Dating in India – Is it finally happening?

“Yeah that’s right. Don’t let your parents arrange your marriage. Don’t let your auntie/cousin create your matrimonial profile. How on earth am I supposed to get married if I happen to have not been lucky enough to just run into my soul mate accidentally??”

My vehement advocacy of freedom of choosing one’s life partner has landed me in trouble not once, not twice, but several times. To be frank, I kinda don’t mind.

But this was serious. My follower-cum-friend T wanted a real solution to a real problem: What about those who don’t “accidentally” find someone to fall in love with?

“Well, that’s why we have dating.” I offer, as we sip coffee together on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Separated by a few thousand miles. Typing away fiercely.

“Which doesn’t exist in India. Let’s be honest.”

Dating … What?

Well…er…right. Indians do marry for love. But these matches are usually based on people “accidentally” finding each other through work/school/mutual friends and relatives. No nonsense, goal-driven dating is still rare.

“But what about online dating?”

“You try it. The profiles are mostly either fake or of sickos looking for new ways to get off.”

“You’re right. I would probably not go out on a “date” with a guy I didn’t already know and/or like,” I was thinking aloud. “You can’t really trust people you don’t know.”

“See?” I could almost see the look of huffed triumph on T’s face.

The conversation stuck with me. Indian girls are simply put off by online dating. Strange men are usually seen as sources of potential danger in our culture, and for good reason. So what are the options of the young, urban(ized), upwardly mobile singles who’re bored of matrimonial websites and are ready to write the Indian Dating Story?

I did my research. I was surprised to find how many Indian dating portals and apps exist. While each was unique in its own cool ways, none of these apps answered my basic question: Am I sure I’m not wasting my time?

In other words, how sure am I of the quality of the member community?

One of the apps which stood out is called Woo – A cool mobile meeting platform for interesting, young, progressive singles.

Keeping it real

So what’s Woo’s answer to my question? And why is it special?

The answer is simple – a flat rejection of my sign up request. And it’s special because it irked me and wowed me at the same time.

What characterizes Woo is its commitment to keeping things real – creating opportunities for you to find a person you can actually go out on a date with. The platform intends to actively discourage “casual” flirting and thrill-seeking by people not looking for a serious relationship. For starters, when you try to sign up it screens your Facebook profile to check if you’re married or in a relationship, and politely declines to have you on board if you are. Woo rejects a substantial proportion of the sign up requests that it gets. It calls itself a “curated community” of real singles, looking for a real connection.

But being single on Facebook isn’t your sure-fire ticket on to Woo-land.

Woo auto-creates your profile photo album from Facebook.

Woo pulls in what you do for a living from Linkedin.

It even auto-populates your interests (in the form of pages you subscribe to) from Facebook.

That’s how real your Woo avatar would be once you’re past the sign up stage.

Woo

This approach isn’t free of its glitches though. I, like most of you, subscribe to many pages on Facebook, without giving a lot of thought to it. Like humour pages, friend’s photography pages etc. Woo picks two pages out of those under “interests” and shows it to one’s matches, which may not at all be representative of one’s actual interests. (In my case “Neha G Photography” showed up as one of these two. What the ….?)

However, the bottom line remains – no faking customizing of interests in order to attract people you like. No “enhanced” profile pictures for dating purposes. No padded up resume. Just the real you. That’s all you get to bring on to Woo.

Liar liar…

Between you and me – the rejection didn’t feel great. That ensured I was all the more curious to find out what exactly Woo offered me in return for demanding such high standards of authenticity.

Here’s what I did. I signed up through the Facebook profile of a single friend. :D

First surprise after you’re past the profile creation stage – it’s telling you to turn on your GPS.

Woo

My GPS?? I almost checked again to make sure I was not on Google Maps.

This was wow. This was truly unique. In keeping with Woo’s commitment to “keeping it real”, it gives you match suggestions of people only in the same city as you – people you can date in the real world. True to its principle of accepting nothing but the truth, Woo doesn’t trust you with disclosing your true location. It would rather believe your GPS.

Woo sometimes takes this mistrust of its users to a pesky level. For example, you can’t write what you want about yourself in the “About me” section. Users are allowed only to pick from a list of pre-defined adjectives which describe them, such as “wanderer”, “music maven” etc. Trolling-proof as they may be, standardized interests for everyone with no scope for expressing oneself freely takes a whole lot of the fun out of a dating app.

The final move

When it comes to match suggestions, Woo takes into account your mutual friends on Facebook, which increases credibility. If you like someone and are too shy to just kick it off by sending them a message, you can even ask mutual friends to introduce you.

You can open up a chat only if the attraction is mutual, i.e. if you confirm that you like someone and they return the favour. That takes care of spam. As a further measure against spamming, Woo also lets you “hide” your profile from being displayed publicly, if you want use the app to chat only with your existing matches.

Woo

You can continue to chat on Woo’s plush red-and-wood themed IM platform till you’re comfortable to take things to real life. (Oh btw, Woo’s Indianized humour emoticons are the coolest I’ve EVER used. And that includes Facebook. And Whatsapp.)

Woo

So if you’re a young adult, out there looking for a real relationship, Woo might just be your perfect start. If you’re a woman, with the whole suite of security tools from anti-stalking to anti-spam features, this is also one of the safest it’s going to get on a dating app.

Real matches. The real you. A real connection.

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post.

5 Women’s Day Gift Ideas for Your Special Woman

The web is abuzz with preparations for the upcoming Women’s Day on 8th March. (And Love in India is no exception. If you haven’t ‘Like’d my entry to the Indusladies Women’s Day Blog Contest 2013, please consider doing it now. Thank you. ;))

Women's DayPhoto by movementh

Women’s Day is not like any other Day. The idea of Women’s Day took shape in the beginning of the 20th century from events around the burgeoning labour movement of that period. The first ever National Women’s Day was celebrated on Feb. 28, 1909 in the US by The Socialist Party of America in honour of the Feb. 28, 1908  labour strike and protests organized in New York by garment workers in which women played a pivotal role.

Consequently, Women’s Day has come to stand for political and economic freedom for women. It’s a symbol of women’s identity, equality and empowerment.  Women’s Day therefore, is not a day for your regular chocolates and roses. I believe the gifts you give to your special woman on this special day ought to reflect your belief in the strength and power in her womanhood.

Here are a few ideas I had.

#1. Women’s books

Feminist literature is always a great choice when it comes to Women’s Day gifting. One of the first books which come to mind in this category would be The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf, a compelling treatise on how the modern times have come with increasing pressure on women to conform to a rather limiting and rigid standard of physical beauty even as women’s political, legal and economic freedom has increased more than ever before. If your woman has a taste for a tad weightier philosophical non-fiction you can try The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer – another smashing best-seller from the 1970s – a passionate exploration of women’s sexuality and its possible repression by our current consumerist society.

Or you can go for something of a more general interest like the celebrated fictionized monograph on space for women as writers A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf.

#2. Movies

Something we all love. Why not celebrate this Women’s Day by gifting (and watching) DVDs of movies which talk about endless struggles through history of perfectly ordinary women who emerged extraordinarily strong and capable as they fought for themselves and what they believed in, at the cost of everything – sometimes their own life.  If you’re looking for ideas, the wildly popular fictionized real story of a single mother and fierce environmental activist Erin Brokovitch is a good place to start.

My personal favourite however is North Country – another reality-based account of the long battle (and a landmark victory) of one of America’s earliest female miners against her employer on charges of tolerating a range of sexual abuses meted out to women workers by their male colleagues.

A relatively recent release in this genre is Made in Dagenham.  a 2010 movie on the valiant protests of women workers of 1968 in the Ford Dagenham car plant against gender discrimination at the workplace.

If she’s a fan of vintage movies, Silkwood is the pick for you. It’s Meryl Streep’s portrayal of Karen Silkwood, the brave metallurgy worker at a plutonium plant who dared to protest against the blatant violation of worker safety measures there and was deliberately contaminated, psychologically tortured and maybe even murdered as a result of it.

#3. Something special

Throughout history, sexuality has been used as an instrument of keeping women repressed prisoners of their own bodies – with tools as varied as sexual molestation inflicted by a stranger to forced pregnancies imposed by her own family.  As a result, legalization of birth control and abortion marked a turn in the history of women’s liberation in this world – by putting women in control of their own bodies. The relatively newly invented women’s condom takes this control one step further, which can be a radical and very thoughtful symbolic gift for your special woman on Women’s Day.  If you think you’re up to it, these Women’s Day special female condom deals on CupoNation, which I were invited to check out, can come in very handy. The apt slogan – “celebrate womanhood by taking care of yourself” – perfectly sums up my view on this.

#4.Women’s handicrafts

We feel proud to be the fortunate emancipated daughters of centuries of battle for liberation of the fairer sex. Women today have more legal, political and economic freedom than ever before.

But which women?

Women's DayPhoto by PhotoRipple

Only the women you and I know. The women at the bottom of the pyramid continue to remain the worst victims of the patriarchal social values and consequent loss of freedom, especially in our traditionally inclined culture.  On this Women’s Day, show your solidarity to the women’s cause by supporting these women. Gift your special woman a work of handicraft/ethnic clothing/decorative items/homemade snacks produced by rural women’s cooperatives and self-help groups. You can start from any of the Indian state emporia. Or you can try out the produce of non-profit organizations trying to help downtrodden women in a productive way like Village Women Craft or Sadhana

#5. Something original

Finally, the creative stuff.

You want to show her you value her as an individual? Write her a letter telling her what makes her special, not only as a woman, but as a human being.

If you’re a traditional household (in case you’re married) take up some of her usual responsibilities – by cooking a surprise dinner for her for example.

Tell her to take a day off from the daily grind and do exactly what she likes Commit to managing the rest on your own. Go crazy (if you aren’t already).

Do you have any other ideas for celebrating this women’s day with your special woman? What are your thoughts? Let me know by leaving a comment.