BF have elder brother to take care of his mon, we can’t convince old generation(parents).so better to Run n marry, No other go. everyting gonna be alrite once u couple get a baby.
Regards
Naveen.A
Hello, I have a big problem, three years ago i fall in love with indian boy. We both stays in Uk. All the time we was very happy together, until his father offered him to marry family friends daughter. My bf scared to tell about our relationship and he said he will speak by phone with that girl. Now they parents did some proposal agreement. My bf now understand that he did mistake and want to stay with me, but scare to say for his parents. Plzz who can give advice how to say his parents? He scare to say because he respects his father very much, but he is crying in front of me and saying that he dont want to marry that girl. He wants to go back in india and reject that proposal, but i think it is not possible? Plz u indian people say when is too late reject and when not too late? I spoke with that girl by phone but she dont want to hear anything, always she is saying that my bf belongs to her, she even dont understand that we staying together and that he will never in love her. But my bf scare to agree for her that i m saying true. Plz help me
Hi
I’m a north Indian Muslim girl and my love is a Gujarati Hindu guy.
We are in a relationship for last 3.5 yrs. I have always been brought up in a cosmopolitan environment. My dad always taught me how to be secular. Never forced me for anything. Today I’m an open person and I respect all religions. But for me humanity is the main religion. I’m proud of who I am today and these teachings have been given to me by my parents. In initial phase of our relationship it was always a fear that his family won’t agree. It was never a cakewalk and I won’t say that it was easy to convince his parents . It took time but with fruitful results. Today his family loves me a lot. As far as my family and the way I was brought up and the way my father used to say that beta I want u to have a love marriage, choose it partner irrespective of anything so I never thought it will be a prob at my end.
But ever since I disclosed it at my place things changed.. within few days. I see my parents have turned rigid. They stopped talking to me. After lot of tears and convincing they agreed to meet my bf. But their answer before and after dint change. That we are Muslims and nikaah is not legal unless both our Muslims. Other option is court marriage. They said clearly that we won’t come in your way but we won’t support you. You can do what you want but you will be cut off from the whole family. This happened about 4 months back. We both respect our parents and we immensely love our families. We never wanted to go against them. And stil not. Our intentions are really pure. We told my parents that we won’t do anything until they agree. But now my parents are pressurising me for marriage and I told them that I can’t marry anyone else. I tried forgetting him but I can’t. This boy took a stand for me and has been waiting for me. But my parents don’t get that I don’t wanna hurt anyone. I love them a lot and same time I love him too. I know you can’t have it all. But there must be someway to convince them.. I saw so much change in them after they got to know about my relationship. They are all the time talking Islam and how proud Muslims they are and impose practices on us which they never did before.
At present they have given me a week’s time to decide what I want. To choose bw them and him. How can they think its so easy. If I choose them he will be hurt il be unhappy and maybe if they forcefully marry me somewhere that guy wil also be unhappy. If I choose him then from what I know my parents I know they will never forgiv me. People say ki give time, sab parents maan jaate hain.. but I know they are not those. My dad has gone without talking to me for 5 months for a silly mistake and misunderstanding. So they won’t and if they won’t then also I won’t be happy to be with him.
I have just 3 days left. Pls help me. I am going crazy thinking day night just one thing. Pls..
Hey, I totally empathize with you. I am from a Brahmin family which is educated and has a liberal outlook. They have never stopped me from doing anything I really want to do. I studied well, got a post graduate degree in the USA and I am going to start working in a great company starting next month. I met my boyfriend, (who is not a brahmin) sometime after I finished undergrad and we have been together for close to 3 years. After we both got good high paying jobs I decided to tell my parents. My father, who was so close to me started screaming at me over the phone and said lots of horrible things.
I am in the same state. I know it is hard for them to accept it but I believe we should just stick through. It is not about choosing them or your boyfriend. I hope you chose yourself. You obviously cannot cut contact with family because most of us derive our emotional strength from family. All the same you cant leave your boyfriend; Have an honest conversation with them and I am sure they would give in.
Let me know what happens…
hi I have read ur blog..
hi,i hav too long to write..i have bf since 5 yrs..v deeply love each other wana marry soon..bt problem is I am jain and he is panchal..his parents are too loving dey agreed..infact I love his fly mre den him..i wana marry him..wana b part of his fly…though problem is wid my parents..i have three sisters..first hv done arrange marriage and other two have done kove marriage…nd once I hav caught by mom 3 yrs back…bt aftr my collge has competed..they don’t allow me to go anywhere out since last 1 year..they doubt lot on me…so I hav stop going anywhere..even I hav lost many frnz as I cnt keep contact or cant meet dem..my bf undrstn me..instead of nt meeting him since last 2 yrs properly…he still wid me…we met once in two three months for 5-10 mins…I dunno hw to fight with parents to let me live my life before marriage atleast..I m frustrated with my this type of life…I love them lot…so I cnt speak up any wrong thing against them…they afraid that I too will do love marriage…then what image wl b lft of them in society…plz hlp me
Hii even I am going through a similar situation. I am a jain marwari and the guy I love is non jain and even not a marwari… andmy family is totally against. Its been a year now and they still are not agreeing for our marriage. They fear the social standing in the family and society we belong to and keep on saying i will bring nothing but shame on the entire family and will never be happy because of this. Theres a lot of emphasis on society and community life… They even cite various examples about love marriages not being successful or ending in messy divorces and such things. I am emotionally torn in between now. Either I have to leave the guy or leave my parents who will cut off all ties with me… This way I leave the emotional security I have known.. I am so scared. Just not understanding what should I do.. please help…
i am in a relationship for past 4 years now…i belong to a bhramin family while my bf is a punjabi and he is a manglik as well…we both are 23 now n are working in renound MNC’s . everythn was perfect untill last year when suddenly a issue came up at his place…a cousin of his decided to marry a guy of her choice who was a chaudhry by cast. a lot of hungama took place. he was all stressed all this time. the cousins parents tried to convince the girl by all means but she was adamant to marry the guy. finally her parents broke all relations with her and the girl had a court marriage with the guy. now this incident caused a havoc in our lives coz the parents of my bf started taking this exmple evrytym when he indirectly wanted to say that there is nothn bad about love marriage..telling him how bad the girl did to family n its respect. he decided to end our relationship but sumhow we both are so attached he tried a lot but we were not able to end our relation evry tym he said its over after a month or few weeks we were back again this happened 8 to 9 times since last year and it has ruined our relation a lot moreover he is workin in mumbai n m in delhi although our hometown is same due to these tensions we r not able to even meet up since last yr being our first jobs he is taking thngs too seriously and has stopped giving time to me saying he keeps busy…..meanwhile he tried to indirectly talk to his family but they are adamant now that they do not even want to thnk abt his marriage atlest for 6 yrs they give him examples of love marriages in there relations that dint respect there elders it has all the more complicated my guy n he says that we can not be together at all…we dont want go aginst the parents wish as well we want to convince them but my guy says that his parents will never agree he wants me as his wife but not on the cost of ruining a relationship with the family n i also wish the same……i cant wait until 6 yrs or so coz my family will ask reasons for such a long wait and also my family is searching for a well to do well settled guy however we both have been in job for 6 mnths or so this is our frst job moreover because of all this running in my guys head he is often irritated and has stopped giving time to me and our relationship since last 1 yr…now its all messed up….please help how shud i convince my guy…how shud we proceed with the family stuff…we really love each other please help us..
Hi
pls help me
I and my girlfriend love each other ,we really want to marry but we both are of other caste
I am konkani marathi she is khandeshi marathi.
There is no issue from my familly but her family belives marriage in caste.
My girlfriend is afraid that if her parents come to know about our love they will not agree to our love and or they will harm me or themselves .
So we had decided to breakup but we really want to marry but afraid
she fills that her parents may even harm her
so i am also afraid to take a step
pls help me with my problem with positive result
Thanks
HI ,
Yesterday same happened with my case, i’m Gowda n my girl S.C. and they are upper class n i’m middle class. Both well educated .There parents aggree to marry but my mom din’t aggree. inface she commited suicied , god grace she is fine. by seeing all there there parents don’t wanted to send her daughter to my home, for further issues. can any one advice me what next .?
I m bengoli brahmin boy & my gf is maharashtrian Kshatriya girl.. my parents nt accepting her bcoz she is non bengoli.. they want bengoli girl as their daughter in law. she is 21 & i m 27. even they get angry after listening her name. we love each other v. much.. i can run away n marry wid her but my dad has heart problem i cant do dis, he ll get hurted v much , may be his health get down. plz help me i cant leave her & also my parents..
Hii..i am a 20 yr old gal(jaat) and my lover is 25yr old(pandit)..we love each other since 3 yrs..now my lover’s parents are getting gal for him..and are fixing marriage..he convince them a lot..i am crying so muchh..and he become ill too..what can we do to save our love.we cant live without each other and dont want to go against.parents but his parents are not ready for intercast marriage..even i didnt talk anything about us at my home..bt right now his parents are fixing his marriage..what can i do pls help me asap..pls god help us
am in love wit a girl of my profession since last ten yrs , v r from diff caste. V both love each other, told our parents abt our love n approached for marriage also. First al hungama happened in both families n rejected. My girl convinced her parents n de wan me to get my family to dem for talk. My parents r not ready cos of my sister , her marriage ll be in next few months. her parents r not ready to wait any more as de gave one yr tym to me. My parents r not ready to come wit me. Pls tel me wat shud i do.
Hello Maam, Iam a 25 year old gal(Non brahmin) in love with a brahmin guy of same age. We both are loving each other from past 3 years.He comes from a lower middle class family and his family is very orthodox. His parents are not much educated and his father was not in a good job position too. My parents are well educated and they both are working. Iam from upper middle class family. We have not yet informed our parents about our relationship. Because we thought we need to set few things before going ahead and telling them about our decision.Firstly, when we met we had just started with our career, since we faced lot of trouble with career it took us finally 3 years to settle down with a good job and an average good salary.We thought we should be well settled with our jobs before we talk about our marriage to parents.We faced lot of troubles in making our career. Apart from that he had loans to clear and his educational loan too. So we thought if he clears some of his loans then we will be free to take decision since his parents are financially dependent on him and as his brother.So along with settling our career we started fixing his debts too. We succeeded also to some extent even though not much or as we planned. His family is now planning to get his brother married off. But we are not sure how long they will take to do it since he is just 1 year elder to us.We wanted to show our parents that we are matured enough by doing all these things. But while doing all these things and trying to achieve our career and financial goals we have strained our relationship(with lot of fights and misunderstandings). And he has less time left to achieve financial things, convince his parents and make his brother get married and become ready to marry me in another 2years because iam already 25 and I dont want to be unmmaried after 27. Today we both are not feeling anything towards each other and we have frustated each other.We feel we both are not meant for each other and we don’t feel love for each other. I wanted him to clear half of his debts and save some money for our marriage and future. I understand if u love someone, you have to accept whatever comes. I chose to be with him even after knowing his financial situation because I thought one should give importance to human being rather than money because money comes and goes but character is what decides you in the end.But at the same time, I want to be planned and organised and we plan our future. But he says it’s wrong and Iam putting unnecessary pressure on him and we are different in this way. We both felt these achievements, which we thought will bring us together, has taken our happiness,peace,our bond and love.Iam not able to figure out what went wrong in between us?Can we still make our relationship work and tell our parents about our decision with all these difficulties (money,time, parents approval) get married with their blessings?Iam really confused about taking decision,please help me by sharing your thoughts.
Hi guys. I am a Christian girl and loving a Jain boy more than 6 years. We love each other and understanding very well. We made for each other. But the problem is his Parents. They are very much orthodox and they are not at all accepting for our marriage. He asked 2 to 3 times about the marriage to his parents. But they said, if u married that girl then you should not be in this house and should not think about us. At last they said that they will die if he married me. He is very much upset about his parents and thinking about his family only and telling me to sacrifice. But I can’t able to live without him. He is my future. I changed my originality for him. Then how can I sacrifice my life for his egoistic parents. They both are having so much health problems and not even able to take food also. They are emotionally blackmailing him. He is suffering a lot. Their first son is going out from the home with his family. So they are very much in need of their 2nd son (My lover). Please give your ideas about how to convince his parents even I am ready to convert into Jain. So please suggestions.
Hello maam
Myself Sau… (21) & I m Sc and my girlfriend Arti(18) is brahmin
Maam we are in love from last 9 years we both want to marry each other my parents know her very well my papa is ok but my mummy dont like her and her parents dont like me and her father going to arrange her marriage very soon and she(arti) have no guds to tell their parents and says me that she will marry me only else…..
Plz maam help me.
I love a girl very much from 6th class total 12 years of love.I am Brahmin caste and she is khytriya.I cant live without her for single moment.She is my happiness in my life.My mother just oppose for this marrige.My point of view is i cant do any thing that bow the head of my parents in front of other.If they dont agree with my proposal one golden way is suicide.And suicide is just a road accident which one is never be doubt by other.This is my view pls directly tell infront of ur parents and show what will be the result? I give u a suggestion not to do that.Just tell that.
hey,m 20 yr old maharashtrian bramhin gal….n da guy whom i luv is 20 yr old gujurati…we r pursuin engg and we r in relation since 1 and half yrs.v both luv each odr a lot..da prbm is dat its all fine in ma family bt his dad want him 2 marry a gujurati gal wenevr he decides 2 marry.his mom and didi knw abt me and dey r ready 2 accpt me,his dad likes me alot , he consider me his daughtr bt he’s nt ready 2 accpt me as his daugtr in law due 2 same stupid reasons,samaj,society and relatives…he always keep hm(guy) sayin dat u need 2 marry gal frm our caste and nt saylee..due 2 dis ma bf is bcumin sumwht hopeless nd he’s losin hopes altough he luvs me alot…his sis said hm dat she 2 had a bf frm odr caste and she wantd 2 marry hm bt she did nt say it 2 fathr as he hd already startd lukin for gujurati guy 4 hr..nw she’s married 2 gujurati…we both luv each odr..i knw der’s enugh tym for our marriage bt plz guide me how shud i convince hs family as he told me dat on his side all marriages are arranged dat 2 in caste…how shud i convince dem all as its all ok on my side…plz tell me…m waiting 4 ur positive rply as well as help
hey,m 20 yr old maharashtrian bramhin gal….n da guy whom i luv is 20 yr old gujurati…we r pursuin engg and we r in relation since 1 and half yrs.v both luv each odr a lot..da prbm is dat its all fine in ma family bt his dad want him 2 marry a gujurati gal wenevr he decides 2 marry.his mom and didi knw abt me and dey r ready 2 accpt me,his dad likes me alot , he consider me his daughtr bt he’s nt ready 2 accpt me as his daugtr in law due 2 same stupid reasons,samaj,society and relatives…he always keep hm(guy) sayin dat u need 2 marry gal frm our caste and nt saylee..due 2 dis ma bf is bcumin sumwht hopeless nd he’s losin hopes altough he luvs me alot…his sis said hm dat she 2 had a bf frm odr caste and she wantd 2 marry hm bt she did nt say it 2 fathr as he hd already startd lukin for gujurati guy 4 hr..nw she’s married 2 gujurati…we both luv each odr..i knw der’s enugh tym for our marriage bt plz guide me how shud i convince hs family as he told me dat on his side all marriages are arranged dat 2 in caste…how shud i convince dem all as its all ok on my side…plz tell me…m waiting 4 ur positive rply as well as help
I have the same heartbreaking story. I’m Ravidass and my GF is Jatt. We both were born and raised in Canada and dated for such a long time (6 years). We both have excellent careers as well. My family doesn’t care about intercaste marriages but hers did. I met them a few times and they did say I was a nice guy and have a good job etc but after a couple of months they told my GF no. She fought with them so hard but they did not budge. They constantly try to introduce her to other guys as well. At the end of the day we thought that we would continue to see each other until her parents finally cave and said yes. After a couple of months, she told me that she just couldn’t do it anymore. It was too stressful for her to be divided between me and her family. I understand why she did this but at the same time it’s so tragic what has happened to us. I don’t have a single person to talk to this about…I didn’t even tell my family or got anyone involved because I didn’t want to drag anyone else through this disgusting mess. We love each other so much and wanted to have a family together and we were robbed of everything. I have nothing left. She wanted to get married and have a family so bad as we both were getting older so I know that’s a priority to her….and I know she will start dating someone her family will introduce to her in the near future. All I can do now is just hope that she is happy and will get her family and live a wonderful life. It brings tears to my eyes to even type that but what else am I suppose to do? The beautiful memories I have of her are starting to haunt me now….like the first time I met her, how hard I tried to get her to first date me when she kept saying no, NYE, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas’s etc. I’m not even mad at her parents, I constantly told her to make a decision that makes her happy…..not what makes me happy, not what makes her parents happy, but what makes her happy. In the end, she made the decision that made her parents happy. What hurts me even more is that her family went to a couple of Hindu/White weddings and Sikh/Muslim weddings and partied the night away with big smiles on their faces. But when it came to a Punjabi/Punjabi wedding….they said no. Its unfortunate that something like this still happens, especially in Canada with 2 people that are Canadian! I’m just lost but I really hope she will be happy.
Hi Sulagna,
I’m a 25 year old Muslim girl, and my boyfriend is a Hindu. We love each other deeply but his parents are not accepting. He convinced them alot. But they are not accepting. we cant live without each other and dont want to go against parents. but his parents are not ready for intercast marriage. His father much concerned about Dowry. Indirectly his father is asking about dowry. But my parents cant give that much amount. even i didnt talk anything about us at my home. what can i do pls help me. Tomorrow am going to meet his parents they want to see me. Dont know what they will ask. Please tell me how to react with their questions..
What should I do? Please help me.
hey,m 20 yr old maharashtrian bramhin gal….n da guy whom i luv is 20 yr old gujurati…we r pursuin engg and we r in relation since 1 and half yrs.v both luv each odr a lot..da prbm is dat its all fine in ma family bt his dad want him 2 marry a gujurati gal wenevr he decides 2 marry.his mom and didi knw abt me and dey r ready 2 accpt me,his dad likes me alot , he consider me his daughtr bt he’s nt ready 2 accpt me as his daugtr in law due 2 same stupid reasons,samaj,society and relatives…he always keep hm(guy) sayin dat u need 2 marry gal frm our caste and nt saylee..due 2 dis ma bf is bcumin sumwht hopeless nd he’s losin hopes altough he luvs me alot…his sis said hm dat she 2 had a bf frm odr caste and she wantd 2 marry hm bt she did nt say it 2 fathr as he hd already startd lukin for gujurati guy 4 hr..nw she’s married 2 gujurati…we both luv each odr..i knw der’s enugh tym for our marriage bt plz guide me how shud i convince hs family as he told me dat on his side all marriages are arranged dat 2 in caste…how shud i convince dem all as its all ok on my side…plz tell me…m waiting 4 ur positive rply as well as help.sulagna@loveinindia.co.in
Hi, m a 23 yr old girl n i love a guy of same age, same education n same profession. The problemis our castes- I m a baniya n he is yadav. My grandparents r nt agree for r marriage n they r saying tht “yadavs r schedule cast n v cant face d society if u will marry him”. My parents hv no power n value at my home. All d decisions r taken by my grandparents only. My grandparents scolded my mom for this n blaming her all this happening because of her they r also threatning me n my mom that they will kill me n her if i insist them for this intercast marriage. Now i m in a mess my bf is dying without me. My grandparents locked me in the room they r nt allowing me nw to go out anywhere. My dreams my carrier is shattered now. Plz hlp me wat should i do???
Cntnd..forget to mention few things. His parents r agreed wid this mrrg bt they hv some terms n conditions. They r saying tht “agr mere parents unke ghr rishta le kr ayenge tbhi wo haa kahenge aur shadi jaha wo rhte h waha hogi mere city me nhi”. Now d thing is they live in kanpur i live in noida. We both r cnfused wat to do. Honestly speaking i dont love my family at all bt he loves his family very much. Mai bhagna chahti hu bt wo bhagana nhi chahta. Kahta h unhe bhot hurt hoga. Plz guide me people v r living like husbnd wife frm d last 5 yrs n dont wanna lose each other.
hi, im a christian girl im in love with a hindu boy for 3 yrs, we both love each other trully and im sure that he will take care of me very well. but the problem is parents and religion… im a tipical orthodax christian… my BF told that he can convency his parents and i also have the confidence that i can convency my parents atleast in the last chance… but i love jesus alot i dont want to get converted to his religion my BF also told me that he dont want me to convert, he says that we both will be in to different cast living together after marriage… but im afride that this may cause a problem in our future life bcos wen we have a child …in which cast we will grow them… my bf told me that our child must grow in his cast , bcos there may be a problem arising to our child life,…. i dont know wat to do… im really confused… i knw tht this might sound stupid to sum ppl …but i love jesus , jesus has done many good things in my life i want our child to xperience it… but my bf is afride that my love to jesus might change our childs mind in future… and im also afride that if i dnt get converted to his cast his parents and relatives wont mingle with me in future..im afride that this will cause a problem btwn us…how should i handle this… i want to know will any problem araise after marrage if we both dont get converted … im really confused pls help me…
This article is very appealing…its something to which today’s youth relate..I strongly oppose honour killings and castism
Hi I am a 27yrs old Brahmin guy from banaras. I m in love with a Gujarati girl..v both love each other a lot nd v r in relationship from past 5yrs.both our parents r not agreeing to our relationship due to caste. Situation at my place is very serious as my grandfather passed away just few days back and everyone wants me to get married now very soon as there are very few people left in my family to see me getting married..I really love her and can’t leave my family nor her..my family needs me at this moment of time..pls tell me how to come out of this situation and make family ready wholeheartedly at both side..
Hello my bf is punjabi n I am maharashtrian (agri). We both love each other a lot. My parents are forcing me to get married by this month. I have convince my dad abt our relationship Bt don’t know where to start.he is a politician and mom is suffering from diabetes and hepatomegaly. She has to start her treatment Bt she isn’t ready to start it untill she finds a suitable groom for me.. M worried abt her health..everyone is blaming me.n my relatives suck. Dey blame my mom n dad n insult dem everyday coz my sister did love marriage.. My bfs mom is of my caste so hw can I convince dem using dis point.. Pls reply soon
hi,
Im monisha from bangalore working in MNC company. im in love with a boy named Jay kumar from past 2yrs. His mom is hindu and dad is christian. at start almost all relations of mine accepted my love and everythng went smoothly. But nw suddenly my relations av *** to knw dat his mom who is hindu belongs to SC caste and der is lot of opposition all of a sudden whc im not able to face. All r telling me to forgt him all of a sudden. i cant do dat, i love him truly irrespective of his caste. his is working wel settled jst for de reason of caste i cant throw him out.Dad is becuming veryy agressive he is hitting me and mom vry badly , he is telling he ll divorce mom if i marry him and also he ll kill jay. i cant marry anyone. im not able to convience anyone at home. dey r indirectly forcng me for another marriage. im helpless. i av one younger sis all r telling it ll affect her marriage as wel. i cant leav my love nor my mom ans sis . plzz help me
hi,i am girl belong to bramhin cast and my boyfriend is sudra. we both love each other my bf live in a village where inter caste marriage is not allowed, so he never ready to convince their parent,he never let his parents down. he is ready to sacrifice but i am not.how to convince him and their parents
he is ready to sacrifice his love not his parents. because of cast.
i will prefer you to talk to his parents, as he is such a coward.
Ask urs parents to go to his house and talk with his mom dad.
and buy some bunch of bangles before going to his home, if he refuses to accept “give him his gift”.
Try Until all ways are closed.
Hi I m 17 yrs old ryt nw…nd I m In rltnshp wid a guy is 2 yrs elder thn me..I m frm an open caste maratha family..nd he is frm a lower caste…my mum is politician..nd my dad iz an industrialist .both r against fr an intrcst marriage. .they olwayzz tlk bad wrds abt lower caste people…they hate them..my mum dad loves me aloot..me too ..bt we olso lv each othr..we hav dcided to tell abt our rltnshp to our parents aftr 5 yrs..till tht we’ll bring up ndmake our carreer. .bt I m so scared abt hw do I convince thm..?!! He is olso doing his best..he iz trying to impress my parents..they hav doubt tht I m in lv wid sm1..plz help me…sggest me wht should I do?
Be in Relationship..
don’t worry about parents. they will b convinced.
just b sure if u both have to do marriage and give a good start to urs actual relation, u both should b well earning.
but u should confident, what u want parents or him.
see i vl explain parents are willing to make all things in there way.
u are the one who should convince them. dont leave any chance to present him in front of parents. and try reading blogs how to convince mom dad for urs boyfriend.
Hi, to all. `i know u all are busy just read and let me know whatever u feel`
Friends, Very Bad Condition Here.
My girlfriend and i am in relation ship from 2yrs.
We came in relationship and before our relationship starts she gave me an clear idea “aapla lagna nahi hovu shakat” [means we cant marry] reason for it is my cast, she belongs to 96clan maratha and i belong to hindu kalan which is low as per her community.
Now a stage has came that she said to me to move on, dont wait for her. But i really want to marry her. Her reason to avoid marriage is that “we are not of same cast my dad will not agree and he has told her that if she marry any other he will commit suicide”. She really loves me But due to family and cast we cant marry.
I asked her will u like to marry me if everyone ready, she said yes.
I asked her, Except cast do u have any problem to marry me, she said no. “even she said what ever she is expecting as a husband i have all quality”.
Friends She cant say this to her family, Her sister know about us, but she is saying she cant help [reason is unknown i think cast].
She is afraid of her dad, she took me in front of every one sister, brother, mom except dad. i tried to build good conversation with her mom and i was succeeded, she also asked her mom about inter-cast marriage, her mom is also against.
Once in blue moon, Her brother also told her mom, i suit for her, but her mom said “If cast would be the same i would have done”.
I have Convinced my whole family with uncle and aunty all, for her. my mom dad said should we go to her house and ask her for us.
i asked her she said “i don’t want to spoil our relationship” if u do so, she will commit suicide.
friends, I really love her like any thing.
This is how she is replying, i cant blame her, its not her fault, being in such atmosphere any one can be like this “her mom dad is married but have no good relationship, she is saying if she does like this she will make them more far away”.
Friends Do reply. Need Yours help.
Thanks.. BrokenArrow
I want to Convince Her Dad.
For our marriage, I want him to know about me.
How Should i Approach.
I don’t want to regret, that i dint tried this, for her.
I am ready to face any consequences.
Just show me the Way.
am 18 years old
my boyfriend is also 18 yrs old. both of us are class mates. tough v are in young age v both love each other deeply. and v have decided to get married when we are 27. we have planned our future including our careers and personal life.
the problem is that he is a REDDY and i am TAMIL BRAHMIN.
my parents came to know about us and they are dead against this inter-community relation.
they have shown my horoscope to a renowned astrologer for wch he said that i ll get married only to a brahmin. which is making me really upset.
please suggest me a solution
hi i am 19yrs old and i belong to a brahmin family. he is 21yrs old and he is a kshtriya. we both love each other a lot but he is not willing to talk to his parents about marrying me because his mom hates brahmins. what should i do to make him speak to his parents atleast once ? please help me !!!!
Hi,
Im a christian independent girl working in a reputed MNC company, My bf is a hindu.we were in love from past 5 years.
I convenced my parents for marriage but he couldnt able to convence his parents , his mother has a very wrong opinion on christianity and ofcource caste too.
Both are setteld very good in career and matured enough to handle things and supporting each other and i’m sure that i’m perfect parter to him and will take care of him and his parents.
I dont understand why parents gives such importance to caste and religion more than their chindrens life.
we know that we cant live hapily if we marry some other also,but today after a long struggle and lost of patience im preparing myself to face the obstacles(marrying other) instead of commiting suicide.
I hope and wish that this caste should go and days should come where all treated equally and live hapily with out loved ones
Wishing a look luck to all , god please him us in these hard situations and also abolish caste system on earth.
Hi,
Im a christian independent girl working in a reputed MNC company, My bf is a hindu.we were in love from past 5 years.
I convenced my parents for marriage but he couldnt able to convence his parents , his mother has a very wrong opinion on christianity and ofcource caste too.
Both are setteld very good in career and matured enough to handle things and supporting each other and i’m sure that i’m perfect parter to him and will take care of him and his parents.
I dont understand why parents gives such importance to caste and religion more than their chindrens life.
His mother is at last stage of cancer so we are not able to atleast discuss about this.
we know that we cant live hapily if we marry some other also,but today after a long struggle and lost of patience im preparing myself to face the obstacles(marrying other) instead of commiting suicide.
I hope and wish that this caste should go and days should come where all treated equally and live hapily with out loved ones.
Could you suggest me what would be the best chances to win my love
Wishing a look luck to all , god please him us in these hard situations and also abolish caste system on earth.
iam tapas .my caste is brahmin and i love a girl her caste sc.my family background is not good and i am elder brother of my family.one sister and one brother besides me in my family.i am job in a private company.my family disagree in my love .what i can do plz sugget me.
Hi, I am Maharashtrian girl in love with a Bengali guy…we are in a relationship since 6 yrs and financially independent..also we are of same age I.e.28 yrs. One year back I discussed about my relationship with my dad…firstly he was okay with it & told me that he will discuss with mom at right time. As my mom is a heart patient we didn’t wanted to give her a shock. After few months my dad discussed my relationship with mom & she was totally in opposition. To my surprise even my dad agreed to her. My dad came to me and literally blackmailed me emotionally that I should not be in contact with my bf. From the day my mom came to know about my relationship she is not even talking to me…I feel alone with my own family… I love them a lot but at the same time I want to only marry my bf… This phase of my life is very painful… the problem is community and society. . Can you help me out?
Hi sulagana,
Its nice to read all of ur encouraging posts bt I couldn’t find any case as of mine.
I m in love with a girl, we both r from brahmin community our surname is same and both of us having same gotra. Same gotra is our only problem.
Both of us r 23 yrs old, both of us born n brought up in mumbai bt our native is in UP, we both graduated from same college, we r in a relationship from last 4 yrs. Nw she is working in a mnc company & m all set to fly to canada to pursue my Ms study n waiting for my visa now.
Both of our family r strongly opposing this marriage stating that this would cause a great hurt to them n our society. They were explaining us how such couples r victimised of honour killing. My gf can’t leave her family for me n same from my side. we want to marry bt with our parents permission. For me she’s not only a gf bt also my wife
Please make some strong suggestions for us, we cannot live without each other. Her dad saying that he will commit suicide if we dont stop all these right here, both of her parent r postgraduate n a school teacher. we have very strong vision for our future also being full of patriotism want to do a great for our country
plz reply ASAP
I don’t understand. You seem to have EVERYTHING in common. Then what’s the issue? Caste?
Hi Loveinindia,
I do not appreciate your guidance to the lovers. You are helping them to sideline parents who have done so much for children and will definitely find lifepartners where they will be happy with.
Do you respect your parents? You mean whatever children do back and behind of parents, they should support? You are encouring youngsters even in future to be hypocrites in their married life.
I’m in serious problem with my parents. My parents saw a guy for me and forcing me to get marriage with him. I’m brahmin girl and my guy is Kshatriyas. I’m in love from the past 4 years. I’m in a situation where I cant say my love. My parents saying that if i dont agree for marriage they will quit their life.
I’m full confused. I want my parents as well as my Love!
Please help me
hi !
i belong to a rawat family we are rajputs. i am in a relation with a guy who is also rajput but he is rajasthani rajput we belong to uttrakhand. we r in relation for last 4 yrs. now my parents are ready but his parents are not ready to even listen. what should we do.. after some time my parents will start forcing me to marry another guy…
Hello,Dear
My gf family members didnt accept me as i m brahmin and she is khetriya they want to make her marriage of same cast,but her father and mother are accepting. Plz help me what to do.
Loveinindia,
Please encourage youngsters to inform the parents the minute they fall in love and not wait for years to passby and then inform them. Naturally parents will not approve of their cheating and insincere behaviour. I know human being cannot survive without love but there are ways and means how one has to go about it. Insensible youngsters landup in chaos lovelife.
What should I do
hi.me ek malayali girl hum.me jinu se bahuth pyar karthi hum.jinu obc thiya cast hey aur me general nambiar.isliye mera ye pyar family accept nahi karthi hey.muje 22 year old hey.aur jinu ko 25.me degree ke bad b.ed kiya.aur vo mba kiya.vo job try kar rahi hey.cast ke vagah se family ye rishtha nahi manthi hey.me use bahuth pyar karthi hum.mera zindgi hey jinu.aur jinu bi muje uthna pyar karthi hum jithna me.lekin hamara ye pyar family accept nahi karthi hey.kya karum me.family ko me galath nahi keh rahi hum.me ganthi hum meri shadi ko lekar une bi kaisare expectation hoga.me vo pura nahi kar pay.vo muje bahuth pyar karthi hey.donom mereliye important hey.jinu ke bina me nahi rah sakthi.me mar gaungi lekin kisi aur se shadi nahi kar sakthi.jinu ki family me koi problm nahi hey.aur muje thoda ithzar bi karna padega kyom ki jinu ko job abi thak nahi mila.aur milega lekin thoda time hoga.is pareshanise keyse mukthi milega muje.keyse apni family ko convince karum me.pls help me plsssss
Hi:)..Am a brahmin girl of 24..am n reltn for d past 4 yrs wit my bf ho belongs 2 sc…ts tym 4 fr me nd mah bf to present dis s n frnt f our prnts…bt der r r lot f pbms nd pls do help me aftr reading dis…
Wen i was n 9th i hd a crush nd smetn mre dan dat wit a guy frm mah school…for abt a mnth v wer in kind f a reltn…bt mah prnts came to knw…nd t turnd out to b a big pbm…bt i wos not sers or aware abt d consequences coz f mah age…wen i was n 12th my bst frnd proposed me nd donno how i accptd aftr tnkng fr a month…v wer dng lil bit deep n our reltn…dat too mah prnts came to knw…d pbms wer devastating…mah fthr got sme hrt pbms nd ol aftr dat…i understood dey r nvr gonna agree…and d guy wos cnvncd by his prnts nd so he chngd out his mind….deraftr i also decided not to fall n love…bt in colg…my senr hom i was soo frndly wit fell n love wit me…i was strng wit dat i wont love him bak…bt witin mnths i understood i too was falling for him…nd v r n reltn fr d past 4 yrs…he s frm sc caste…he s sure his prnts vl agree…bt am damn afraid to present dis n mah home…wot vl mah prtns tnk f me being n reltn for d third tym wit a third guy…my bf also knws abt mah pst…bt d pbm s he doesnt wnt his prtns to knw abt mah past…nd my family vil nvr agree fr mah marriage nd dey may tell abt mah past n due course f d discussn wit his prnts…so cnt tnk f dat too…nd i am cncrnd abt mah fathers hlth too…am hvng a yngr brother in 10th whose life may also get destroyed coz f me..i knw i cnt liv witot mah bf…wot vl i do? hlp me plss…
Is there anyone who has guts to help me? I’ve been in relationship with a girl for last 6 years. We desperately want to marry. she says if she can’t marry me she would commit suicide and I can do anything for her. She is BRAHMIN with having roots of casteism.Fearing that I would loose her I lied to her that I belonge to OBC. For the sake of her heart she said she had to marry me at any cost.
But here’s a thing i am a ST,and I possibly tried everything to hide my tribal identity because I love so much that I can do anything for her.
she frankly says that she doesn’t like anyone below her caste. let alone SC/ST. she detest them.
I don’t have guts to tell the truth. Because I know for sure the day I tell her the truth she would do something wrong.I’m between devil and sea. For me her happiness is everything.
Hello,
As you wrote that you have been with this girl from last 6 year so obviously she knows that you are a wonderful person and still if she is having problem with your cast that surely she is kinda bitch.
Also you wrote that
a) She said that she will commit suicide if she can’t merry you
b) She can’t stand anyone below her cast
She obviously have issues as she is a big raciest, so my advice to you is that if you love her tell her truth. You must make your decision and she hers but you can’y be each other hiding your identity whole life. And from what you told me she is dumb too (Even after 6 year she don’t know you).
Based on the limited information you provided, I would suggest that tell her truth, open her eye towards science and let her make her decision.
Plz help me i m a kshatriya boy nd my gf is a brahmin grl v r since last 3.5 yrs in rel when v disclose to our parents abt our rel they get angry nd forcely hr parents fix hr marrge to smone else and made hr vry weak through emotionaly nd aftr dat they organised engangmnt function also nd make it success. Nd c want marry me plz help us
hey puspendra if hr or your parents don’t acknowledge ur relationship then u sud go for registered marriage bcz u don’t have a situation like me.
mk sure till the day of reg. marriage u don’t gv them the slightest idea of it bcz u gotta protect ur relationship at any cost. and a wise advice from me that plz have enough financial support for both of you unless you are already earning. bcz 4 things cn hppn to you
1. either both family accept u two. or
2. hr family would discard her and ur family accepts or
3. Both family abandon both of you. or for the worst
4. Any one or Both family could go for any extend to devastate both of you.
in this case u got to have firm financial and legal support to survive this fatal caste system. Take help of your trustworthy friends or relatives.
“May God bless both of you”.
hi frnds my dad mainly not agreeing for my marriage due to inter caste.We are in love last 8 years how can he break up us .My guy is also well setteled and doing job in wipro but still he is not accepting my mrg due to inter caste plzzz help i cant come out from my house also because my father is verrryy good guy i am dying in d middle of my dad nd my lover i need both of them plz give ur suggestion.my dad is blackmailing me dat he vil diee what should i do
helo… i m a hindu guy n i love a girl who belongs from muslim community….we r in relationship since 4 years. we both have tried many tym to convince our family, but nothng is going in our favour., we both want to marry but not without our families blessing….. so plzz tell me what to do in this situation……
Try ur level best.
Even if they dont………..den decide ur love or ur parents.
What i mean is religion and god are one’s own belief.
So may be as days goes on parents will accept.
Everyth ll nt happen over night.
Its only in the hands of us to change all these thoughts dat dis society turns to our side.Comeon shall make it.
Am also a muslim girl who is in love with a hindu boy.
hi i m a christian belonging to sc and my bf is a hindu belonging to oc(reddy). we hav been in a relationship from 5 years. we love each other very much bt ther is no prob frm my side bt ther’s a huge prob frm his side my guy is scared very much abt his moms health status and his father. so he is telling me to marry some one else as it will not workout bt he loves me so much we r not able to do anything becoz his parents r country people n very particular abt d caste. plsssss advice me how to get marry plsss i love him so much dat i cant live without him plss…. plss advice me how to fill confidence in my bf plssss help me…
Hii porni even i have the same promblem pls some one give the solution for that problem pls…..
plsss anybody help me fast….plssss
hi this is deepak…….our love is completed 3 years…..we are both same cast …… but the gf is in our relationship means that relation can be convert in marrige ….. means she is doughter of my dady’s sister-dougher-husband’ brother(means bua ke ladki ke pati ke bhai ki ladki hai.) so there is my sister-his husband fully not accepted our relation ship….. And they directly talk with my family if u want to make relationship with by brother doughter so directly talk with him, we are not come between u and him…….and if they ready the relationship end ith them…..
and other side they force to gf mom dad that if u made relation end which result to end the our brother – brother relation……..
so his dady not ready for marrige………
they directly told that the gf i cant leave our brother……..
so if want to u marriege go from home & remember that our relationship end here…….
so gf trying so much but fail and not to ready to take any decision…..
pl suggest what to do me.
Hi
Im 22 and a keralite christian, my boyfriend ia 30 and a hindu marata,
We. Have been dating fr 3 years and his parents found out abt me and totally disapprove of me, i have yet to pass my mbbs exam and he us yet to get into a residency program; in short neither of us are earning. He has been taxing me to tell my parents and i want to but i fear my dad may not help me get into a residency program in the U S A after i tell him; at the same time i done want my boyfriend to feel that i didnt take his word.. I do not know what to do..
Note: m doing my mbbs jn india n so did my boyfriend but hes settled jn the USA n if i have to go there i need my parents support
Please counsel me
My heart love her she is brahmin I am maratha I love her bottom of my heart but she is very frank so I am confused But ha my heart say she’s love me An she sacrifice her love ,emotions An she stress all time that’s I can’t saying .to swtala khup tars Karin gehte pls kahi tari kara na
Hii..am a Tamil catholic girl and my bf is an Urdu Muslim but born n brought up in same place..v r in a relationship for the past three years..my parents came to know of us n they strictly told menot to b in contact ..i tried forgettin him but I couldn’t..m again with him for a year..but my parents believe dat I m not..they trust me so much..its too early to talk openly to them coz both of us r studyin now..i always hav this feelin of guilt inside me for not listenin to my parents ..but I cannot forget him..i love him so much..he says he wud convince his parents somehow..but I m sure dat my parents ll not..I lie to them..there is so much for marriage but still I cant take this easily..wat do i do..pls help
hi i m cheena …. frm jamu me and my bf love each other .. we both togethter discussed aur relationship with our paresnts…. they r almost agree with us..
but problem yeh hai ki jab mere bf ki parents ne humare kundli milayi to vo nhi mill rhe mtlb humare re;lationship mein friendship ke gunnn nh milte …… mein inn chezzon pe believe nhi krti but unke parents krte hai ….humne bahut koshish kre hai mnane ki ..kuch nhi ho paa rha ..hum ek dusre ke bina reh bhi nhi skte …..
now give me some sugeestion wt to do …..
Hi,
This kundali thing is just some kind of game that parents play. You guys decide by yourself on how you are going to proceed in this relationship. If your guy is ready to be with you and face any problems for you, you take your own decision and get married. Things will settle down and parents will also do fine and will come back to you once you have babies trust me. Best of luck
Regards,
Kalyan
i m also facin similar problm..m a doctor frm a low caste n my bf is an engineer frm higher caste..evnthough our families r well educated they r still holdin caste…how v l convince our parents dnt knw..y ths God is so cruel…
caste and all no problem.Relegion is only the problem.Tell ur parents that u love him and can’t live without him.Make them to understand what u think.U plz make ur lover to live near ur house.Introduce that boy.Tell him to be more respectfull with ur parents.Tell him to be helpful to ur parents.Then ur parents will get a good opinion on ur lover.so,plz……try this.thnk u!
I m Bengali n my bf is marathi…. our 1st strategy was not to get serious in love…. not to b mad fr eachotr… bt wen d tym pas… I became serious fr him n same frm his side… bt he cnt marry me coz he cnt hurt his parents… as I m from anotr cast.. our parents cn never agree.. n he cnt go beyond his parents permission…. I cn totally understand dat emotional feeling… bt wat abt my feelings… wen ever I ask him fr marriage he reply’s ull get better den me…. y cnt he understnd I love him so much… I really cnt think nething beyond him… his just everythng to me… I don’t knw wat to do.. how to react… I m seriously lost sumwer…. I want him to b my strength fr rest of my life… I love u saurabh.. alot I love u…..
Hi.. everyone even i have a situation here.. I am a christian girl and in love with a non-christian guy.. for me Jesus is the main priority in my life.. but even i cant hurt him also so can you please help me
I love my best friend i want to marry her but her parents dont agree on an intercaste marriage
She tried to force me onto another partner but i refused n now she seldom talks to me
We both are super stressed i dont know wat to do …… plz help
Hii
i read ur all post..acually..i madly in love with a south indian guy.he said he also loves me but cant marry me bcz of caste.
Is caste matters alot? i wl die if he married smone else.plz help me..wat should i do?
tel me how to convance him and his family.its all about my lyf.
Plz help me.
Hey Gaurav! thanks for suggestion buddy. I hope when I tell her the truth,she accept it otherwise I’m doomed buddy………….. Because I’m an one woman man as she is the first n the last love of my life. she’s just like a virus in my blood running through veins. impossible to segregate. it’s true that I can’t hide my identity from her for forever.I’m just looking for a dammn appropriate day.
it beats me, why there is such sort of casteism. people just don’t want to live without caste related conservative thoughts. especially when it comes to love. if someone gets murdered in neighborhood people don’t wanna come out and raise the matter but when there is intercaste love or marriage, they make hue and cry in the name of caste/religion.
Hi frnds……I am pooja.I am in love with one muslim boy.His name is wasim rahamathullah.He is a tamil muslim.we both study in same school.The previous year we were in the same class but,this year we were shuffled and put into different class.But,we have contact with eachother.we are just 9th std only.We have started to think our future. we r so afraid of our parents.we want to marry(not now).so the problem is our religion.so,plz……….help us
i am venkat doing final year bds..my lover too..v have very deep love…i cant imagine life without her..she is frm diffrent caste..her family knws abt our love.caste s their only problem..v had attempted suicide..her family is blackmiling her that they all will die..they started cing groom for her..i will die without her…please say how can i marry her..r i should give a fullstop to my life and make her live..plz reply
Hi,
Mine and my bf’s castes are same and our sub caste is different. His father is the leader of his village being very strict, will solve issues of the people. Upon considering everything(caste, horos and all) we started to love, At first we had hope that we will convince him. Here we had the problems rising.
But later his father is done with a open heart surgery, Now his another brother loves a girl of my caste, his father does’nt accept it so, his son left home separate. Now his father is really upset with this issue.
Now we are afraid to open our issue with his father, it may affect his dad’s health even worse, Also his dad is stick to his principles,so that he wont accept our love.
My bf is suffering a lot by not able to loose me or to marry me without his father’s acceptance. I am not able to see him suffer.
but we both want everyone’s acceptance.
What can we do, we really love each other a lot, i cant even imagine a life without him, he is my precious treasure given by god??
hi
all,,
before thinking a caste,
please think about few things,,,,,
For suppose your father got severe illness,,, would u allow only person of your caste to treat your father.
If suppose your house got fire,,,, will your father allows only people of your caste to pour water….
If u need urgent blood for surgery,,, will ask person of yyouur caste to donate….
Atleast u cant get food,,,,,,if you think that your caste person have to manufacture it..
i dont know where your or yours parents caste feeling works…
Kindly listen to your heart,,, think before you give commitment to some one… and dont go back saying caste,,,,,,,
why all are you giving importance to caste….you all are highlighting it…
You are only the person who belongs to you….. dont sell your self for others…
Parents think security for their children.. they feel that their childrens don”t face any problem even absence of them.
They beleive that their children should not feel any culture difference while living daily life and their children life should go smoothly….
But we have to make them understand if we have confidence …..
Show them that you are safe and secure with your loved oncce,,, and show them that the responsible of your loved once taking for your future…
For love , it requires two people…..
bt for living together it reqires parents support morally..
So friends convince your parents,,, or convince your self..
Dnt raise caste issue as a reason for your inferiority complex……and make the future generation to struck to it…
So friends do what uu want,,, because yesturday wont come back,,, future never knows,,, but the time now is the ”present”
I apolozise if i hurt any one…. Thanks and regards…. bablu
Hi, I am m marwari girl hails from a village in Rajasthan and my bf is from Asaam. We are in relationship from last 2 years and want to get married. His parents are OK with our marriage but they want my parents also to be agreed. I have told my parents before a year but due to some tensions the discussion is not continuous. I start talking and convincing them but my mom has depression problem so again I had to stop and start convincing. The cycle is going on but they are not OK with our marriage. I don’t want to run and marry but can’t leave any one of them as I love a lot both my parents and my bf. I am kind of in tension, please help me what to do?and how to do?? My dad had told me strictly that I have to choose one of them…. He won’t let the marriage happen as I am the eldest in family. If he allows me then every 1 vl go for love marriage and his name vl be spoiled in community and so called Samaj!! Please help!!
Hi Sangita,
I understand your pain. I ll tell you something. You are very lucky. If a girl is facing issues at her home for love marriage, i can understand because of the way they are brought up i mean you dont argue with your dad much. So to face him for the first time for such an issue is a big task. But for a guy not being able to go against his parents is nonsense. He should have the guts to face any problem for the girl and that should be the trademark of any guy in this world. To fight whether you win or lose. I know this hurts but he is only using you. Please ask him frankly one more time and if you receive a similar reply just run away from him and cut all contacts with him for 60 days and that will bring him to his knees. Then you can decide how you are going to proceed. Best of luck
Regards,
Kalyan
Hiiii iam priya and iam a hindu girl my caste is different from him ,he is a christian guy bt his native is kanyakumari, they will give first importance to the caste and they dont accept inter caste marriage pls guys give me a solution to get my luver back Pls……
I m a SC marathi guy and my gf is Bengali…..she told her parents about me and as usual they didnt agree……they dont want to mary their daughter in a marathi family….except marathi they can accept any guy
my gf dont want to hurt her parents and she decided to go away from me….sb kc band kr diya baat bhi nai krti mzse
What should I do…help me out plzz its tough tym.
My family is ready to accept her…..everyone is ready…..bt now my gf is not responding me….and her parents gave her the decision.
Hi abhishek,
Dnt mind me telling this!!!!!!!!!!!!!………… plzzzz talk wid ur girlfrnd abt it seriously bcz even b4 ur parents or her prents agree………it is u both who shld knw wht u r doin is ryt………TALK TO HER FIRST.
Hello,
I am priya,i belong to buddhist family. I am in love with a guy who belongs to hinduism. Things are going okay with his family.Actually the problem is from my family.They won’t agree for us due to religion….What shall i do now? and How to convince them? plz suggest me..
hi I am in love with one guy from
2008. I am Hindu he is christian. he is
a good and well known person in my
home as my friend.. in my home we
use to go church and temples also
bcox my uncle brother and my sisters
all studied from christian school and
Clg we have such habit of going
church. now me and my bf decided to
marry. he is having one elder brother I
have 1younger sister. me and my bf
are bit scared to talk in home about
our love. and don’t know how to start
about this love bcox he is christian I
am Hindu. we love each other more
than that we both have good
understanding. I can tel as mutual
understanding with adjusting capacity.
he treats my parents as his own and I
too have a good care on his parents
(but in his home they don’t know
about me). if our marriage is
happening it wil be in church, I don’t
have any problem but I wish after
finishing in church need to go temple
also. not compulsory I told him he
said ok I will do that for ur wish and
ur parents happiness. but my parents
won’t come for temple. but I will come
with u and ur parents. so in everything
we have good adjustment. Pls suggest
me wt to do.? what are the
possibilities to get marry him. after his brother marriage only our marriage. just decided to tell in home bcoc in my home started looking proposal for me very seriously.
REPLY
Hi frnz,
Am a 20 yr old female still studying, I have been very close to a guy who s a friend of mine since 8 months. Close in the sence, I teach him ,I clear his doubts, we even meet for once in a week tat too fr only 5 or 10 mins if permits,we talk every day on phone, I send him my pics and he sends his. He is a very rich guy!!!!…….his dad owns a BENZ,luxury life n all. He is actually dumb……..I mean quite weak at communications and skills. Looks handsome. We are only friends……………… but evrytym i speak tohim for a longer duration,i feel very guilty,i feel as if am doing a great sin speaking to a GUY!!!!!. Am a very sensitive person,i think a lot,am very hard working,i study well. Earlier I had no friends in guys,,,,,,,,…………….not even 1. I never mingled wid them at all. He kinda likes me a lot…………he keeps telling tat he wud want me in his life forever, he says he can convince my dad abt getting me married since he belongs to gowda caste and am a Brahmin. Moreover we are not as rich as they are . To be frank we are middle class people and I always feel inferior abt it. What shld I do now wid this guy????????????????????????????????????
hi,
From your post it seems your BF has low voice against his parents. Also since they are rich, that will be a big status pbm for them. If he is a single son then their expectation will be much higher. Its the time for you people to fell in love, bt i say not to hurry up in anything…ask your BF to study well and make him to get good job and stand on his own. This will help him to speak infront of his father, at the sametime you should study well and improve your life status. Say if you earn something like 35-50k then your BF father cant speak anything on your financial status. This is only studying age, so my simple suggestion is “Study well, improve your knowledge, get good job” then everything will be fine. Until then dont getinto deeper relation, this myt hurt you both when anything hpns opposite to you people.
haiii
iam loving a girl since 3 years..but i can’t proposed her..bcz she accept me rr not..iam a hindu guy but she is a brahmin..now iam persuing bteh final sem.she is my junior..my frnds told me that she is not suitable to you..every day i watch her and she also looks at me…how to know she loves me r not??we both r frm villages…
Hi,
Im a BC hindu guy and im in love with an SC roman catholic girl for past 3yrs. Also financial wise we are more better than my GF side. My GF family are ok with it, bt im having the issue. Im very much attached to my mom, so i cant raise my voice against them….im just trying to convince them politely. As mentioned in this post, i had a lot of discussion with my parents and pin point them with the few arranged marriage couples having pbm and love mrg people living peaceful life…There are various shows in tamil channels showing family pbms infront of TV, my parents say that SC people will do like this and that. I generally prefer to ban those shows which is making hell out of pbm in other families.
Somehow i tried to convince them after 2yrs struggle, reluctantly they said ok atlast that too for me. My relations came to know on my love and they started to advice, my close cousin who was supporting my love without knowing anything about my GF family background. But once i said she is from SC, he started advising abt the all sorts of pbm my parents and i will face. Not sure Why this caste is making such a big pbm.
Since my parents agreed for my love, damn sure they will be forced to check our jadhagam to check any pbm/dhosham. So precautionary manner i checked our jadhagam…there also we hav pbm, it says not good for marriage..im in next move to tackle this situation..my frnds who wer supporting earlier started to say, wt man all sorts of pbm you are facing ryt from caste,religion,finanicial status and now jadhagam.
Now my relations started teasing my parents on this and made them cry. Im a 27yr guy bt still cry thinking on this when im in my room all night. Sometimes thought to do register marriage bt its like killing my parents who were already exhausted. I personally advise all lovers that its easy to love and do register marriage. But pls pls dont do that, try to convince your family politely, it may take yrs nd yrs bt still that speaks alot about lovers patience,strength and bonding in love. If you cant convince that pbm, how you people will convince each other when a pbm arises after your marriage.
Its like an illusion situation for me, though everything seems fine as of now..bt anytime any pbm may arises…Still im in a hanging rope with only hope…!
Thanks sanvi ……..but i tried to talk to her but she is not talking to me…..she blocked my phone no.s also …..and i cant force her she is not understanding me at all…….a huge pressure from her parents she has
O.m.god…..really i got very much impressed by these answers…bcz i too hav a same prblm ..i.e)caste feeling in love..i loved a guy who blngs to sc….and i belng to oc..my parents are very strict as thy are teachrs..thy always think that they should be respctd evrywer and also fears about the relatives responses….if they cme to knw my love matter defnitly they ll kill me..but i cant liv widout him….i used to wipe evryday by thinkng abut this prblm
.wen i hav seen these answers givn by u….i got somewt courage…that defnitly wen we r settld in our future i may cnvnce my parnts by sayng all these words to thm…..
I hate caste feeling…bcz the one who falls in love wid the persn of other caste ….have to leave him for the sake of their parents..bcz parents arw not at al acceptng the other caste marriages…love has no caste feelings its just feeling and undrstandng btwn two hearts…..
People are losing their loved ones bcz of this nasty caste feelings….i hatee…….
Hie I m 20 year old girl.. I luv a boy who is 25 and aur caste is same he luv me alot and I also luv him alot I cant live without him.. his family is ready.. mine mom is also ready but d problem is mine father I dont know how he react towards me.. when I told 2 dem about dis.. I dont know wat do my father is vry angery man.. tell me d ways how I convence mine father.. d boy I luv is well shettled.. wat 2 do.. plz help me its urgent…
u can tell ur mother about this ..and ur mother can convince to ur father….
Hi,
All have moreover similar kind of problem(Inter caste love)…As same,me and my boy friend belongs to different caste…His parents is ok for our marriage if my parents too accept,,But my father comes from a village background and he is so keen on his own community welfare only and not even ready to listen my side…I do not know what to do..We are not able to do a court marriage also since he comes from a big family consisting of three elder brothers and one younger brother.Since his parents ready to proceed our marriage but my parents not even ready to see his face or his family. Anyone pls suggest me with some ideas…
Hello,
My self Paavni and I am in love with boy whose marriage is fixed by his parent’s with his maternal uncle daughter against his wish. mine cast is maratha and his cast is lower than mine. We want to marry but we are not getting the way to convince our parent. we want to marry with there blessings only. His and mine father is also suffering from BP problem.
I even can’t think my life without him. Please give us some suggestion.
I am 25 years old. I love a guy his caste is different. His parents not allowed to our marriage. when I proposed him. He said to me am also having same feelings on you but my parents not allow for this marriage. He gave me full affection. I forced him ask permission to our marriage. He asked permission to his parents. They not allowed to our marriage. They forced him to change his number. He quit his job. I went our office to meet him. He not interested to marry me. Now he said I have no crush on you! you only imagine yourself. I hate u fully. Am not interested to talk with you. am going to marry another girl. if u died means I won’t feel about DAT. you only come back to me. whatever my parents told I will do dat only. Now I have no option to do. pls help me. I need my life
friends…..m loving a girl since childhood(16 years is going on)…we both are christian. we war very good understanding. she was telling …she will die for me she was loving me in very much..but, now she is totally changed her self.. Now she is telling according to his parents choice she want to marriage.if i will tell anything to her..she is telling its defend upon GOD. i want to marry with her…So..in this case what should i do..? kindly..give me your suggestion…your suggestion would be help me…
Hi,
This is blueander signing in… Just wanted to share my tots… I am hindu… My love was a christian.. We planning on getting married… I told and convinced my parents … And now after all tat she is not ready to tell at her home and she is breaking it up.. I am at the verge of running away to darkness… I have absolutely no clue WAT so ever to do.. If any one can help me I will be greatful…
hi..My name is ankit and m 26 years old. I have been in a relationship since 8 years and now m on verge of separation just becuz my girlfriend is a sindhi and i belong from agarwal society. we both r in deeply love with each other but somehow she is thinking that her parents wont accept our relationship becuz of intercast issue. She also adds onething that m not settled, this can also be one issue y i can be rejected by her family. She is feared of losing her parents if she tries to convince them for me. I am not able to concentrate anywhere and i dont know what to do. I want to marry her at any cost. When she asked her mother for me, her mother replied in such a pathetic way that even i lost my temper when i heard from her mouth that ” ankit lives in baroda in a crowdy area with 1BHK flat, a city where girls can not roam freely and he doesnt even likes to do parties the way u do. How will u manage to live with him” My girl replied that what does all these things have to deal with marriage. Her mom is blackmailing her emotionally. It would be glad to hear from you guys. Please help me.
hi
i want your advice , i fall in love with a girl and she also loves me, but her mother is forcing her to marry with her nephew , so her parents are against our marriage,
she is said she will commit socide if she unable to marry with me,
parents also said to her that go on, you can eat poison but we will not allow you to marry that person
she is living like in jail,
what should we do?
Hye..
im kd..the girl i love is 5 years elder to me..and she is a pure indian girl..i am a brahmin guy but also a hindu..her parents wil not accept me just because im 5 yrs younger and also im a brahmin..what is wrong of being a brahmin and marrying a pure indian girl?? Or whats wrong of being 5 years younger??? Most important is i wil be able to support her..and she too loves me..but having this fear or her parents in her
Hey. ..pavnii… …u must tell ur bf that he plzz reject this marriage . .only for u…n also again trying to convince his parents again…for LST time…MNS how can u bf agree to marry someone ..that he love u…oh god ….love someone n marry someone….picture chal rh hai kya. just b pos+ n trying to convince ur bf n again his parents….just clamly say his parents that his life only possible with u….complete with u …his marry u ..its nt mn he against his parents just try to understand them… n if not that its hardly to say but do as per ur bf. ..if he not much able to stand for u…it mn ur gudness nthg for him .. n his gudness nthg work for anyone …then bravely stop…..its much better…
hii guys… m a brahaman orrisa girl. nd the boy whom I like his a marwadi. of course we are Hindu but the same prblm in my life that how to convince my parents. coz I luv my parents and also luv him too. I can’t sacrifice my parents nd him. I don’t have a any idea wat to do. In this some time I really think that I’m jst tired of my life nd jst want finish my but when I think my boyfriend I can’t die coz he also can not leave without me. he also tried to convince his parents but unfortunately!!!!! what should I do now? ??? plz help me
I’m a Brahman girl and my boyfriend is SC.. My parents are against our marriage due to society.. And says there will be problem in my younger brother and sister if I got married to him.. plz help
Hi, Basically i am from Brahmin community, i have decided to marry a lingayat community girl, we both love each others like anything, but my parents are not agreeing for the inter caste marriage, her parents are ok, if my parents agree’s for this, so how to convince my parents for this…??
Their concern is basically fear of relatives & future of my children…
Also strong worm called brahmin… But i believe people by caste will not become brahmin, only by his character…
What to say n How to say about my problem???
One problem ends den second problem appear
My gf’s parents r not allowing us to talk or meet
They treat her like a animal i cant #### Man
what to say I cant
i am pooja 24yr of age… i am in a rshp wid a guy from last 6-7 yrs, his name is rupesh.. wen i was in 10th std we came to know each other through chatting.. and gradually within a yr we startd liking each other. and so on it continued. .he hs always supported me motivated for good results and all.. although he is in 2nd yr of btech but i hav completed my studies and dis yr i hv managed to get bank po job.problem lies apart from caste is that my parents and family are more financially stable than his family. and he lives in village. recently i got to know that my parents are searching match for me. and i m very much tensed bcoz he is still studying and hs no any job . i rlly wanna marry him but hv no idea wat to say at home. how to make them convinced.. m very much tensed